It's a wedding invite one...

[gininteacupsandleavesonthelawn]

In an effort to avoid a few posts in here about me later in the year- I need some guidance on how to ensure maximum reasonableness.

So, wedding next year, were about to book venue. Number 1 choice is somewhere we love, it's a bit luxury and a very special place for us. We're having a medium sized wedding c.70 guests. There's nowhere else that compares for us. Now the problem, they have a rule that all guests must be residents in the hotel- everyone must stay. It's expensive. Most guests don't live locally, so realistically would need a hotel room anyway. We don't have the budget to pay for the rooms for everyone. Some of our guest wouldn't bat an eyelid at the cost, some wouldn't be able to afford it. We could probably pay 50% of total room bill in our budget. So subsidise all rooms until they cost £50-75 per person ish? How would we even begin to word it on an invite?

How do we avoid being unreasonable? Should we give up and look elsewhere?

Thanks

I wanted to elope! His mother would never speak to us again sadly...

On the drinks we do plan to cover most, just not a free bar. Champagne, aperitif, lots wine, toasts, some bottles of beers etc for tables.

we want something a bit special and ideally somewhere meaningful for us.

if that is your ultimate priority over the comfort and convenience of your family and friends that you are hosting for then go for it and enjoy with no regrets that some were financially challenged to get there or couldn't afford it.

To those who are saying the hotel is out of order - I think that rules like this often relate to catering facilities. The hotel can't maintain their standards if they have 70 - 200 people for a wedding, PLUS all their hotel rooms and restaurants full of other guests.

But, as pointed out upthread, this is a venue which has no less than 15 function rooms to let out, at least one of which can accommodate up to 300 people. If they have a 300 person business event, they're going to have to provide meals for all 300 plus the guests already staying there and others coming to their restaurant - and you can bet that businesses that can afford Gleneagles for a conference are going to expect a good quality meal. If they have a number of events in their function rooms simultaneously, numbers will spring up even higher.

We were going to subsidise all @ 50% we just can't pay 100% of all

OP one of my closest friends did something similar to what you are planning, although it was exclusive use of a smaller venue but a flight away within the UK. We couldn't afford the rooms, after booking flights so booked a cheaper Travellodge down the road. She went ballistic, threatened to cancel the wedding because we'd ruined it. I ended up not going. Our friendship is repaired, but you can still see the cracks.

You need to relax your wish list. For one, I would never expect childcare to be provided at any wedding. I can sort that. And golf and spa can be done outside any venue.

It's not worth upsetting or alienating people. I was so embarrassed that I just couldn't afford my friends wedding and hotel prices.

Bubbins, no, the requirement is that all guests be resident in the hotel. They're not allowed in otherwise.

There are loads of lovely venues around Edinburgh. What about the castle itself, or you can marry in the church on Incholm Island? Carberry Towers?
Lots of lovely hotels too, don't rule them all out without visiting.

Lemon, I need the childcare! For my own child.

Dear gods, you do realise that there is more than one wedding venue in the world, don't you? A wedding venue that insists on all of the guests staying and charging a fortune for that 'privilege' deserves to go out of business. Find a nice hall somewhere, get some catering, have a nice party. You do not need guests being forced in to overnight stays and all the other bullshit that seems to be involved in weddings these days.

I've been invited to a wedding and my friend is insistent that we stay at the venue, even though it's ridiculously expensive. We have stood out ground and said we are happy to attend, but won't be staying. I personally like to get away at the end of an evening and not have to see everyone the next morning!
I would say you need another venue!

Gleneagles just makes me think of the G8 meeting there. Stuffy place.

Midnite- at least half the guests need an overnight stay regardless of venue and I need somewhere with rooms so my daughter and her younger cousins can be put down with a babysitter in reaching distance of mum and dad where necessary.

Easy to provide a nanny or similar, doesn't have to be provided by hotel.

It's obvious you've already made your mind up.
Fair enough but why bother starting the thread?

OP... what you marry somewhere else and have your honeymoon at this hotel instead if you like it so much?

OP - there's no way to make this work - you can't afford to book all the rooms. You don't think everyone would chose to pay to stay there and not pick to stay elsewhere in the area.

So here are your options:
a) call the venue again - say you think a lot of your guests will stay, but not all and can they be flexible on a set number, say 50% - say it's a deal breaker and you would consider it to be highly rude to tell people who might wish to just go home afterwards they aren't allowed to. See if there is some flexibility if they will otherwise lose the booking.

b) book the venue, but reduce your guest list by 50% so you can afford to book every room.

c) book another venue - compromising on something on your list. (I would compromise the golf on site, in that area, you'll never be more than a 30 minute drive from a golf course, and the the childminding being provided by the venue, so long as they are happy for your to bring along your own babysitters/nannies)

d) delay your wedding by 1/2 years until you can save up enough to have the wedding you want at the venue you want

e) do your original plan, but be prepared to face damage to your family and friends relationships. (DH and SIL's relationshp has never really recovered from her 'difficult' behaviour at her wedding to DBIL. People will suck it up at the time and grumble in private, but then will slag you off behind your back and hold grudges)

I like weddings and fly into the UK to attend them. It's fun to make a weekend of it, but I always have two nights accommodation. If you can only afford one I think it could be a bit stressful to travel in wedding clobber or get changed before the ceremony. Especially traveling by public transport, or with children.
I wouldn't book this venue unless I could afford it for two nights.

This policy would annoy me on principle.

A pub type wedding doesn't work where we need a non religious ceremony, bedrooms onsite at least for some and space for 70 though.

You don't have to have the ceremony at the venue, though, do you? You could go the registry office and, if you do want a ceremony in front of larger numbers, have your own version at the venue.

One of the best weddings I've been to was one which used that arrangement. The family rented a couple of large holiday homes which came with quite widespread land around them. They got married at a registry office in the morning with their families there, then had a ceremony where they'd composed their own vows in the garden at the back of the houses, where there was a fabulous view overlooking the sea. There was a large covered area by the houses where they served up a buffet type meal, and which could have been used in the event of rain. They asked friends to bring drinks instead of giving wedding presents. It was such a lovely, relaxed day and the ceremony itself was very special.

Because I wanted to suggestion on how to communicate it in the best possible way, or perhaps ideas on how to improve the situation.

I've certainly got ideas on more pointed questions to ask gleneagles- ie why does it apply to a wedding, not a conference etc.
I've also picked up some suggestions on other venues to consider that I hadn't been aware of.

That's why I posted. Admittedly I do want to find a way to make it work, my mind was made up until I found out about this so now I'm trying my best to consider the options.

I can't see the big problem - if I was to travel to a wedding I would most definitely want to be booked where the wedding party were staying. If I couldn't afford it I wouldn't be going!

I hate when the hotel is booked up and I've to hoof off to a nearby hotel. You want to be able to check your children, nip up for whatever, to our own room. Why would people be opting to go elsewhere? No hotels are cheap in the first place.

OP are the prices what your friends would consider reasonable, or wildly extortionate?

OP - only you know if enough of your close friends and family would be able to afford it (and wouldn't feel offended if they can't).

However, personally I would have no problem with an invitation that had an accompanying letter that said something like: "The venue has a rule that all wedding guests must stay at the hotel. We have therefore booked rooms for guests but are asking for a contribution of £75pp for the accommodation costs for the weekend. We very much hope you can join us, but completely understand if you can't - in which case we look forward to celebrating with you on another occasion when we return from our honeymoon!"

That is not very elegant and I am sure you can come up with something better, but I would find it very reasonable. My family weddings usually include accommodation costs at this sort of level (although I must admit that on that basis I probably would expect drinks to be provided at least for the wedding breakfast and first part of the evening do - though if people want to get sloshed after that it is up to them!)

Lemon, I need the childcare! For my own child.

But you don't need the childcare to be provided by the hotel, and you don't need to sort out childcare for the other guests' children.

at least half the guests need an overnight stay regardless of venue and I need somewhere with rooms so my daughter and her younger cousins can be put down with a babysitter in reaching distance of mum and dad where necessary.

Half the guests MAY need an overnight stay, assuming they will actually be willing and able to travel to your wedding. So even if all of those people can take the time off and are able to travel, then that is still only half of your guests who will need accommodation. So why should every guest have to pay to stay overnight?

There are plenty of places that have rooms where your babysitter can look after them. It doesn't need to be this particular place.

Everyone must stay? How will the venue know? Do they plan to wheelclamp all the cars?:) and what if you have guests who live locally?

They are asking you to sole occupancy which is fine if you're a business or v rich and can take the hit or have an admin person to hand. Otherwise it's just added stress and you are shouldering their risk of not selling rooms because your wedding is on.

I think the stress would be v high re room s and you might regret losing the money to empty rooms, and I'd find somewhere else, less dictorial and upgrade my honeymoon:)

"...no, the requirement is that all guests be resident in the hotel. They're not allowed in otherwise."

Has this actually been clarified. As in even if the room was paid for whether they were staying or not?