To be pissed off re shoes on in the house

[JeVoudrais]

Had visitors round this morning. I didn't answer the door as was occupied and came down 15 mins later.

Shoes on. In my carpeted living room. When they left, I asked DP and he said they always keep shoes on when they come. I expect it is because we have dogs. They know perfectly well that we rug doctored not long ago and that the dogs do not go in the living room with wet or dirty feet, though.

Regardless of how hygienic they think my carpet is, would it not be polite to at least ask regarding shoes? We have always removed shoes ASAP in their house because they take theirs off and it is expected of their guests.

I have OCD and am having a meltdown inside currently. AIBU to tell them in no uncertain terms next time that SHOES ARE NOT ALLOWED and ban them from my house if they want to keep them on?

Doormats remove mud but not bacteria. Why would you walk on dirty pavements (where animals wee and poo, people spit, pigeons get squashed etc) and then smear the germs all over your house? It's like rubbing your hands around the toilet bowl, wiping them on a tea-towel then touching all your furniture.

Even if you don't sit on your floors or have children who play on them, why not keep them hygenic? I don't understand the mentality that floors should be as dirty/germy as the pavement outside. They are part of your home

What if you drop something on a floor where people wear shoes?

Is it laziness that prevents people changing footwear at the front door? I genuinely don't understand why you wouldn't take such a simple, easy step to keep your floors clean.

Most other countries remove shoes at the door. It's very disrespectful not to do this.

I sit on the floor a lot. DS plays on the floor and often drops his toys. We have delicate silk carpets that aren't designed for outdoor shoes.

And yes, at parties everyone removes their shoes (not that they are glamorous parties just big gatherings of friends). Some wear slippers, some go around in socks, barefoot, tights, a few bring soft slip-on shoes for indoor use. If someone refused to go shoe-less I wouldn't let them past the cloakroom/hall because it says they don't respect my home, furniture, cultural background or house-rules.

If you have manky feet, wear socks or slippers (or bring your own indoor footwear). If I go to someone's house I always make sure I have clean deodorised feet and matching socks. If I plan to go barefoot I make sure toenails are painted and manicured.

It's not unwelcoming at all to ask guests to remove shoes, really you shouldn't have to ask. In most parts of the world everyone does it automatically so nobody has to ask and there is no awkwardness!

To request shoes off tells me you care more about your no doubt cream carpets than your guests comfort. You're happy to make a guest sit there with cold feet.

Inland, we've always been shoes on and we're never ill, so I don't get this hysteria about bacteria. most people I know have a mat at their front door.

I think you need help for your OCD. It is completely irrational.
Germs on carpets cannot make you ill unless you have someone throw up then you eat off of the floor.

In fact, as I'm sure you know, we need exposure to germs to keep our immune systems strong. "Germs" help keep our intestines working effectively etc.

Please get help.

As an aside I wonder if the parents deliberately wore their shoes to annoy you, not taking your ocd seriously.

I do. My brother. I walked into his house with clean brand new shoes on. Had every intention of taking them off in the hallway. He barked "shoes" at me before I'd even got to a suitable place to take them off. Really stupid because he'd insisted we went through the back door and I wasn't taking my shoes off on the dirty and I mean dirty kitchen floor. He has no social skills.
I have no problem being asked to take my shoes off, most people are able to do it in a polite way. I always ask people if they want me to take my shoes off. Everyone's different.

Every house i visit and mine is no shoes. Never seen a house where you can wear shoes.

Laurie, no they're not cream But they're delicate and not designed for outdoor shoes. We treat them the way we would treat a beautiful rug.

Why cold feet if you wear socks or slippers? If you don't want to wear guest slippers bring your own. I have a pair of leather slip-ons that I sometimes carry in my bag when visiting (the sort that scrunch up small to switch with heels on a night out) I only wear them indoors so they stay clean.

For many households not removing shoes is the height of bad manners. Yes you should care about your host's carpets and floors, cream or otherwise! I have wooden floor in my kitchen but still don't want outdoor shoes in there. It's a home not a grubby pavement!

I'm very much a shoes off person. The problem is though, my downstairs is all tiles and wood and very cold so I actually bite my tounge when someone is rude enough to want shoes on.

I feel it's very unwelcoming to say shoes off - but I always offer now. However this has only been since having dcs. I remember being very surprised the first time I was asked.

I'm Greek & it's a definite no no to take off your shoes when visiting & the height of rudeness to ask - at least with my family! My parents always have a stream of visitors & no one ever takes their shoes off.

I would take my shoes off if someone asked me to , unless I am working then I explain why not. Wouldn't be happy with plastic overshoes in that situation either, they tend to be slippy.

I do feel embarrassed to be asked though, like I've made some enormous faux pas, equally I'm embarrassed if an adult takes their shoes off automatically in my house, I worry my floors aren't clean enough.

Believe, 'germs on carpets' can make you ill, in the same way that germs on pavements can make you ill Would you let a baby crawl on a pavement or lick leaves in a gutter? If baby dropped a toy in the road wouldn't you wash it?
Anywhere that animals defecate and people walk/spit/wee/vomit will be teeming with harmful bacteria, from EColi to toxoplasmosis to Hepatitis. Why take the risk of transferring it to your carpets when it's so easy to slip shoes off at the door?

I've only been in a handful of houses where people didn't remove shoes. I still removed mine automatically.

If there's a basket of guest slippers and a chair by the front door, keeping your shoes on is a massive social mistake.

I think we need a Venn diagram with details of folk who are shoes on/shoes off and folk that love/hate toilet brushes. I wonder if there is a correlation.

Most of the people I know have hard floors downstairs and a "no shoes upstairs" rule. So it's not an issue for casual guests and most workmen, the ones who do go upstairs normally ask if they need to take shoes off but as it happens I'm not that fussed - we do but I don't require it of guests.

IME children going upstairs to play in each other's bedroom all automatically leave their shoes at the bottom of the stairs - they must have been trained to do that by their parents, and I'm very pleased about that because they tend to have muddy trainers and they may well be climbing over beds and indeed making duvet igloos or whatever. I'm relaxed about shoes in the house but I draw the line at shoes in bed.

On the OP's issue - it depends on the size of the dog. Huge lolloping long clawed monsters tend to make me nervous when I'm barefoot or bare legged.

YANBU.

Most of my friends do take theirs off but there's a few that don't and I feel a bit awkward to ask.

One of them had her feet on the sofa with her shoes on the other week

I wear shoes in our house. I always offer to take mine off when I visit others. But I see this as a new thing, not something that was done in previous generations. No one took their shoes off in the olden days. I find it all very odd.

Well, this thread just proves that no matter what you do you will offend someone.

Most people on the thread are saying its the height of bad manners to not take your shoes off and they're annoyed when people don't offer. But on the other hand, when I've tried to take my shoes off in my real life situations, it hasn't gone down well at all and has clearly been perceived as very rude. You will never get it right 100% of the time.

I wouldn't expect people with animals running around their house to be concerned with whether I have shoes on or not (unless they're wet).

We have a 'no shoes on the dining table' rule, but apart from that...anything goes! :)

Do you all really think it is wearing shoes indoors that makes your houses dirty? Where is all that bacteria and vile components? What is the metabolic number for all this? What do you do when you have a party? Children's party? Kids in, out, shake it all about, in garden playing, on trampoline and then indoors. Adult party? In the lounge, kitchen chatting, then outside for bbq? People walking around with a glass of wine and a canapé, but constantly taking their shoes on and off?

REALLY?

Don't care how clean you are, your dog hairs will inevitably end up in their socks which is really uncomfortable and a bit gross. I'm a shoes off person but make the exception at my in-laws, who have two dogs and despite being the cleanest people I know, still have dog hair. I got sick of chucking away socks after visiting and began to keep shoes on.

Norks !

Unless you really do have an irrational phobia then I agree with Obs, it's just so weird to have people take their shoes on and off all the time, I think most adults can be relied on not to walk a load of mud or poo into someones house - children different kettle of fish.

Do people really believe that they will get ill if someone walks on their carpet with shoes that they walked down the drive in? It's just bonkers and so daft. I'd be upset if someone tried to take their shoes off, I don't want them sitting around in socks. I absolutely hate it (and I only know of one person who asks you to remove shoes) I feel naked in her house, it's just not right.

I take my shoes off when not asked out of respect as always been this way and 95% of people i know would expect it, 5% insist i keep my shoes on and so i do as it their house.
We are shoes off house and if someone comes in and sees all the shoes in the hallway and our feet and slippers and kept their shoes on then they would not be invited again as that shows a disrepect for the person and their house.
It germy and gross and i often people watch and watch people stroll through dog poo and spit and then they want to walk that in my house, not a chance.
Children actually dodge more than some adults who are busy talking to each other or on their phones.
If i have less friends or visitors then so be it as i need to be comfy in my own home and if they couldnt respect my choices then we are not suited as friends anyway.

Shoes off at my place! They are for outdoors and not indoors. Slippers for inside thanks and visitors do take shoes off when they know your house rules - you need to be clear about expectations.

Agree totally with Flirty - come round whenever you fancy!!! I've got spare slippers!

I usually take my shoes off in someone else's house unless I see that they are wearing their shoes indoors. I would prefer my guests did if they're going upstairs (we have laminate floor downstairs so shoes are welcome downstairs) but I don't ask them to. My dad is always going upstairs here in his shoes. I also wouldn't expect people to sit around with freezing feet so would provide some guest slippers if it was really important to me to have a shoe-free house.