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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it wasn't my fault that her coat got dirty

504 replies

NatureRun · 18/04/2016 08:00

In a busy coffee shop with 8-month-old DS and our NCT group. A woman pulled an extra chair up to join her friends at crowded table next to us. She sat down within grabbing range of DS and before I could stop him he twisted round in highchair and grabbed hold of her pale grey coatigan thing that she'd draped over chair and wiped his mouth on it Shock He had prune puree and yogurt around his mouth as I was feeding him Blush

Woman jumped up angrily and told me off. I apologised profusely but she was really angry. She insisted I pay for dry-cleaning. I refused (had she been nicer I may have offered) but she was making a scene and I loathed her.

If you sit within grabbing distance of a prune-covered baby surely that's not my fault? Or am I BU?

OP posts:
BeardMinge · 18/04/2016 11:07

I would've laughed and asked you for a wet wipe to get it off. Mind you, I have a toddler, so most of my clothes are covered in her grot already.

Pre-motherhood I might have been a bit more pissed off but, unless it was a particularly nice item of clothing and I was on my way to wedding or job interview, I wouldn't have made much of a scene. I think I have quite low standards though.

pictish · 18/04/2016 11:13

Where have I said otherwise?

pictish · 18/04/2016 11:16

I wouldn't get cross under these circumstances. I just didn't like the inference from the OP that the woman had brought it on herself by sitting there.

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 18/04/2016 11:16

God all the people saying you should pay for dry cleaning are hilarious! Of course you shouldn't. You apologised, that's enough.

fascicle · 18/04/2016 11:17

gandalf
Technically, she's right

How is the woman right, 'technically'?

gandalf456 · 18/04/2016 11:20

To say it's op's 'fault' but babies do these things and you can't always see accidents before they happen so she's bu getting aggressive about it

HoneyDragon · 18/04/2016 11:20

Has anyone on the thread boy an 8 month old to hand? If so can you please measure the distance from arm pit to finger tip please?

Because my immediate reaction is gosh that's a bit close to sit next to another party in a cafe.

And then to start flapping coats on backs of chairs too.

I think Croatian ladies reaction was a Wee bit over the top considering she was a space invader, she took a chair from another table so clearly she was exceeding what the cafe thought was a suitable amount of persons to be around that table therefore she risked attacks via prune, being tripped over by waiting staff or elbowing someone else's face into their soup of the day.

HoneyDragon · 18/04/2016 11:21

*COATIGAN

damn you autocucumber

NeedACleverNN · 18/04/2016 11:24

Has anyone on the thread boy an 8 month old to hand? If so can you please measure the distance from arm pit to finger tip please?

I think you would need to consider them leaning/reaching too

Babies can reach far when they really want to grab something

Still don't think you needed to pay though

MistressMerryWeather · 18/04/2016 11:25

Croatian lady. :o

I am I the only one who automatically thinks "Eurovision Song Contest" everytime Croatia is mentioned?

HoneyDragon · 18/04/2016 11:26

Ok does anyone have an 8 moth old they are will willing to slightly stretch and measure? Grin

I like to be informed before throwing in my reasonable or unreasonable Wink

like7 · 18/04/2016 11:27

I think YABU . However the woman behaved she should be able to go into a coffee shop without checking whether it is 'safe' to sit somewhere first. Although it was an accident it is your responsibility as it's your child. If you don't fee happy about that then maybe it's best to meet in each other's houses or when it's warmer, outside. It can be very stressfu to take my autistic son out to cafes etc. because of his behaviour - loud noises, banging the table but we do try to do it. We always try to find seats away from everyone else but if we feel he is affecting others' enjoyment too much then we would leave. He has grabbed other people's food before (mostly in McDonalds) and we have always offered to replace it but fortunately no one has take us up on it. (Fortunately is not because of paying out but because of the stress of queuing up again!).

NeedACleverNN · 18/04/2016 11:31

What centile honeydragon? It makes a big difference apparently. I never understood it really

MewlingQuim · 18/04/2016 11:32

YANBU, OP.

An apology is enough. What sort of twat expects someone else to pay for dry cleaning because their clothes accidentally got dirty while being worn in a public space? Utterly bonkers Confused

HoneyDragon · 18/04/2016 11:34

If the measurer can say what centile their baby is on and the op can also say then I can work it out in 4mm breaks.

Pangurban1 · 18/04/2016 11:35

She inserted herself into your baby's personal space. What are you supposed to do? Tie the baby's hands up. I hate when a stranger practically sits on top of your lap where is isn't actually a space. Encroaching on another's personal boundary has a few implications, as this woman has experienced first hand.

On another note, I hope her shouting didn't upset the baby in any way. I would have complained about that. She is an adult, with full responsibility for her behaviour.

You apologised and she shouted. On another note, you have a self cleaning baby!

HoneyDragon · 18/04/2016 11:35

Obviously I need a human baby measured, an orangutan wouldn't be good.

IPityThePontipines · 18/04/2016 11:44

So, we now not only have to tolerate large groups of mothers and babies we also have to give them a wide berth and not complain if they damage our clothing?

You do realise you're posting on MUMSNET, don't you?

OP YANBU. Completely.

OnlyLovers · 18/04/2016 11:45

You should have offered immediately to pay for the item to be cleaned. Whether she took you up on it or laughed and said 'No, don't worry about it' would be up to her, but it's up to you to make the gesture.

I'd offer if it were me dirtying someone's clothes, whether it be because of a baby, a pet, my own clumsiness, whatever.

Micah · 18/04/2016 11:47

Stuff gets dirty. Wash it when it does. Stay naked and leave your clothes in the wardrobe if you want them to stay pristine.

Jeez. It's daily life people. There isn't always blame and the expectation others should put things right.

If your coatigan thing is so precious then dont drape it over a chair in a cafe.

honkinghaddock · 18/04/2016 11:50

like7 - Please don't feel like you should have to remove your son for things like being noisy and banging and other every day asd behaviours.

akkakk · 18/04/2016 11:54

adult has the brain and discernment to say - ooh, look baby with pruney messy face - better keep my nice (insert weird name) garment away from his reach...

baby doesn't have the discernment to say ooh look that is an expensive (weird name here) garment, not a baby wipe / roll of kitchen towel I had better not rub my face on it...

congratulate yourself that by 8 months your child is already wiping around his mouth when eating out - most 10 year olds don't manage that!

YANBU

Yseulte · 18/04/2016 12:00

adult has the brain and discernment to say - ooh, look baby with pruney messy face - better keep my nice (insert weird name) garment away from his reach...

This.

MarshaMallow84 · 18/04/2016 12:04

YANBU.
You apologised, that was enough. It was an accident. Accidents happen. If she'd sat on a bird poo on a bench who would she have shouted at? Sometimes clothes get dirty, especially if you're not looking after them carefully. It was her responsibility to make sure she'd put her weird coaty thing somewhere safe if it was that precious.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 18/04/2016 12:07

What on earth was the coatigan made of that it needed dry cleaning? You can wash cashmere - handwash if you're being very fussy, but most washing machines now have handwash cycles. The only things I can think of that need dry-cleaning are suits or very detailed/intricate items with eg fancy beading etc like wedding dresses/special occasion dresses, and they don't really come under the heading of 'coatigan'. Surely by definition a coatigan is made of cardigan-like material, while looking like a coat, and is therefore washable?