To think it wasn't my fault that her coat got dirty

[NatureRun]

In a busy coffee shop with 8-month-old DS and our NCT group. A woman pulled an extra chair up to join her friends at crowded table next to us. She sat down within grabbing range of DS and before I could stop him he twisted round in highchair and grabbed hold of her pale grey coatigan thing that she'd draped over chair and wiped his mouth on it He had prune puree and yogurt around his mouth as I was feeding him

Woman jumped up angrily and told me off. I apologised profusely but she was really angry. She insisted I pay for dry-cleaning. I refused (had she been nicer I may have offered) but she was making a scene and I loathed her.

If you sit within grabbing distance of a prune-covered baby surely that's not my fault? Or am I BU?

Where can I buy a charm school manual?

This has just brought back memories of Valentine's Day this year. Took DD for a nice meal in Blackpool, she was a bit quiet and not herself so we had a cuddle and... bluergh. Sick all down my back and all over the coat of the poor lady sat eating her dinner behind me.

She was absolutely lovely, considering she was about 7 months pregnant and had toddler vomit on her lovely coat. We helped clean the coat, paid for their meal secretly and legged it.

Back to the topic though, OP YANBU. Shit happens. You apologised, she was a mardy cow about it. As a parent I know to leave a 5 metre radius around any weaning-stage baby.

So op doesn't ever want to get in this situation of having to pay for a coatigan again. Next time someone comes and sits too close what is she expected to do to avoid it happening again?

A. Move herself and the baby away from the woman.
B. Say "excuse me, but you might be sitting too close and my baby might smear your coatigan that you have draped over the back of your chair in his reach"
C. Carry on minding your own business and expect other people to do their own risk assessments.

Anyone who thinks A or B are real options are in Lala land. It was a foreseeable accident but it was the other woman who put herself in that position. The op did nothing wrong and it would be unreasonable to expect her to have done A orB. You have to be responsible for the actions of your own child but not the actions of other adults. The other adult put themselves in the situation.

You sound lovely kidsrule

Only skim read the thread I'm afraid but of course you should pay for her dry cleaning! It's a shame she was rude, but it's your responsibility all the same.

If I parked by someone and dd overzealously opened the door and whacked their car, then I'd pay.

Kids break and damage things sometimes. Being responsible for that is a less fun aspect of parenting.

I remember a previous thread recently where a man's daughter damaged curtains by knocking red wine over them. The consensus there was that he should pay for the dry cleaning. How is this different?

WHY MUST EVERYTHING BE DRY-CLEANED!?!?!?

Great nname, furiosa

That comes under the heading of shit happens.
I would have apologised but no way would I be offering to pay for dry cleaning. It's just tough.

Chill Suburban

It's from a film and I doubt this thread is kosher.

If I stumbled and spilled soup on someone's clothes, I would cough up for dry cleaning, even though it was an accident. The fact that you couldn't prevent it doesn't absolve you of the responsibility for making good the damage. Likewise if my dog jumped up unexpectedly and soiled someone's clothes. I don't think you can expect people to give your baby a 3 foot fire-break in a busy cafe or accept that they might get food smeared if they don't.

She shouldn't have shouted but you should have agreed to pay and YABU to try and blame her for your baby wiping his mouth on her cardie.

dowhatnow
It was a foreseeable accident but it was the other woman who put herself in that position.

You have to be responsible for the actions of your own child but not the actions of other adults.

Absolutely. The OP would require ninja-like skills/the ability to pause time to prevent the incident, which occurred because of choices the other woman made (adding an extra chair to a crowded table; seating herself in such close proximity to an 8 month old baby; placing her coatigan within easy grasp of the baby).

LightDrizzle
The fact that you couldn't prevent it doesn't absolve you of the responsibility for making good the damage.

She wouldn't be responsible from a legal point of view. I wouldn't agree that she had any moral responsibility - not sure what that leaves.

I have heard that prune is the in colour this season and that Dylon sell blacks of it. Chance for Coatigan lady to be right on trend - even if coatigans are the devils knitwear.

Blocks

It was the woman's fault. She pulled over to a crowded table, near a baby eating baby food. Predictable behaviour from the baby.
If she pushed something into the path of a moving car, she would probably blame the car for hitting it.

I do feel sorry for the children of those people whose parents refuse to take responsibility for their actions. I dread to think of the horrible entitled brats that they are going to grow into.

Well would you look at that, still no op who has no posting history before this.

If I parked by someone and dd overzealously opened the door and whacked their car, then I'd pay.

Kids break and damage things sometimes. Being responsible for that is a less fun aspect of parenting.

I totally agree. I really surprised that so many people on this thread don't seem to think that they are responsible for any damage their child does.

I know, paul - it's almost unbelievable, isn't it?

zeezeek
I do feel sorry for the children of those people whose parents refuse to take responsibility for their actions. I dread to think of the horrible entitled brats that they are going to grow into.

The person lacking responsibility, care and attention in this situation was the other woman.

FasterThanASnakeAndAMongoose
If I parked by someone and dd overzealously opened the door and whacked their car, then I'd pay.

Not an equivalent analogy. In that situation, the parent would indeed be responsible.

We got a feel sorry for the children can I stamp my bingo card?

YANBU. Apology adequate - it will wash off easily!

I disagree with everyone saying you're BU.

YANBU. There was no way you could've stopped it, it happened in literally a millisecond from what you said and the woman was a twat for getting so angry about it. Whilst it is not her job to 'supervise' your baby or whatever peoples arguments were for saying YABU, it is an obvious risk to putting your coat right next to a baby eating their lunch is likely to result in it getting covered in food, and therefore she should have thought twice as the risk of damage was reasonably foreseeable. (can you tell I am a lawyer, haha!)

I'm sure you've got enough replies to be going on with but just wanted to add my twopenith!

I am with you on this NatureRun. No bloody way would I have offered to pay for her dry cleaning with that attitude - it was an accident and I am sure you would have handled it differently if she hadn't gone off on one. The fact that she caused a scene would have annoyed me beyond measure and I probably would have dumped the rest of the yoghurt pruney stuff on her irksome head.
My dog jumped up at a friend I was talking to in the park a while ago - I know it was wrong of doggie and I went to apologise and to make sure no damage had been done to her coat. Before I could do either she erupted into a fit of angry hysteria - telling me I should control my dog and I was going to pay for her coat to be dry cleaned! Which I certainly would have done so but I'm not going to now purely as a result of her reaction. It put my back up and in the end I walked off leaving her to rant alone.

she sounds like a dick

I suppose profuse apology is admitting responsibility?