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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU: stare-down with youth so they would get up and let elderly couple sit

62 replies

floral1 · 20/04/2016 16:23

Hi,
Ok I know this isn't exactly AIBU, more of a past one really.

Anyway, this morning I was on the 9am bus as usual but today it was really full and so a lot of people were standing. 2 stops on, an elderly couple get on the bus. The woman managed to hold a hand-bar thing but the man was, quite literally, struggling to stand and nearly falling over. I looked around at the nearest seats and on one side there was a woman with a pram with a baby- fair enough. Other side, a pair of youngsters who I've seen on the bus for a few months. I know they get off a few stops ahead (I'm presuming they are college students as there is a college very closeby to the stop).
So I practically stared at them till one of them caught my eye and then indicated to the other to get up. I then asked the elderly couple if they wanted to sit down- the man smiled and said thank you, nudged the woman and both sat down.

I then looked at the yongsters and said thank you. BUT WIBU to have asked them to have gotten up via a stare-down? I didn't want to say it to them (which would have been loud) as to not embarrass them but I was always told to let the elderly sit ut of respect.

P.S. I was also standing, close to the doors of the bus

I'm now wondering if I was being silly or not ... so dear MN, be the judges!

OP posts:

Pollyputhtekettleon · 20/04/2016 16:26

YWU to stare them down like that. They were probably in their own world not noticing what was going on around them so you should have just leaned over and said politely that the old couple needed a seat.

GretchenBeckett · 20/04/2016 16:27

Yabu you don't know if one of the 'youths' has some kind of disability that meant he needs to sit down!

GretchenBeckett · 20/04/2016 16:28

And glaring at that is really not on

SaucyJack · 20/04/2016 16:29

Here- have the pat on the back you're fishing for.

AdrenalineFudge · 20/04/2016 16:29

"Stare-down" really...?

DerelictMyBalls · 20/04/2016 16:30

Why didn't you just ask them? It's a bit odd that you looked around, decided who should stand up for the couple and then glared at them until they got the message.

angelos02 · 20/04/2016 16:31

you don't know if one of the 'youths' has some kind of disability that meant he needs to sit down!

Slightly more likely that this was not the case.

skippy67 · 20/04/2016 16:31

Oh grow up.

Borka · 20/04/2016 16:34

YWBU, you should have just asked them politely. Would you have glared like that at people your own age?

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 20/04/2016 16:34

YWBU.

I have always looked fit and healthy but I'm not. I have a hidden disability and you have no idea if these young people did or not. When I was younger I would have stood up as I would have felt intimidated by you but I would have spent the rest of day in a hell of a lot of pain.

Ameliablue · 20/04/2016 16:34

Were you sitting or standing?

mollie123 · 20/04/2016 16:35

going against the grain here - but you did the right thing in principle but to have had a quiet word with them rather than the glare would have been a better approach (glaring may well have back-fired on you )

IWantMyMumSheWouldBeProud · 20/04/2016 16:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

floral1 · 20/04/2016 16:36

I wasn't able to lean over and say else I really would have. I'm not one to do such a thing hence why I'm asking. They were watching this elderly man struggle to stand but continued to chat and pay no heed. The man had been standing for a few minutes and they had observed since the couple got on the bus. That was when I started to look for possible seats
Saucy-Jack that was completely irrelevant. I simply asked for an opinion. Thank you to those that gave one. I appreciate it.
I've seen these youths on the bus standing willingly for the duration of the bus journey and they have gotten on before the stop I was on. That's why I'm now re-thinking as at the time, I really didn't give any though about invisible disabilities! Anyways, when I next see them I'll apologise and clarify. Thank you

OP posts:

Original poster

floral1 · 20/04/2016 16:37

It was a packed bus and having said something would have meant quite literally shouting as it was loud in the bus

OP posts:

Capricorn76 · 20/04/2016 16:38

They probably didn't even notice them. You were out of order and wouldn't have done that to an older person. Next time just ask.

Original poster

floral1 · 20/04/2016 16:38

I was stading msyelf with quite a bit of luggage. If I was sitting I would have offered my own seat first

OP posts:

YelloRoses · 20/04/2016 16:38

You did the right thing, sometimes people need a reminder to be thoughtful for others less able and you did it without embarrassing anyone, the kids knew why you were giving them the death stare. Well done op.

mrsmugoo · 20/04/2016 16:38

I would have just given up my own seat (and I'm 7 months pregnant with a toddler but perfectly able to stand if an OAP needed the seat more then I did.)

Original poster

floral1 · 20/04/2016 16:39

correction: standing, myself

OP posts:

Lifecanonlygetbetter · 20/04/2016 16:40

If my 16 year old daughter is anything to go by, they get on a bus, plug their head phones in and float off to another world. Perhaps a polite comment along the lines of ' I think that those two people are finding it more difficult to stand up on a moving bus' would have achieved the same outcome.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 20/04/2016 16:40

Slightly more likely that this was not the case

It's not that unlikely that a teenager with a disability would travel on the bus, loads of areas have removed most of there direct transportation for children with ECHPS and now issue bus passes instead, and many disabled people are entitled to concessionry bus passes.

AntiquityUbiquity · 20/04/2016 16:41

A simple "Excuse me are either of you able to stand for these elderly folk?" would have done. One is allowed to speak to the "youths" as if they're regular people and a polite enquiry covers hidden disabilities.

Original poster

floral1 · 20/04/2016 16:43

lifecanonlygetbetter they weren't wearing earphones, and were talking to one another. I couldn't ask them as that would have been the first thing I would have done. to have said somethign would have meant shouting over people and in question really embarrassing them

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 20/04/2016 16:43

The 'stare-down' was incredibly childish and unnecessary.

If they were near enough to hear you saying thank you, and if they were in your line of sight to notice this 'stare-down', then you should have had no trouble asking them if they'd be so kind as to let the elderly passengers sit down.

I think you'll find the vast majority of teens/school kids respond very well when treated with respect.

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