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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off re shoes on in the house

516 replies

JeVoudrais · 17/04/2016 13:20

Had visitors round this morning. I didn't answer the door as was occupied and came down 15 mins later.

Shoes on. In my carpeted living room. When they left, I asked DP and he said they always keep shoes on when they come. I expect it is because we have dogs. They know perfectly well that we rug doctored not long ago and that the dogs do not go in the living room with wet or dirty feet, though.

Regardless of how hygienic they think my carpet is, would it not be polite to at least ask regarding shoes? We have always removed shoes ASAP in their house because they take theirs off and it is expected of their guests.

I have OCD and am having a meltdown inside currently. AIBU to tell them in no uncertain terms next time that SHOES ARE NOT ALLOWED and ban them from my house if they want to keep them on?

OP posts:
StepintotheLightleave · 18/04/2016 11:21

. But I see this as a new thing, not something that was done in previous generations. No one took their shoes off in the olden days. I find it all very odd

I agree and its without doubt a class thing, trying to seem very clean, posh and better than others...

You may not feel this when you now ask people to take shoes off but its how it started. Its filtered down to become about germs now.

Incredibly large family growing up, lots of varying wealth levels, and lots of friends, only a family with Austrian mother had shoes off rule back then.

Howd1dthathappen · 18/04/2016 11:29

Interesting - i have lived abroad and it is very acceptable to offer someone slippers. I always took shoes off indoors but it was often awkward to get visitors in the UK to do it but having lived abroad I realise that it's my home, my choice - and i'm confident that my house is warm and clean and no one should feel any less comfortable whilst there than my family who also take shoes off. Nowt to do with wealth or I'd have a cleaner to mop up / hoover any mess!

rumpole1 · 18/04/2016 11:56

It is VERY RUDE to ask or expect people to remove their shoes when visiting.
This is a fairly new thing I think
No one in my family ever removed shoes and I would NEVER ask visitors or family to remove their shoes. If they wanted to take their shoes off then that's fine.

If it's a problem and your friends know you have OCD then that's different!. I hope you are having help with this. I do know someone who had help for hers and and it made a hugh difference to her life.

If I was asked to remove my shoes in someone's house then I would take them off
but I wouldn't be happy about it. What do people do when they have smelly feet?..😳

InlandTiger · 18/04/2016 11:58

Adult party? In the lounge, kitchen chatting, then outside for bbq? People walking around with a glass of wine and a canapé, but constantly taking their shoes on and off?

Why is taking shoes on and off such a big inconvenience? It takes about 5seconds. You leave them by the door, pop them on when go outside, slip them off when come in. Unless you are going in and out every few mins why would it be a problem? At all the parties I've been to no-one would dream of treading dirt from the garden onto the lounge carpets! Same for kids parties: shoes in the garden, remove at the door.

And it's not a modern thing either, as a child I always removed shoes when entering someone's house. It's just good manners. My grandma had a padded bench by her front door with a shoe-rack!

Colourgirl · 18/04/2016 12:00

Shoes always off where there's carpet. It's just good manners. Tiles with shoes are fine.

Yseulte · 18/04/2016 12:04

Shoes always off where there's carpet. It's just good manners

No, that's suburban nonsense. It's very bad manners to expect guests to take their shoes off.

The OP's case it's slightly different as she has mental health issues.

InlandTiger · 18/04/2016 12:07

Rumpole, why do you think it's rude to ask guests to take shoes off?
For most of the world it's the norm. IME it's the norm here in Britain too only many are less assertive about it so end up silently seething at those who keep shoes on then booking a carpet-cleaner.

If your host is not wearing shoes and/or there is a basket of guest slippers, would you honestly keep your shoes on??

I wash and apply deodorant to my feet before going to someone's house, and wear fresh socks. So do my friends and family. No need for smelly feet!

treaclesoda · 18/04/2016 12:09

Shoes always off where there's carpet. It's just good manners

The problem with that is that some people think it's extremely bad manners to take your shoes off in someone else's house. Some people view it as very overly familiar, and really overstepping the mark.

Personally I am completely indifferent. Shoes on, shoes off, I don't care.

But just because it's what you and your friends are used to doesn't mean it is universally accepted as bad manners.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 18/04/2016 12:13

I agree and its without doubt a class thing, trying to seem very clean, posh and better than others…

Why? Why be mean about people who do something differently to you?

I was always brought to take off shoes, as were all of my friends. Totally normal to us. Fuck all to do with class or trying to be 'better than others.'

I don't give a ff what other people do, much less try to put someone down about it.

Yseulte · 18/04/2016 12:14

The norm in Britain, you can't be serious.

Do you have OCD too Tiger? Otherwise, 'seething' over guests on your carpet and deodorising your feet is not normal.

If it's that much of an issue then have hard flooring downstairs - far more practical.

And no, I would certainly not use communal slippers.

murphys · 18/04/2016 12:14

I find it very odd to be honest. But then again I don't live in the UK or Europe. When someone enters my house, the last thing I think about it what is on their feet. If I did go somewhere and were told to take my shoes off, I would really have a WTF moment....

It might have to do with the fact that most of our houses are wood or tiled floors, but like in my house, the bedrooms are carpeted. Even so, if the dc friends come around, they wouldn't consider removing shoes just because they are entering a carpeted area.

If someone sits in my lounge, then removes their shoes, I take it as a sign that they feel comfortable enough in my home to do it.

RidersOnTheStorm · 18/04/2016 12:14

I really don't want people to take their shoes off in my house and, fortunately, my friends feel the same way. It's rude.

We have a door mat and our carpets are cleaned regularly why would I impose a shoes off rule and make people feel unwelcome? I don't want to see their feet.

Riding boots or wellies off at the door, obviously, but usually people don't wear them when they come calling.

uhoh1973 · 18/04/2016 12:17

We have wooden floors and new carpets so I do have heartattacks if people start walking around on the carpets. I always ask when I go to someone else's house.

2016Hopeful · 18/04/2016 12:18

YANBU - I don't have OCD and I would expect people to take shoes off to go into a carpeted room. I am fine for people to come into my kitchen or hallway with shoes on but upstairs or in the living room which are carpeted I would expect people to take shoes off. I don't think I have ever asked anyone to take shoes off they just do it as it is common sense.

It is not a class thing, it is a hygiene thing surely?? You can't wash a carpet frequently so it makes sense not to walk on it in shoes that have walked outside where there is dog muck!!!

murphys · 18/04/2016 12:19

I wash and apply deodorant to my feet before going to someone's house, and wear fresh socks. So do my friends and family. No need for smelly feet!

I don't get this. Maybe we just have different ways of thinking in other countries.

Yseulte · 18/04/2016 12:20

I agree and its without doubt a class thing, trying to seem very clean, posh and better than others...

If it's a class thing, which I doubt, it's certainly not in the way you mean - it's a suburbanism from people who don't know how to behave.

Nobody genuinely posh would ask guests to remove shoes, it's extremely bad form.

Catmuffin · 18/04/2016 12:21

Something I've wondered is do people who are shoes on only take their shoes off when they get into bed at night? Don't you want to air your feet and shoes a bit? They might have got sweaty during the day.

Catmuffin · 18/04/2016 12:24

Also if you were wearing high heels at work isn't it more comfy to kick them off at home?

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 18/04/2016 12:28

it's a suburbanism from people who don't know how to behave

You sound delightful.

Nobody genuinely posh would ask guests to remove shoes

Well, I'm sure you'd know...

murphys · 18/04/2016 12:29

Cat, I work from home so when I am in 'work mode' I will be wearing shoes. Later on in the day when I have done all the running around I need to and are settled in for the day, then I will take them off, weather depending, will go barefoot or wear slippers. If I had to take shoes off and put them back on every time I went in and out the house, I would spend half the day doing that. I have my store with stock here so am in and out a lot.

treaclesoda · 18/04/2016 12:33

My washing machine, tumble drier and all sorts of other stuff are in the detached garage. If I could access the garage through the house, I would probably only wear slippers. But since I am in and out loads of times a day, I tend to keep my shoes on because it is almost always wet outside and if I get my slippers wet, I end up with cold wet feet for the rest of my day. I don't have time to untie my trainers and tie them up again over and over again all day, so the shoes stay on and I wipe my feet well at the door each time.

catinthecradle · 18/04/2016 12:34

I hate it when people take their shoes off in my house. It is so unnecessary.

I don't even understand why people put carpet downstairs if they are having daily meltdown about it. Unless you change it every year, and most people don't, carpets are disgusting anyway. See the amount of dust that comes out when you remove them. Get a floor that's easy to clean, so you don't have to waste your time worrying about it.

Yseulte · 18/04/2016 12:34

I would as it goes Manhattan, yes.

Voteforpedr0 · 18/04/2016 12:38

Ysuelte - It's not a class thing you sound a bit stuffy to suggest that, it's a hygiene thing.

YouSay · 18/04/2016 12:39

I would never ask someone or expect them to take off their shoes in my house. If they had mucky riding boots or wellies as another poster said I would hope they would. I would hate to go to a dinner party and have to stand around in my tights or the horror of having to wear slippers provided. No thanks! I couldn't even imagine it.