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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To blank these two mums at the school who clearly do not seem to like me very much?

145 replies

ambergreenred · 21/04/2016 16:04

DS has been at school for almost 3 years now.

There are two mums of other children in his year who are both friends, and both are uber friendly to everyone else, but they don't seem to like me very much. DS is in the same class as their sons and gets on fine with them as far as I know.

It is things like ignoring me sometimes if they walk past me or at childrens' parties, and speaking to me at other times, being very blunt with me if I do ever make small talk with them, and even a few times when I have walked past them on the school run and they've been together, I've said hello and they've just looked at each other and once they both even started laughing.

Like I said, they both seem to be super friendly with others, so it's not like they're unsociable, I'm getting definite vibes that they dislike me.

I kept saying hello out of politeness and to keep the peace and then the other day I thought 'Fuck this' and have now started to blank them each time I see them, and just act like I've never seen them before in my life. I have done it a few times now, and it feels very liberating. I was getting quite anxious about them not liking me and now I feel like I'm more in control.

AIBU to blank them? I know it sounds childish but I just can't be arsed anymore....

OP posts:

PantsOfGold · 21/04/2016 22:12

and for you OP. I sympathise with how you feel. I hate the playground. Nowadays, I only make an effort with people who actively seek out my company - there aren't too many of those as I can be socially awkward, but there are a few and that is enough for me. I don't actively blank people as I don't want to damage Ds's friendships, but the line from the film Penguins always pops into my head - 'smile and wave boys, smile and wave...' I just smile and keep walking.

Alasalas2 · 21/04/2016 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoMudNoLotus · 21/04/2016 23:19

HappyFatty we also call them the Playground Mafia. Because they are!

Alidoll · 22/04/2016 10:43

I hate small talk at the best of times but do try to smile and say hello. However, if someone blanks me 2 times in a row then I won't bother again as life is just too short so good on you OP. You made the effort to start with, they didn't reciprocate so sod them.

mysteriousbat · 22/04/2016 10:47

Nbu. I'm surprised you bothered for as long as you did

vanityfair · 22/04/2016 10:49

I had similar. The only difference being that at one point we got on O.K., not that we were bosom buddies but we got on and would greet each other. Then I noticed a change in her attitude; thought it was my imagination but no it wasn't. I started blanking her the same way, didn't take it seriously. Odd thing was our DDs were great friends but I explained to my DD that there would never be play dates. Problem solved. She did however begin to speak to me when DD got into a prestigious grammar school wanted to be my best friend for a bit which was awkward. I remained polite but aloof.

Blackbird1100 · 22/04/2016 11:06

As someone once said - expect nothing and live frugally on surprises!

Katherine2626 · 22/04/2016 11:12

I heard a piece of advice once that seemed rather a 'slap in the face' kind of comment , but when I thought about it later it became incredibly liberating .
'Other people's opinion of you is none of your business'.
What a great thought. Get on with your life and friends, and the snotty madams who think it is acceptable to smirk and laugh at a 'hello' ?.... I can only say that behaviour of that sort comes from a sad place.

Shepherdessy · 22/04/2016 11:14

I think there's clearly been goss about you - were you not tempted to say "what's funny"? when they laughed just because you said hello?

mimishimmi · 22/04/2016 11:18

You needn't worry if they like you or not. The question is whether or not you like them. There are always people like this. I've had similar recently in a course I am doing from one of the others - was satisfying to trounce her in our end of term assessment

lilacmamacat · 22/04/2016 11:20

Yep, fuck em.

We had a new boy start late in the autumn term and it turned out he was celebrating his birthday on the same day as my DS. Found out about this through an emailed invite - hadn't met her at all. Texted her back and said fancy sharing the party (at a local soft play place) and she was happy to do that except she was inviting the whole class. We hummed and haaed and decided not to go with it, told her, and she was fine, and my DS went off to her DS's party no probs.

The funny thing was that she invited the whole class specifically "so that her and DH could get to know all the parents". I've said hello to her a couple of times in the playground since the party and she's barely acknowledged me or given me a black look, and watching her collect her DS, I see that she doesn't actually talk to anyone. Perhaps none of us were good enough for her, miserable cow. I just ignore her - if she can't be at least pleasant, fuck her too.

Pollaidh · 22/04/2016 11:24

How unpleasant!

For those now worried about schools, I don't think ours is like this. There are groups of parents who are particularly friendly depending on previous friendships at baby yoga etc, or because our children are close friends, but I speak to everyone and everyone speaks to me. I've never heard or seen anyone get blanked. I am crap with faces so it's possible I've blanked people without realising.

nannydiane · 22/04/2016 11:46

Well done , liberating is good I had a friend for a lot of years she tried to intimadate me make me feel inadequate , around people and try to make me feel out of place and it's quite difficult as my friends are now her friends, so you can imagine the atmosphere cuts like a knife when we are all together but as time has gone its come second nature to ignore her as its her issues and not mine 👌🏽👍🏽😀

gandalf456 · 22/04/2016 11:51

I didn't realise how odd people could be until I had kids. But, yes, I would not bother speaking to these women again. In fact, I'd be tempted even to ignore them if they asked me the time.

KarenCBC · 22/04/2016 12:04

I heard this kind of thing from a mum I know I'm Australia. I had assumed it's because they live in an affluent, cliquey area that is already very gossipy but from all your comments it seems it's universal!!! terrifies me for when my little one is old enough for school...

SingingAvocado · 22/04/2016 12:13

Ambergreenred, if it helps there's a mum at our school whose child ran off as we were walking home with my child plus a friend we were having round to tea. I ran to keep up with them. My child plus friend ran to our door and I positioned myself halfway between our door and the end of the path from school with the other child, whose mum was nowhere to be seen. As soon as I saw the mum coming down the path I sent the child back and went to let mine in the house. Popped out again to check all was well as was shouted at by the mum for 'luring her child away and abandoning her'. She wasn't prepared to listen to what had actually happened (another mum saw my predicament of keeping all three children safe) and has blanked me ever since. I tried talking to her once (this can't go on until y6 surely?) and she told me to get away from her … that I'd 'shown my true colours'. I say hello every time I pass her and she pretends I don't exist! It is difficult being treated like a nonentity though.

NotQuitePerfect · 22/04/2016 12:24

Heartbreaking to read threads like this. Every morning I wake up and thank my lucky stars that I don't have to do the school run. Still mentally scarred by the playground mum politics, unbelievable levels of rudeness, bitchiness, bad behaviour. As pp's have said - what example does this set for their children?

Karma comes from living a life well. My children are happy, rounded individuals in further education or good careers, despite all those mums at primary thinking I was a shit parent. There is something about the culture of the school run which is just unfathomable.

My youngest left primary 10 years ago

OP you are doing the right thing !

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 22/04/2016 12:30

Sounds like some of the mum's at my school, pathetic. Ignore them and don't let them get to you. I think it's all about how many friends you have, who you know, if your cool or some such playground nonsense. Never occurred to me adults did this, they are simply insecure children who haven't matured.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 22/04/2016 12:31

Whoops, mums autocorrected to mum's.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 22/04/2016 12:44

It's the lack of genuine friendliness and inclusivity and setting a bad example to the children that annoys me. I tried at the start, made friends, got into a group, but somehow didn't feel part of the group as was very cliquey and sub divided. In the end I just gave up. I'm not great socially. If people make you feel worse and are judgey because they think they're a cut above then I would suggest you don't bother with them, find others who are genuine and don't bother with those who either say hello one minute then blank you the next or who don't say hello or even look at you, they are insecure and rude.

wol1968 · 22/04/2016 13:19

Singing she probably feels horribly guilty for not keeping a better eye on her kid instead of texting on her mobile/nattering to another Playground Mafia member and knew she'd been shown up.

apismalifica · 22/04/2016 14:48

Been through that, similar situation to MumsTheWordYouKnow, although in my case some of them were also close neighbours. I am a sociable person and was used to having easy friendship networks until I met that group at the school gates. Looking back my best advice is always to smile and acknowledge them in some way so you can't be shown to be in the wrong, and walk on. I imagine they are part of a clique who discuss other people behind their backs and don't want to be your friend. IMO people like that can draw in other people and find a way to get you excluded from other friendship groups if you aren't careful. Not suggesting you give in to them, but don't enter into the game by escalating. Always behave with dignity and with impeccably good manners and you don't give them excuses to find faults that they can gossip about and point out to other people. This will show them up, and there will be other nicer people to make friends with who will notice how pleasant and friendly you are, particularly if they notice how the clique behave. Agree it's really bad example for children, unfortunately my child suffered terribly from the way these adults and their spawn behaved and 10 years on and a move to a new city he still gets anxious in situations that remind him.

Ripeberry · 22/04/2016 14:52

You don't need other people's approval. If they are rude, then it's their problem. Life's far too short for playground politics. So GLAD that my youngest is going to secondary in September. Won't have to meet any other parent again!

Elle80 · 22/04/2016 14:59

I do this all the time at my daughters' nursery. I love talking to people who have manners and genuinely want to talk to me, but have absolutely no time for members of cliques who think they are above everyone else. I agree that it does feel great to totally blank these arseholes.

The80sweregreat · 22/04/2016 15:05

Nothings changed has it? Havent done a school run in years but it was all the same at my childrens schools too. Some people cant help themselves.
Learn to ignore, hard to do but remaining aloof can pay dividends.

Well done! ( just seen your reply up thread).

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