Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To blank these two mums at the school who clearly do not seem to like me very much?

145 replies

ambergreenred · 21/04/2016 16:04

DS has been at school for almost 3 years now.

There are two mums of other children in his year who are both friends, and both are uber friendly to everyone else, but they don't seem to like me very much. DS is in the same class as their sons and gets on fine with them as far as I know.

It is things like ignoring me sometimes if they walk past me or at childrens' parties, and speaking to me at other times, being very blunt with me if I do ever make small talk with them, and even a few times when I have walked past them on the school run and they've been together, I've said hello and they've just looked at each other and once they both even started laughing.

Like I said, they both seem to be super friendly with others, so it's not like they're unsociable, I'm getting definite vibes that they dislike me.

I kept saying hello out of politeness and to keep the peace and then the other day I thought 'Fuck this' and have now started to blank them each time I see them, and just act like I've never seen them before in my life. I have done it a few times now, and it feels very liberating. I was getting quite anxious about them not liking me and now I feel like I'm more in control.

AIBU to blank them? I know it sounds childish but I just can't be arsed anymore....

OP posts:
blowmybarnacles · 21/04/2016 16:36

Maybe your DS is in my DD's class - I have this with two mums - I don't blank them but nod at most. They only talk to other mums active in the PTA. They ignore every other mum in the class. DD is in year two and it is pathetic.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 21/04/2016 16:38

When I was younger and DS1 & DS2 were at primary school, I (for some reason) wanted other parents to like me and be friendly towards me. Most were, a few were not - for no apparent reason - and it really did bother me.

Nowadays, DSs are 19 & 15 and I am back in the school playground with 4 year old DD. I find time has changed my outlook - I now couldn't give a flying fuck who does and doesn't like or speak to me!

Honestly, life is a lot easier when you adapt your mind to "don't care" mode Grin.

EweAreHere · 21/04/2016 16:55

Ignore them. They are not worth your time.

Sadly, their children will learn this behaviour from them and behave in much the same way as they get older. I see it in other children all the time, mimicking their parents' poor/snobby/catty/entitled/selfish behaviour.

mamafridi · 21/04/2016 16:57

I swear I would get little panic attacks every time I had to pick up my dd from school. Some days mums would be all chatty and enthusiastic then the next day totally ignore me. It was so confusing. So now I've decided to keep my head down and just blank out 90 % of the mums and the ones that smile and chat to me I will reciprocate but I tend to keep it superficial as there seems to be so many cliques and school gate politics going on that its probably best to avoid getting involved. It is very like when I used to go to school myself! Maybe schools bring back the worst in us. whatever it is the best way to get through it is to blank em and not give a damn :-)

MissPunnyMany · 21/04/2016 17:03

Blimey, I read this sort of thing a lot on MN. Makes me half-dread September when DD starts school. I go through the school 'throng' to get to her preschool and notice there are full-on cliques, one in particular, but having mum-friends with dcs already at school I'm told this group amuse quite a few of the mums with their exclusive 'first at the gates, stand in a circle, only speak to those in the clique' attitude. I've only been blanked once my another mum (a few times), I tend to think she's either very shy or very snooty (she comes across as the latter) so I don't bother now.

I agree with everyone else, blank them and take back the power. Whatever their problem is it isn't worth worrying about. I'd be tempted to say 'you can get surgery for that' and when they ask 'surgery for what?' reply 'for having your head shoved up your own backsides'.

AugustaFinkNottle · 21/04/2016 17:09

Good on you, OP. You've taken the power away from them. I bet they have no clue how to handle it.

Germgirl · 21/04/2016 17:15

I work with a couple of people like this. Friendly one day and then blaming me the next. I used to worry about it & always make a big effort to say hello & smile. Then I decided 'fuck it' and now blank them before they get a chance to decide whether to blank me or not that day. I don't care if it's childish, it's liberating and makes me inwardly grin. I suggest you continue to do the same. It'll be annoying them, which is a bonus.

Germgirl · 21/04/2016 17:16

Blanking! Not blaming!

DarkBlueEyes · 21/04/2016 17:22

Well done. You could always, if you were feeling brave suicidal ask them outright - "so what HAVE I done to you two that makes you behave like 11 year old mean girls then?"

But I wouldn't have the cojones to do that and would just ignore them. As I now do with an EX friend (she dumped me for no reason) which is awkward as her husband always makes a major fuss of me when he sees me and pretends not to notice I totally ignore her or she runs away

Rosebud05 · 21/04/2016 17:23

I hear you! After years of wondering why a neighbour consistently treated me like I was something on the bottom of her shoe whilst she was nice to other people and feeling anxious when I saw her in the street ('will she say hello?' will she ignore me?') I decided to completely ignore her and feel very, very liberated.

The final straw came at a mutual friend's birthday party when I offered to buy her a drink (I was buying a round), and then she left after saying goodbye to everyone but me.

For years, I thought I was imagining it, but clearly not.

But yes it is very, very liberating. Feels weird because I've never done this to anyone else before (all very relaxed at the school gate here), but definitely a relief.

PastaLaFeasta · 21/04/2016 17:23

I'm another who doesn't make an effort. I'm also socially awkward and find the rules about whether or not to speak to someone very confusing. Talking to no one is safer, although I am friendly if approached. I am aware I don't fit in if judged on appearance. I had my kids a bit younger than is usual here and have been mistaken as younger than that many times. I even tried to volunteer for the PTA but they didn't bother contacting me again after they met me once. I can imagine other people would have a similar experience for other snobby reasons. I'm hoping to go back to full time work and forget it.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 21/04/2016 17:25

I love a liberating 'fuck 'em!'.

They're twats by the sound of it , it's no loss.

umiaisha · 21/04/2016 17:26

I find that it is far more annoying to the offender if you carry on as normal and say hello to them every time you see them - that way they think that all their bitchy efforts have gone unnoticed and thus bothers them more than being blanked!!

LovelyFriend · 21/04/2016 17:26

I've been blanking a Mum like this at the school - she was always so rude and hostile to me for no reason at all. So been "not seeing her" for a couple of years now - she is invisible to me. Lately I've noticed she has started going out of her way to get in my face, smile and say hello :) WTF?

Another Mum, in DC2's class, was grumpy and would talk to some Mum's but not me. I was determined to make her my friend and I did. She's just a naturally stand-offish character, but lovely once you get to know here so I'm glad I gave myself the challenge
.

HelloTreacle9 · 21/04/2016 17:31

Have you read Leanne Moriaty's Big Little Lies? It's a brilliant portrait of playground mum cliqueyness, as well as being a cracking story.

NadiaWadia · 21/04/2016 17:31

I really can't understand why some mums get like this during the years of taking their kids to primary school. They can't all be of limited intelligence, so what on earth goes on in their heads that they can't behave like normal adults? And can't they see what terrible examples they are setting for their DCs? Utterly pathetic.

NadiaWadia · 21/04/2016 17:33

Is it that being reminded of primary school days causing them to mentally regress, or something? So weird, but sadly seems to be fairly common.

Jinxxx · 21/04/2016 17:46

I have a playground mum who blanks me, often with a Miss Piggy style toss of the head. I have no idea why. If she is alone, I blank her back. If she is being the life and soul of her clique, I make a point of greeting her affectionately and effusively, so she would have to reveal herself as a total bitch by ignoring me. I can see it irritates the hell out of her to have to speak to me.

WakeUpFast · 21/04/2016 17:48

The worst is that you automatically think it's "you", that you're weird for waving or saying hello like an eager beaver. Luckily I have 2 other nice mums I speak to sometimes who say they're blanked too. So it's definitely not me, it's them.

pictish · 21/04/2016 17:52

Going against the grain here but it doesn't sound like they have anything especially bitchy or untoward...they just don't bother with you much. I don't make a point of speaking to every single mum in the school playground every day. There are some I barely acknowledge...and it's nothing to do with not liking them or making a bitchy point, I just don't know them and therefore feel no obligation to make conversation. That's normal isn't it?

pictish · 21/04/2016 17:53

I mean you don't say what your history or relationship is with these two, if any?

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 21/04/2016 18:11

In your shoes OP, I'd just ignore people who ignore me. Life's too short. But don't automatically write off other mums at the school gate.

Unlike most people on MN my best friends are people I met at the school/nursery gate. All were SAHMs so we met regularly at eachothers houses and playgroups for younger DC. I don't think we were cliquey, the groups chopped and changed and when we went away as a group there were 18-20 of us.

But obviously we didn't get to know those that went to work as they weren't around, just dropped and ran or used a CM. That didn't stop their DC being invited round for tea etc but if you never see someone then you're not going to be best mates.

There was only one person who ended up being blanked by some but that's because she royally took the piss when she went back to work. With everyone else we were a supportive group ready to pick up DC, give tea etc when others were stuck at work.

walkingtheplank · 21/04/2016 18:19

I had similar at DC's school. I would always be polite to 2 people even if they did look at me like a piece of dirt, unless they thought I might know something useful.
Then we were at the same party and my husband and I went to talk to them - being polite people - and they actually turned their backs on us. That was a year ago and I've only spoken 1 sentence to 1 of them since - when she asked me a specific question and I gave the curtist of replies.

As you say, it's very liberating.

A4Document · 21/04/2016 18:20

Thanks Hello, I was wondering what to read next!

CaptainCrunch · 21/04/2016 18:22

Hmm pictish, you don't consider openly laughing at someone trying to engage in small talk as particularly bitchy. Right then.