WIBU: stare-down with youth so they would get up and let elderly couple sit

[floral1]

Hi,
Ok I know this isn't exactly AIBU, more of a past one really.

Anyway, this morning I was on the 9am bus as usual but today it was really full and so a lot of people were standing. 2 stops on, an elderly couple get on the bus. The woman managed to hold a hand-bar thing but the man was, quite literally, struggling to stand and nearly falling over. I looked around at the nearest seats and on one side there was a woman with a pram with a baby- fair enough. Other side, a pair of youngsters who I've seen on the bus for a few months. I know they get off a few stops ahead (I'm presuming they are college students as there is a college very closeby to the stop).
So I practically stared at them till one of them caught my eye and then indicated to the other to get up. I then asked the elderly couple if they wanted to sit down- the man smiled and said thank you, nudged the woman and both sat down.

I then looked at the yongsters and said thank you. BUT WIBU to have asked them to have gotten up via a stare-down? I didn't want to say it to them (which would have been loud) as to not embarrass them but I was always told to let the elderly sit ut of respect.

P.S. I was also standing, close to the doors of the bus

I'm now wondering if I was being silly or not ... so dear MN, be the judges!

YABU. None of your business.

The couple were, I assume, perfectly capable of asking or 'staring down' travellers themselves if in need of a seat.

You made assumptions about the couple, and assumptions about the "youths". Don't do that. Or at least, don't act on it.

Iwantmymumshewouldbeproud- I was really just wanting opinions and advice but maybe I should have worded it better. This is my first post though and I'm still trying to understand MN!

Don't worry about it floral... you have simply wandered into one of those topics where any everyday action is wrong and a normal discussion is not possible.

Remember to avoid parent and child space questions too!

I think you're getting a hard time here OP. You've seen the boys standing before, apparently with no problems.

I think there are two dangers to the posts on here so far. One is that although I accept that hidden disabilities make life difficult and if someone is asked to do something and can't they're going to feel extremely vulnerable, belittled and angry, it is also true that the majority of people don't have a hidden disability. So it can end up with a lot of people being very selfish yet no-one dares ask them to change their behaviour. My second point is why shouldn't the OP have said something on behalf of the elderly couple? Maybe they too felt too embarrassed to admit that they couldn't stand, or, as with many of that generation 'didn't like to make a fuss'. If the gentleman couldn't stand through old age, isn't that a disability too?

To suggest that the OP should keep out of it is to tacitly accept what the boys did and so consideration for others gradually erodes. It's this 'None of your business' approach that means people look the other way even when someone is being beaten or abused.

In the OP's shoes, at a distance too far to speak to them directly, I would have stared until I got their attention , and then used my eyes to gesture to the couple and with a smile mouthed 'can they have your seats please?'.

I totally agree that the OP shouldn't keep out of it.

And I think that coming on AIBU can make you think about what your underlying assumptions are and how to tackle things differently

I think she's got the message

Dere- could you please explain how I seemed certain I WNU?

Because on the first page alone, 12 out of 14 people told you YABU and you responded by explaining why you weren't.

I have been on a packed train and called out politely 'could someone please give up their seat for this couple please?' It's always worked, people are in their own world during their commute. Perhaps better than singling out anyone specifically and staring at them?

yadnbu but better to just ask, quicker too!

I suppose the question Floral is how would you have gone about it if instead of two young people it had been two thirty something businessmen or two 40 something women.

Would you still have stared them down?

I would have just asked. I don't think there is any need for a stare down.

Why does the mother of the baby not get a glare?