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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To blank these two mums at the school who clearly do not seem to like me very much?

145 replies

ambergreenred · 21/04/2016 16:04

DS has been at school for almost 3 years now.

There are two mums of other children in his year who are both friends, and both are uber friendly to everyone else, but they don't seem to like me very much. DS is in the same class as their sons and gets on fine with them as far as I know.

It is things like ignoring me sometimes if they walk past me or at childrens' parties, and speaking to me at other times, being very blunt with me if I do ever make small talk with them, and even a few times when I have walked past them on the school run and they've been together, I've said hello and they've just looked at each other and once they both even started laughing.

Like I said, they both seem to be super friendly with others, so it's not like they're unsociable, I'm getting definite vibes that they dislike me.

I kept saying hello out of politeness and to keep the peace and then the other day I thought 'Fuck this' and have now started to blank them each time I see them, and just act like I've never seen them before in my life. I have done it a few times now, and it feels very liberating. I was getting quite anxious about them not liking me and now I feel like I'm more in control.

AIBU to blank them? I know it sounds childish but I just can't be arsed anymore....

OP posts:
A4Document · 21/04/2016 18:24

I've met this kind of person a few times too. Why do they do it? Confused What's the point of blanking someone pointedly if they have no idea what they've supposedly done to deserve it?

I tend to either say a breezy hello or nothing at all, but it's still hurtful to feel judged like that when you've tried to be friendly.

CaptainCrunch · 21/04/2016 18:25

...and I would imagine that op hasn't detailed any "history" with them because there isn't any and what "history" would mitigate such unpleasant behaviour.

A4Document · 21/04/2016 18:27

I'm astonished at how often this happens. I don't think blanking used to be so much of a thing, did it? Doesn't anyone make the effort to discuss and clear up misunderstandings or disagreements any more?

GeezAJammyPeece · 21/04/2016 18:33

But, but, BUT....
Don't you feel REALLY specially important???

I mean, surely their behaviour is only manifesting in such a way because they feel threatened by your amazing good looks, sense of style, wit, charm, charisma, and all round awesomeness??? well, that's what I used to tell myself anyway

tobysmum77 · 21/04/2016 18:39

Yanbu op they sound vile. I honestly have no idea what the rest of you are talking about though. The parents at dd's school are pretty normal tbh. I've never noticed anyone blanking anyone or cliques particularly. I mean some people are friends but acquantainces with me... you can't be best mates with everyone though its just not possible is it....?

pictish · 21/04/2016 18:49

I don't see any of this carry on in the school playground either tbh. I'm friendly and speak to lots of people, while still preferring the company of those I'm most friendly with...obviously. There are a few I don't know and don't bother about.
I wonder if there's someone who thinks I'm a cliquey bitch and I've got it in for them?

TiffanyBonj · 21/04/2016 18:52

Do parent's still talk to each other at the school gate? I just get in and out, don't say a word to anyone maybe an odd smile if they catch my eyes, can honestly say I don't know the names of any parents, and DC'S have been at the school for years.

Theoretician · 21/04/2016 18:53

I fear there might be a lot who think I'm shunning them. The truth is that I'm not sociable, have no desire to speak to anyone, and even if I spoke to you for half-an-hour at DD birthday party, I don't remember faces and now have no idea who you are.

CaptainCrunch · 21/04/2016 18:54

Just because you haven't experienced it pictish doesn't mean the op and others haven't. You're being obtuse, the op made it very clear it was more than just being blanked or ignored, she's been openly laughed at by these people but you're determined not to acknowledge that.

pictish · 21/04/2016 18:57

I have experienced bitchiness and cliquishness in my time...I'm just not convinced that that is what is going on here. Sorry like.

00100001 · 21/04/2016 19:03

I bet after a few days of blanking they'll approach you and try and get you "on side" hehehe

HappyFatty · 21/04/2016 19:26

My DP calls them the playground mafia. They're a right clicky bunch ad DC's school. I think it's insecurity on their part and therefore their problem! YADNBU

PPie10 · 21/04/2016 19:31

Why do you want them to be friendly to you so badly? Who cares if they ignore you, they aren't your friends. The only common ground is your kids are at the same school. You don't have to like and make an effort with everyone you see.

Teddy1970 · 21/04/2016 19:37

There's been alot of posts about bitchy school mums lately, my little one starts reception this September, is it really this bad? If so there are some saddo's out there who seriously need to get a life...

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 21/04/2016 19:38

My DH has ASD and has an assistant in class so I had feared it was that that might be making some people blank me but reading this makes me think that lots of people are just weird for no reason! I'm sorry you have this trouble OP but this has made me feel better in perverse way! You are right to blank the wierdos - works for me.

Original poster
ambergreenred · 21/04/2016 20:55

Pictish, there is no background or history between these women and I. They just have been offhand with me since day 1. I don't expect every parent to talk to me, every day, perish the thought. But I do think it's unkind, and rude of them, to not only blank me but to laugh when I speak to them. I haven't mentioned the word cliquey or cliques at all in this thread as far as I'm aware, and certainly accept that there are groups of friends, as I have various friends at the school gate myself.

Out of interest, would you be upset or offended if someone sometimes looked at you and said nothing when you said hello to them, or burst out laughing with their friend when you said hello, again ignoring you?

OP posts:
Original poster
ambergreenred · 21/04/2016 20:58

Thanks everyone for the replies! I will definitely carry on not speaking to them, I really cannot be bothered with people who have an agenda or who have bitchy undertones in their behaviour, and to me it feels as though both of those ladies have those!

OP posts:
Twowrongsdontmakearight · 21/04/2016 21:02

Teddy. In my experience no, it was not at all like that. Everyone was really friendly and we met up to go to the park after school etc.

Original poster
ambergreenred · 21/04/2016 21:04

Teddy I also have two older children and have generally found everyone to be fine and nice enough. I've made some really good friends through the school.

These two women are, unfortunately, something else but I'm glad to say I've not come across any other parents like these before!

OP posts:
lougle · 21/04/2016 21:34

They've kind of won already though, because you're changing your behaviour because of them. If they really didn't matter you wouldn't need to 'actively ignore' them....which is just another phrase for 'pay them huge attention but p pretend not to'.

It would be better to just invest your time in people who deserve it.

mynamesnotMa · 21/04/2016 21:49

I'm sure you aren't the only one they do it to.
They aren't worth the steam of your piss.
If it really bothers you ask them whats so funny mother fucker? Said with a Huggy Bear tone..They might share the joke or hopefully never speak to you again.

Original poster
ambergreenred · 21/04/2016 21:53

That's kind of what I've been doing, lougle :-) Investing time in those that deserve it and not giving any time to those who don't. In all honesty I don't think I care really that they've 'won' as such.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 21/04/2016 21:59

Try not to see it as them "winning" or you "losing". You are not in a competition with each other.

You are simply three people who happen to have kids in the same school.

I think your only crime was not shrugging it off long ago. They'd rather talk to each other than you? Good luck to them.

Original poster
ambergreenred · 21/04/2016 22:05

Saucyjack I don't see it as winning or losing. I was replying to lougle, who referred to the fact that they had 'won'.

They are sociable and chatty with others too and really lovely to others. Not just to each other. It's only me they have an issue with.

OP posts:
Janecc · 21/04/2016 22:12

Apparently according to parents with siblings, it's a particularly bad year for cliques at dds school. I used to have a whole bunch of friends and they've fallen away. A couple of them now associate with the cliquey mummies and others were busy with work and now seem to have formed new friendships in line with their children's friends and have no time for me. God that hurts. DD has also been kicked out of the play date group with the cliquey mums even though these kids are her best friends and that was really hurtful. Now I've got a dog and some new dog walking friends, who I like to spend time with, these are also mums collecting children. Our children get on well, we do playdates with these children instead and I'm happier with DD associating with children of broader minded parents. We stand outside with the dogs and the atmosphere is so different outside the gates. I find inside it so oppressive inside. I find myself following suit and turning away from all of these mums in favour of my new friends. I just say hello if I'm very close proximity. How sad that people cannot just be pleasant and inclusive. How ar our children ever supposed to be that way if we as parents are not able to be like that ourselves?

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