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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Missing fiancé

59 replies

Falling270 · 19/04/2016 22:58

I'm working away from home, missing my fiancé and can't see him for another month. Really struggling to cope as missing him so much. I know that sounds pathetic but I feel so miserable. Have any of you had to be apart from your partners for an extended period of time and if so how do you cope?

OP posts:

ToucheShay · 19/04/2016 23:00

I thought you meant he hadn't come home

EatShitDerek · 19/04/2016 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lateforeverything · 19/04/2016 23:10

Oh good God I thought he'd disappeared!

I liked sending dh emails and snail mail as well as speaking to him when studies kept us apart many years ago.

Iseesheep · 19/04/2016 23:14

We (far too) regularly spend 4-9 months apart. I turn it into the new normal and just crack on with it and take the opportunity to do new things and stuff himself would rather not do!

Katedotness1963 · 19/04/2016 23:14

My husband worked away for three months at a time, for a couple of years. We emailed and skyped often. Changed days from when we first got married 30+ years ago and had to make do with a ten minute phone call once a week when he was in the armed forces.

Tiggeryoubastard · 19/04/2016 23:15

Just get on with it. Keep busy. Don't torture yourself. This was in the days before mobile phones.

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 19/04/2016 23:18

gawd...and this is said with love....pull yourself together!

stop pining and get on with your daily life, invest some time in doing something that makes you happy

dh has regularly been away with work throughout our entire marriage...not coping was not an option!

singme · 19/04/2016 23:18

We've recently done a long time living apart for work. I got used to it in many ways but sometimes it just hit me how much I missed him. I was the one who moved away so for me it meant taking on a couple of projects at work and making the effort to socialise with new people. Plus took time for long walks, cinema trips and activities that we wouldn't necessarily do together (and tv shows he wouldn't watch!) it's hard but the time will pass

Cutecat78 · 19/04/2016 23:29

My OH is a submariner we have no contact for months at a time.

It's crap.

I feel your pain.

Write a diary, do colouring, try and be busy, talk to your friends x

TSSDNCOP · 19/04/2016 23:29

I take the view he will probably die before me so I use it as good practice to be able to stand on my own two feet and enjoy my own company.

RudeElf · 19/04/2016 23:32

Forces partner. Months at a time without even a phonecall. You get used to it.

I'm assuming you can facetime/text/call etc?

Queenie73 · 19/04/2016 23:38

My husband used to be a fisherman and was away in the North Sea for long periods of time. I just made sure I had lots to keep busy and tried not to dwell on how dangerous his job was.
I think it felt more normal for me though, because my dad was in the army and when we were little he was away more than he was at home.

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 19/04/2016 23:39

Yes, five or six times during our relationship, for longer periods, all but one with children involved, once when youngest was only a week old.

Everyone's right, you just accept the situation and get on with it, making the most of what you can have, phone calls, emails or whatever. Sorry if it sounds harsh but it's reality.

CrackerChops · 19/04/2016 23:39

My OH is a submariner we have no contact for months at a time.

As a member of the forces I sympathise! I fancied becoming a submariner but I think the lack of contact (and fresh air) would drive me up the wall, good n' proper. Sending and

Original poster

Falling270 · 19/04/2016 23:40

Thanks for your replies. Funnily enough the hard line advice does help me get a grip so to speak.

We can text and what's app call but no mobile signal only wifi and it's not fantastic. The bandwidth isn't enough for a FaceTime call or Skype. I'm just so used to us being together each evening (we've spent up to two weeks apart before no problem but this is a lot longer) and hate the feeling of not sharing those little things that happen in each other's lives each day. I wonder is a job worth it? Totally appreciate that others have it much harder than me though and I should just get a grip.

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 19/04/2016 23:44

My father worked away from my mother for five years before I was born. I don't think they had anything but snail mail in those days.
Have you tried to create a social life where you are?

Cutecat78 · 19/04/2016 23:45

I keep a diary and write every shite little thing that happens every day.

I compile the more interesting bits in a letter and he gets all my letters when the boat gets back and he reads them all before he can speak to me when he gets alongside.

It's good when something truly shit has happened (my mum had cancer) then he knows before that first phone call.

You just have to find ways to cope.

It's hard and when you feel shit be nice to yourself.

RudeElf · 19/04/2016 23:46

i wonder is a job worth it

Is this likely to be a regular thing? How often? For how long each time?

CrackerChops · 19/04/2016 23:46

OP I know what you mean about wanting to share the little moments. It's hard for anyone, regardless of the circumstances. Whenever I've been away for an extended time, I find the best way to cope is to keep busy. It sounds so simple, but it works.

RudeElf · 19/04/2016 23:47

I found i was really shit at remembering all the stuff i wanted to tell (then) partner when he called so i started keeping a little notebook when things happened or popped into my head so when he phoned i could tell him it all.

CrackerChops · 19/04/2016 23:47

YY to the diary, btw. I used to put photos and funny quotes from my colleagues in mine whenever I was away

HeddaGarbled · 19/04/2016 23:47

I think a lot of the problem is that you are away from home. If he was away, you would still be in your own home and able to see friends and family, which helps you to deal with missing your partner.

What are you doing with your evenings and weekends?

Original poster

Falling270 · 19/04/2016 23:49

My job is remote the only people I see are colleagues who are lovely admittedly. The job will potentially go on for 18 months with various stretches away from home throughout. It's quite good money and I was planning how much I could save but not sure it's worth it.

I'm not (normally) insecure in my relationship but (and I think this is because I have left and he's at home) I start worrying he'll get used to me not being there, start having to carve out a single life and it will change the dynamic of our relationship when I do get back.

OP posts:

Cutecat78 · 19/04/2016 23:50

Ah c'mon - the welcome home sex

Original poster

Falling270 · 19/04/2016 23:50

I work long shifts and so evenings are just dinner and bed. I promise I'm not being "woe is me" that really is what it's like here. We are at sea so no other options.

OP posts:

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