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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To blank these two mums at the school who clearly do not seem to like me very much?

145 replies

ambergreenred · 21/04/2016 16:04

DS has been at school for almost 3 years now.

There are two mums of other children in his year who are both friends, and both are uber friendly to everyone else, but they don't seem to like me very much. DS is in the same class as their sons and gets on fine with them as far as I know.

It is things like ignoring me sometimes if they walk past me or at childrens' parties, and speaking to me at other times, being very blunt with me if I do ever make small talk with them, and even a few times when I have walked past them on the school run and they've been together, I've said hello and they've just looked at each other and once they both even started laughing.

Like I said, they both seem to be super friendly with others, so it's not like they're unsociable, I'm getting definite vibes that they dislike me.

I kept saying hello out of politeness and to keep the peace and then the other day I thought 'Fuck this' and have now started to blank them each time I see them, and just act like I've never seen them before in my life. I have done it a few times now, and it feels very liberating. I was getting quite anxious about them not liking me and now I feel like I'm more in control.

AIBU to blank them? I know it sounds childish but I just can't be arsed anymore....

OP posts:
fridaynight · 22/04/2016 15:15

Are you sure you're being blanked ? I've been jokingly accused of blanking people when I genuinely didn't see or hear them . My DS school has about 600 kids just reception and KS1 , you literally can't smile and greet everyone when you're constantly walking through a sea of people .
I once thought a colleague was blanking me but when I asked others they said that this was just this persons demeanor . Thanks for your post , it's made me think ...

MLGs · 22/04/2016 15:47

You are doing the right thing now by ignoring. But definitely should have done it sooner!

gandalf456 · 22/04/2016 16:47

I've been accused of being off with someone when I had just woken up and was in a bit of a daze

mw63 · 22/04/2016 17:24

We had this at my ds previous school with 3 woman. It wasn't just me, others noticed it too. After several years of this 2 of them fell out with the third. She now stands alone in the playground.

Blackbird1100 · 22/04/2016 17:52

This reply has been deleted

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apismalifica · 22/04/2016 18:57

There is indeed psychological warfare going on at the school gates and it's bloody miserable. What ever happened to feminist solidarity! A lot of them seem to be at each others throats these days.

cleaty · 22/04/2016 19:03

They sound nasty.
But I do think some people who are friendly at times and not at other times, are because of nothing to do with the people they are talking to.

Aeroflotgirl · 22/04/2016 19:06

Yes I would ignore them.

squeak10 · 22/04/2016 20:16

So glad I don't have to pick up from school anymore. You are not being ur, there as are some clique bitches out there. Hold your head high, ignore them x

Youvegottobekidding · 23/04/2016 17:28

Just smile at them & flip the bird.....ha ha only kidding! Wouldn't you just love to do that though! It use to bother me when my ds started primary a few years ago, now I couldn't care less, if they like to think as themselves as superior (as that's how they act) than me, let them, for all of two mins while I wave goodbye to ds!

CLINKERVISION1 · 24/04/2016 18:18

I hate the school run, I'm not in the clique probably because I actually go to work, don't do coffee mornings and have a child who falls out with his friends a lot . To be honest as far as im aware they only really socialize with one another, where my social circle is with my younger colleagues and my close friends from my school days.
When I overhear some conversations they are very bitchy and catty about each other and other mums so I'm guessing they are the same about me. That's fine as my time and energy is spent with people who I actually like, not with people I'm happen to stand next to in a playground.

PinkBallerina · 24/04/2016 18:30

Blank away, OP. I started blanking the other week. A woman who goes to the same gym classes as me, a real gym veteran, completly blanks me too. On odd days she will say hello but can walk right past me when i have approached her and tried to be friendly. She is my friend's friend and i think a little jealous of our friendship. But after 3 months of trying to be her friend i have given up. I now just ignore her too. It is a bit childish but quite good fun!

Sillybillybonker · 24/04/2016 18:33

I have face recognition difficulties too - it is common with people who have dyslexia or autism. I know I blank people. People tell me I ignored them and I didn't even see them!

However, in this case, those 2 are clearly being unfriendly so YANBU

A4Document · 24/04/2016 18:38

I almost ignored someone the other day by mistake. If I'm daydreaming a bit I don't really notice who else is around, especially if I'm somewhere busy.

YesAnastasia · 24/04/2016 18:39

They do sound rude BUT you may have misinterpreted. (or not...)

I just wanted to say. I have made myself popular. I am always in school for one reason or another, very visible in the PTA and friends with the teachers. I've done all this on purpose so I can make sure my DS doesn't get bullied (he has autism) I know I have a clique but that bit is purely by accident. There are women that I don't get to speak to on a daily basis and to them it might seem personal. I can also be quite stressed at times (DS) and sometimes my smiley mask slips a bit. I try very hard to say hello & smile at everyone but I can't always do it. I swear I haven't snubbed anyone on purpose, ever.

I'm only saying all this to give the other side a voice. I just can't believe that all of you have experienced a bitchy clique & a queen bee who's purposefully excluding another grown woman from a group of friends. I might be naive but surely not??!!

Plus, there may be some women who feel this way about me but I can absolutely say it isn't true with me. I hope I've never laughed with a friend when someone has said Hi though Confused

toomuchtooold · 24/04/2016 18:39

Somebody did this with me at our parent and baby group. She'd very nearly roll her eyes when I said hello at other baby things, so I started blanking her, and suddenly she wanted to be my best mate. Oh, just fuck off with your big dog/little dog nonsense, will you? In some people's sad little worlds there are the shitters and the shat on, and you're going to be one if you're not the other.

knacked · 24/04/2016 18:43

They are cows. Blank em. Nasty feckers.

Mumofonesoontobetwo · 24/04/2016 18:45

Fuck them... no way AYBU. They were to ever make you feel like that in the first place. Sounds like they should be the ones in primary school!

Caravanoflove · 24/04/2016 18:52

Yesanastasia- I am not directing this at you personally but it does seem that it's women who are in school constantly, who have their own clique that seem to be at the cause of misery, intentionally or not.
I do often wonder what will happen once the children leave primary school when as a mum people are so invested in the school. I see it at our school, very few work, very invested in the PTA, always at school, cliques galore, don't seem to have a social circle outside of the school. Does this all just carry on once the kids grow up?

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 24/04/2016 19:12

They sound like grown up versions of the little bitches we had at my school - a whole coven of them, with an evil little Queen Bitch at the top. (Queen Bitch went on to be a teacher - I often think about the poor kids who encountered her.)

Honestly, ignore these two - they are not worth a single moment of upset or angst.

Sarn1234 · 24/04/2016 19:25

Never get involved in the mummy mafia. For years I said hello and tried to fit in. My middle child, my son was apparently very rough with some of the other mums little darlings and they used to all talk about me and when I walked up the conversation would stop. They never told me what was wrong until a gang of them started shouting at me in the playground! I then kept myself to myself and ignored most people, some nice mums talked to me and I just kept it friendly but didnt socialise outside school. My kids are grown up and the youngest is 13 and I dont have to deal with bitches anymore, I have noticed some people say hello and then blank you the next time they see you, fuck em!!!!

damepeanutbutter · 24/04/2016 19:29

DD1 is now 19 and my youngest left Primary school 2 years ago. I couldn't wait to be away from the playground. We moved house and DD1 started at a new school in Year 1. Another mother was friendly at first and then started blanking me after our first term there. It really upset me. We knew hardly anyone in the new town we had moved to so I really needed friends as I had a toddler and was pregnant. Others said it was because my DD was cleverer than this other woman's DD. I said 'how the hell do you know that?" and this third person said 'because I make it my business to go on and help with the reading so that I can see what is going on in the class'. FFS!

After a term of being sent to Coventry I decided to play her at her own game and when I walked past her I stuck my nose in the air, turned my head from her and walked on. Honestly, she did not know what to do! She was then desperate to talk to me but was so socially stilted that she didn't know how to undo her unpleasantness. I made it easy for her by talking to her at a Christmas play date thing the class rep organised for the kids. She was so relieved Grin.

Seriously OP, get some of your own self-esteem back by ignoring these women. Blank them, walk past them, don't acknowledge them. They will start wanting to be besties with you before too long.

As soon as my DCs were old enough (7 I think) I made sure that I picked up outside the school gates, parking my car in the same place each day, so that I did not have to face the playground mafia. I have my own life and my DCs have theirs, which does not involve their friends' parents!

Mischa123 · 24/04/2016 19:32

The mums at my school are awful. I hardly speak to any of them and there are those I thought I was friends with that acted really weird and ignored me at a party yesterday. I can't wait to move schools in September

DavetheCat2001 · 24/04/2016 19:50

I spent 2 or 3 really miserable years at high school from about 13-15 being ignored/gossiped about by a cliquey group of horrible bitchy girls, who frankly made my life miserable. They would throw me a few crumbs every now and then and deign to speak to me, lull me into a false sense of feeling happily included, and then be horrible the next day.

As a result I hated high school (till the 6th form when most of them left and I started hanging out with a nice bunch who were inclusive and friendly). I was sappy though with no self confidence and let this ridiculous, childish nonsense ruin my life, fuck up my schooling and generally mess me up.God knows why I wanted to be 'in with' this group anyway as they were horrible, but I did and for some reason they didn't like me much and like a pack, egged each other on to pick on me.

Since I have become an adult and a mother myself, I have changed my outlook on other people/friendships etc. I know who my real friends are, and I know who I rub along with just fine, and which mums I am happy to chat to/have their kids over for tea etc. I also know which ones can fuck right off. One in particular at my sons school has turned her nose up at me from day one. Most probably because I work 3 days a week so am only on the school run 2 days, and she has formed cliquey friendships with the mums who all did coffee mornings early on when our kids started in Reception. I didn't make those, however most of the mums/dads in my sons class are friendly and I speak (briefly) to most of them. This one snotty cow though has blanked me from day one, even if I am chatting to other mums in a group she is standing in, she will just not acknowledge me.

Happily these days I couldn't give a flying monkeys bollock about people like her. I have learned that the best way to deal with people like that is to ignore/blank and just concentrate on the nice folks.

Life is too short, and I have enough proper friends to care anymore. Just wish I could go back to my 14 year old self, give me a slap and a massive hug and tell myself it would be ok, there are people like this all through life, and the best thing you can do is ignore them.

Rant over!

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 24/04/2016 19:54

The school run is no different to any other place where a wide range of people happen to congregate. There are loads of 'school gate mums exclude me' threads on MN and loads of 'people at work exclude me' threads. In any situation there will be some people that you get on with more than others.

If you work full time and others are SAHMs then obviously they have more in common with each other than with you, wrt life priorities anyway. These are their friends in the same way that you might count some of your colleagues, people who have chosen the same path as you, as friends.