To blank these two mums at the school who clearly do not seem to like me very much?

[ambergreenred]

DS has been at school for almost 3 years now.

There are two mums of other children in his year who are both friends, and both are uber friendly to everyone else, but they don't seem to like me very much. DS is in the same class as their sons and gets on fine with them as far as I know.

It is things like ignoring me sometimes if they walk past me or at childrens' parties, and speaking to me at other times, being very blunt with me if I do ever make small talk with them, and even a few times when I have walked past them on the school run and they've been together, I've said hello and they've just looked at each other and once they both even started laughing.

Like I said, they both seem to be super friendly with others, so it's not like they're unsociable, I'm getting definite vibes that they dislike me.

I kept saying hello out of politeness and to keep the peace and then the other day I thought 'Fuck this' and have now started to blank them each time I see them, and just act like I've never seen them before in my life. I have done it a few times now, and it feels very liberating. I was getting quite anxious about them not liking me and now I feel like I'm more in control.

AIBU to blank them? I know it sounds childish but I just can't be arsed anymore....

Just wanted to add, walk past them with your head high, and a relaxed but pleasant expression, as if you're thinking of something really nice, and haven't even noticed their existence.

I say this as someone who suffered from evil little bitches long ago. They feed on any obvious reaction, so acting as if they're just not there is a lot better than doing any sort of obvious blanking.

laughing and looking at each other when you said hello amoung other things is horribly rude, and I would be hurt and angry. However in the past I have pulled people up there and then on their shit behaviours (I know it is difficult or impossible for other people to do this but I am a massive old battle axe) I would want them to laugh at me again so I could stop and say there and than "What's that? What's funny? You see I just said hi to and you laughed at me? You wanna explain why?"
Sorry you went through this but as you say youve got other friends. Good luck with it all x

I just wanted to say that I have been doing playground school drop offs for 10 years now. I have witnessed the same repeats of bitchy mummy cliques, and let me tell you 9 out of 10 times those cliques implode and it ends in tears, with clique members fleeing to (differing) corners of the playground. My motto is never get embroiled, just be pleasant to those who seem OK and totally ignore the ones who want your cv and bank statements to review before they will say hello. You are doing the right thing by blanking those horrible women.

I was asked to consider this in therapy...it was uncomfortable for me to hear and accept but, I do it now all the time and it's very freeing. "Don't take anything personally. Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. Their point of view and opinion come from all the programming they received growing up. When you take things personally, you feel offended, and your reaction is to defend your beliefs and create conflict. You make something big out of something so little, because you have the need to be right and make everybody else wrong." -A quote from "The Four Agreements" by don Miguel Ruiz

I'm the chair of the PTA at my daughter's school and I get similar sniggers often.

I keep thinking to myself that there is a massive cross section of people in that playground, all dealing with their own crap at any one time, and sometimes I'm having a good day and laughing along with others (not at a person though!), so maybe someone's feeling that way about me? Other days I have a ton of stuff on my mind and it might look like I've blanked someone but I haven't even seen them.

I just try to ignore it all and crack on with being me, it's too hard to fight against the tide of playground politics xxx

What horrible people. You deserve so much better OP. I have had this situation and being a naturally friendly and trusting person I just couldn't understand how people could be so mean. Just like the playground tho! I blank them now too and make no effort at all. I love it- so liberating. Why waste your time on such people? There are plenty more nice ones:) focus your time on those who make you feel good.

This is what smartphones were made for!!

I am naturally an introvert, and apparently suffer from Resting Bitch Face. I have been told by people I trust that I radiate "Fuck Off". Which, to be honest, I don't have a problem with, because many of the women in my village are cliquey twats, mean to boot, and have treated at least one of my children like shit (i.e. supporting their children when they started shutting my child out of social situations). Fuck them. There are infinitely more interesting things going on inside my phone (FB, Google News, my Kindle app) than thinking about women like that.

Hah... try being a dad who takes the kids to school, then you'll know what invisibility feels like.

I had this too...... One of the mums was lovely and we'd even walk together sometimes if the other one wasn't there and she'd always talk to be when it was just us.... The other one always looked down her nose at me even though I used to chat with them (nice mum was my DS best friend) but I always felt awkward, like I was interrupting something. Then one day horrible mum walked past me and actually put her head to the floor so as to completely avoid eye contact and walked right by me, totally ignoring me. I never spoke to them again after that. Can't be bothered with it. Wasn't an issue for long though as we moved and then changed schools.... Few months later I couldn't believe it when I saw horrible mums DD coming out of school. Seems they've moved too and we're now at the same school gates again. I haven't even acknowledged that I recognise her.... It's really really petty!!!

XO - I'd love to know what type of therapist that was and whether they practise within the NHS.

Because as a senior mental health clinician , that to me sounds utterly bizarre and not in line with any forms of current thinking.

Our school is the same.😔 can't wait til she can walk by herself. Hate it and I am a sociable person but just hate the cliques

No mudnotlotus. I wasn't aware that the NHS had any current provision for anxiety. In my area there is "Talking Therapy" and sectioning for when you actually attempt to take your own life. Nothing inbetween. Private therapy is invaluable for strengthening mental health and there isn't an equivilent in the NHS. I think that quote is quite useful actually because the message is, dont take it personally, dont waste your time thinking about why, just get on with your life.
I find it useful to use the Parent, Adult, child model ( google it if you want to know more). If i encounter an adult acting like a child (laughing at me) i respond as an adult not a child or a parent. I dont take it personally and i dont waste time thinking about it. I have to use this method a lot with my MIL who is always trying to parent me and i have to be very careful not to respond to her in child mode.

Oh god. The playground mafia. Hated it.

playground mafia indeed.

It's the same anywhere btw. Rich cat's bum-faced mums, disadvantaged cat's bum-faced mums, From experience, where you live how much you earn etc makes no difference.
Cliques abound!
I can't be arsed with all that stuff and I am consequently since start of juniors (Y3) a drop and leave parent. Hurrah! No more having to pretend to socialise with some of the biggest, snobbiest, yah-yah arseholes in the neighbourhood, just because their little shit darling in in my DC's class.
Isn't it funny how the children of these sorts of parents also, more often than not, seem to be the worse behaved and the biggest brats?
Roll on secondary, when I won't have to even pass them in the street!
OP - hold you head high, blank them as of they were dead to you, never give them even the 1% of satisfaction that you care about what they think.
These years will pass soon enough

AnonymousPhil that is partly true in our school as well, though I've also noticed that on the whole the dads are the nicest bunch of parents - who always greet me or initiate a hello (to me or my DH) and who are blissfully oblivious the bitches they are married to!
If only dad were the only ones doing drop offs, then the playground mafia would implode overnight.
I can dream, can't I?

Yesanastasia- I am not directing this at you personally but it does seem that it's women who are in school constantly, who have their own clique that seem to be at the cause of misery, intentionally or not.
I do often wonder what will happen once the children leave primary school when as a mum people are so invested in the school. I see it at our school, very few work, very invested in the PTA, always at school, cliques galore, don't seem to have a social circle outside of the school. Does this all just carry on once the kids grow up? exactly this caravan
And what makes it worse is that these women are hellbent on ensuring their little darlings play with one another and are also friends. It's all part of the general plan.
Meeting in the playground, staying back to chat to one another, excluding anyone who does not meet the trade (and who won't arselick or change who they are in order to fit in). In my DC's class, I have seen several children, some who were lovely once before their bitch mothers got involved, forced into friendships they wouldn't normally have chosen for themselves, just because the mummies were in the same clique.
This trying to live through your kids is pathetic - I am certain that when all these kids are older, in secondary school, they will turn 'round to their overbearing, ineffectual, snobbish mothers and say "Fuck off - I can make my own friends now". That is, unless they have been so dumbed down by then, that they have turned into their bloody mothers!

In answer to your question garden path about what happens to the women that were involved in primary PTA once their DC leave.

These are the people that probably coordinated playgroups before their DC went to school and may well help with reading for struggling DC in primary or raising funds to pay for theatre trips etc.

They then go back to work, full or part time but continue to be involved in the PTA at secondary school, coordinating summer fairs, Christmas fairs etc. They might also/instead run Brownies/Beavers/Scouts or local mini football clubs that rely on community minded volunteers. And they make lots of friends along the way. Not with everyone of course, but with the ones they get on with. Same as in any environment you get on with some people more than others.

Well done you. Parents behave far worse than their kids somrtimed

They sound nasty. They prob feel threatened by you in some way - mosy likely jealous. Don't even look their way. I would make efforts with other parents of other kids in the class. There's no need to share your feelings about them with anyone; people like that eventually reveal their true colours and manage to damage other existing or potential friendships.