More weird behaviour from P

[LisaRinnasLips]

I get in the bath with baby dd, told p to come get her in a bit and go get ds to jump in with us before bed.

He goes down, comes up and says ds won't come up and goes down again.

10 mins go past and baby needs to get out so I call him, and call and call and bang on the floor...nothing.

Really annoyed now I get out and go down to empty room. They've gone? Call no reply. I got upstairs and get her dressed while I'm dripping and cold. He eventually replies 'went shop'.

Is this weird? To not call up to me to say he's going out? He just seems so detached. Feel like I'm in another reality sometimes.

Absolutely to what Ohtheholidays said, hours spent video gaming is, in my experience, really bad for you. I think World of Warcraft is sometimes called the Widow Maker :) In fact I used t play WoW for hours a day and had to stop when I realised how addicted I was getting and how rude I could be to people, not only while I was gaming, but even when I wasn't. I remember reading something years ago that said video gaming can dampen a part of the brain but I can never remember exactly what it said :/

It is those games - online ones with his friends.
I asked him to not play maybe once a week. He's vehemently defensive over them, claims they keep dementia at bay etc if I mention they're addictive and not healthy to play so much so I've stopped.

I think he was raised to not really be considerate or do things for others/be emphatic. I think he had a weird dynamic with his mother and father as he was spoilt materially but wasn't given much emotionally. She was physically abusive too.

So he spends hours playing this game.

Is he on it for a long period in one go?

Does he reciprocate and allow you time off so you can do something you want to do?

It's very hard to give an armchair diagnoses on here, but some of his traits and behaviours do come across as on the AS, however he may be emotionally very distant due to the abuse he's suffered. Whatever, it sounds very difficult to live with.

He never craves affection or seems to mind/complain about it.

I think he does it out of obligation (when he does)

He plays the games once I'm in bed with baby. We'll watch something together then he'll go down and play probably for 3/4 hours straight. Then will wake up grumpy most mornings.

He himself thinks he's on the spectrum from stuff he's read on it. He looked a bit bewildered and said god they're describing me once.

I actually asked him about yesterday this morning. I said why didn't you call up? 'I thought you would hear the door' I said you know it's not normal to just leave etc etc 'blank stare' he kind of made it into a joke like it isn't a big deal. I said very plainly please tell me next time when you're leaving the house with ds.

I told my dad today and he was like 'what, he didn't call up?'

Glad I'm not alone in thinking it's weird.

My parents came over once and mum and I were talking in the front room. After a while we wondered where dad was. Turns out he'd decided to have a bath! A few years later he was diagnosed with dementia. I don't think your DH is necessarily behaving like this consciously or deliberately but he can and needs to work on himself to change if he wants you to have a long and happy marriage

Sorry about your dad. Dementia is awful. I just lost my grandfather to Alzheimer's

You're right, but can people change? I don't know

I'm obviously a bit of an oddity here, but i don't think there's anything wrong in popping out to the shop for a few minutes while your partner takes a bath without telling them. When I was living with my ex, we just weren't the sort of couple who would feel that we needed to give minute by minute updates. If we were sitting together and one of us had wanted to do to the shop, we would have said we were going to the shop. If he was having a bath though I wouldn't feel the need to tell him, and vice versa. The bacon and egg thing is more of a worry, as that it really selfish. i don't think going out for a few minutes without telling you is selfish or weird at all, but then I've always been a really independent person.

I think yes it's ok to pop out to the shop but at the time the OP needed her dh to get the baby from her. Not really the appropriate time to suddenly bugger off is it?

Thanks Lisa, yes he died 10 years ago and the decline was not pretty or dignified. I think people can change with a big enough carrot or stick (either self motivated or externally motivated). You need to decide what your standards of behaviour are from him and stick to them. But be kind to him when you tell him what he is doing wrong, no-one likes to be criticised

Oh god we really don't do minute by minute updates! I'm very independent too. So is he but he acts like a line ranger a lot, which is the problem.

Yesterday he was meant to get the baby out of the bath and bring my son up to get in before bed. Instead he just walked out! Totally different to two people dating without kids.

I threatened to end it before we bought a house and was v serious. He changed for a bit and really put in effort. Things slowly slip back when people get comfortable and complacent.

I'm good at raising how I feel without being too critical due to techniques I learnt at counselling.