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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

More weird behaviour from P

64 replies

LisaRinnasLips · 21/04/2016 18:35

I get in the bath with baby dd, told p to come get her in a bit and go get ds to jump in with us before bed.

He goes down, comes up and says ds won't come up and goes down again.

10 mins go past and baby needs to get out so I call him, and call and call and bang on the floor...nothing.

Really annoyed now I get out and go down to empty room. They've gone? Call no reply. I got upstairs and get her dressed while I'm dripping and cold. He eventually replies 'went shop'.

Is this weird? To not call up to me to say he's going out? He just seems so detached. Feel like I'm in another reality sometimes.

OP posts:
Original poster
LisaRinnasLips · 21/04/2016 18:48

I'm the poster whose partner got the bus home alone if anyone remembers GrinConfused

OP posts:
fusspot66 · 21/04/2016 18:52

He's not normal. That's bad treatment.

FearOfFlying · 21/04/2016 18:55

No, definitely not normal. I remember your bus home thread.

VimFuego101 · 21/04/2016 19:00

No, not normal. I remember your other thread.

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 21/04/2016 19:01

He sounds pathologically self absorbed.

NeedACleverNN · 21/04/2016 19:01

Did he take your son with him or left the boy at home?

But not it isn't normal at all

MammaTJ · 21/04/2016 19:11

Nope, not normal, neither was the bus thing.

My DP used to do similar when he first moved in, not as bad though, would just pop and see a neighbour. I get that he was trying to establish friends, but I was confused.

I just told him it was totally odd and disrespectful. He tried to say I was being controlling but I explained I would expect it of anyone, just information given, rather than permission being sought!

Ivegotyourgoat · 21/04/2016 19:13

Is he your kids dad?

Imnotaslimjim · 21/04/2016 19:14

Not normal at all. Very strange for him to just leave, even more so after you asking for help! Has he come back yet?

Original poster
LisaRinnasLips · 21/04/2016 19:42

Yes he took ds. They came back about 15/20 mins later. He went to get food for himself from what I gather.

Hasn't said a word about it. Total weirdo. Who am I in a relationship with.

Pathologically self-absorbed is spot on.

OP posts:
Original poster
LisaRinnasLips · 21/04/2016 19:46

Yes he's their dad

OP posts:
Original poster
LisaRinnasLips · 21/04/2016 19:47

Writing these out here make me feel validated. Like I'm not crazy so thanks

OP posts:
NeedACleverNN · 21/04/2016 19:47

Is this normal for him?
Or has he suddenly started doing it?

First one means he's very self absorbed.

Second indicates there could be a medical problem

Ninefreerangeeggs · 21/04/2016 20:12

He sounds like my "D"H. Passive aggressive at best. We've fought the same battle for many years, ie both strong willed but, whilst I like to discuss our differences openly, DH is less willing and falls back on tried and tested pattern of "I do as I please and you either accept me as I am or you can leave". However, better the devil you know in my case.

Original poster
LisaRinnasLips · 21/04/2016 20:14

He's always been selfish. Looks after himself etc. But hasn't always done things like this that totally disregard me.

This morning, for instance, he came down while I was breastfeeding on sofa and made himself eggs and bacon and went back upstairs. Didn't ask if I wanted any or even a drink since I was stuck under a baby.

OP posts:
Ninefreerangeeggs · 21/04/2016 20:15

"ie, both" for the pedants Grin

Jojoriley · 21/04/2016 20:16

Is there any chance he has a drug problem? Needing to suddenly be alone to fix ? Or as others have said something medical. Rather than assume it's a personality disorder maybe approach him more sympathetically in case he does have an actual problem? The bus home thing was odd - but could have been a misunderstanding- at a stretch- but this is odder- unless he's deaf and doesn't hear you??

NeedACleverNN · 21/04/2016 20:18

Maybe you ought to have a frank talk with him.

Explain his behaviour is very selfish. Flip it around. Ask him how he would feel if you made yourself a fried breakfast and didn't get him anything?

Jojoriley · 21/04/2016 20:18

Ok, now I've just read about the bacon and eggs which is just massively selfish- who does that??

Ninefreerangeeggs · 21/04/2016 20:20

How long has it been like this? Does he respond if you raise the issue and does he care that you're upset? Don't mean to pry and of course you don't need to answer. Just trying to understand a bit more of your dynamic

DoreenLethal · 21/04/2016 20:25

I think he is still a cunt, I think that I might have said that on the bus thread.

ihatethecold · 21/04/2016 20:35

What happened with the bus? I didn't see the thread.
Op. I can understand why you're annoyed. Very selfish of your DH.

IAmcuriousyellow · 21/04/2016 20:40

I'd be spitting my teeth out if I was breastfeeding and my DH made himself a cooked breakfast without offering some to me! That's staggeringly unkind.

MeadowHay · 21/04/2016 20:47

I realise this is a completely unhelpful reply but why are you living with someone who is so selfish that they don't even ask if you would like some of the thing that they're cooking?! I just don't understand at all. You're worth more than that!

FearOfFlying · 21/04/2016 20:49

OP, I knew someone who was like this to their wife irl. He just went and did his own thing all the time. Would disappear without a word. Funnily enough, his dad was also like it - and his wife (my friend) would be Shock at it. She put it down to immense selfishness/ego-centrism, but she would watch aghast as they all went to do something, and he would just disappear and do his own thing, go off and buy a sandwich for himself etc - no matter who they were socialising with. They are not together anymore, I'm afraid.