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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off re shoes on in the house

516 replies

JeVoudrais · 17/04/2016 13:20

Had visitors round this morning. I didn't answer the door as was occupied and came down 15 mins later.

Shoes on. In my carpeted living room. When they left, I asked DP and he said they always keep shoes on when they come. I expect it is because we have dogs. They know perfectly well that we rug doctored not long ago and that the dogs do not go in the living room with wet or dirty feet, though.

Regardless of how hygienic they think my carpet is, would it not be polite to at least ask regarding shoes? We have always removed shoes ASAP in their house because they take theirs off and it is expected of their guests.

I have OCD and am having a meltdown inside currently. AIBU to tell them in no uncertain terms next time that SHOES ARE NOT ALLOWED and ban them from my house if they want to keep them on?

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 19/04/2016 18:33

It is a class thing, and yes it does come from people getting a little bit of money and trying to prove that they are better than their neighbours.

70 years ago when my grandparents got married, the idea of not wearing shoes in the house was ludicrous. Either you were working class and had cold floors, no central heating and draughts under the doors with no carpets, or you were upper class with cold floors, no central heating (well not enough to make a difference) and draughts coming under the doors. Both houses had rooms that were lived in, with people coming in and out all day. Sure the big houses had drawing rooms etc, but shoes were still worn.

Then the middle classes decided that they would spend their money on wall to wall shagpile carpets that were so expensive (relative to income they cost much more than they do now) that the "shoes off" thing started. It marked them out as "better" than their working class neighbours and they thought that it put them closer to the upper classes. Of course it didnt, it just meant that they were looked on as faintly ridiculous by the uppers, and up their own arses by the workers.

That has stuck around amongst the middles and the idea of germs being a huge concern (which in reality it really isnt) was leapt upon as the perfect excuse to keep it up.

Bogeyface · 19/04/2016 18:36

They wouldn't dream of ordering anyone to take off their shoes, but they choose to themselves.

But dont you see, thats the difference? The issue isnt "shoes on or off?" in ones own home, its whether is acceptable to insist other people to take theirs off (or indeed leave them on!) and imo it isnt acceptable, its the height of rudeness. Your parents to realise that, but you dont seem to.

starfishmummy · 19/04/2016 18:43

I prefer to keep my shoes on in someone else's house. Laminate can be slippy, sanded floorboards can have nails and splinters, carpets can hide that lego brick! That said I would go along with it, but I probably would not be back.
Their choice and my choice. We can meet somewhere else

MissHemsworth · 19/04/2016 18:44

There was a study done recently & it found that most people have traces of faeces on their shoes. So people who keep their shoes on are essentially treading that round the house Confused Saying that I would never ask someone to take their shoes off but would definitely prefer it if they did! I inwardly cringe after I've steamed when people come over & don't remove their shoes! IDK why someone would expect people to take shoes off at their house but they don't reciprocate?!

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 19/04/2016 18:47

Your parents to realise that, but you dont seem to

I beg your pardon? Where on earth have I ever said that I tell people to take their shoes off?

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 19/04/2016 18:49

In fact Bogeyface I have said precisely the opposite throughout.

Another example of someone tripping over themselves to point score.

Bogeyface · 19/04/2016 18:52

My apologies, I only read your most recent post that seemed to indicate you were on the militant shoes off side Flowers

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 19/04/2016 18:56

No worries, thanks Bogeyface

Flumpsnlumpsnstuff · 19/04/2016 18:59

Sorry but my 92 yr old MIL has a shoes off rule, she's northern working class and says as soon as she could afford carpet in her house she and everyone who had carpets would ask people to take off shoes as cleaning the carpets with the brush wasn't very effective so it was easier to not get it dirty. My FIL had to come in via the kitchen (hard floor) and wash before he was allowed in the nice bit of the house same as plastic on the new furniture wasn't about being posh it was about keeping it nice. Then in later years it became a posh thing Hmm

tangerino · 19/04/2016 19:05

I couldn't care less what other people do- happy to take my shoes off if asked and I'll generally offer if it seems that sort of house.

In my house, however, I'm 99% shoes on, especially downstairs. I feel really sloppy if I have people round and I don't have shoes on, as if I was entertaining in my PJs or something.

Couldn't care less about microscopic amounts of shit on shoes. I suspect all our houses are covered in such things, whether we take our shoes off or not. Plus with 2 cats and a dog we have plenty already Grin

Mabell · 19/04/2016 19:05

Try a sign in the hallway some thing simple sometimes a little reminder is all it takes x

TeaandCake8 · 19/04/2016 19:09

I don't like shoes on in my house, but some people are really put out when you ask them to remove shoes but with a crawling baby I think it's very fair bit to have germs walked into house (also they blimin scuff painted stairs that peep seem to disregard) I think your in your rights to b bit annoyed they treat your house diff to there's

HormonalHeap · 19/04/2016 19:11

I think it very much depends on the weather mad as that sounds. We've just moved in to what was a show house with cream carpet. If it's pissing down outside I don't think I'd be normal not to ask them to remove their shoes.

Ifiwasabadger · 19/04/2016 19:26

YANBU

Stormsurfer · 19/04/2016 19:33

Just to add my tuppance... I think anyone who does not greet guests until 15 minutes after they have arrived cannot then be upset they have their shoes on. Why did you not welcome them and at that moment ask politely to remove their shoes?

LilyTP · 19/04/2016 19:36

Today I learned that people take their shoes on/off preference VERY seriously.

catinthecradle · 19/04/2016 19:45

I am curious how people with pristine white carpets manage in real life. I am not trying to be sarcastic, I am puzzled how you keep them clean. My floors had to suffer everything from red wine, fruit juice, baby sick, nose bleed, mud, wet dogs. Nothing was intentional or pleasant, but a quick wipe and a bit of bleach if needed, it takes a minute to clean them. How do you manage with carpets?

HidingUnderARock · 19/04/2016 19:55

Stormsurfer Why did you not welcome them and at that moment ask politely to remove their shoes?
I think maybe you only read the top post? She was busy upstairs and :

Because it was her inlaws and their son was there to greet them.
Because she has asked them before and so thought they would know.
Because its the same rule as in their house and so thought they would remember/respect that rule.
Because really she shouldn't have to run downstairs every time her DP lets his parents in, just to police 3 adults into doing what they already know they should.

Jinxxx · 19/04/2016 20:08

I have babies crawling, but I still think it would be illogical (and rude) to ask visitors to take their relatively clean shoes off indoors when I know I would happily let those same babies crawl about on the grass in the garden or park or on the sand on the beach. There is a limit to the number of risks you can get uptight about.

Stormsurfer · 19/04/2016 20:18

Yes, sorry I didn't read all those reasons.. I take what I said back...

Awalkinthepark1 · 19/04/2016 20:20

Stargirl. 'It's common courtesy to take your shoes off'. No it is NOT. Do you live in one of those nice Barrett houses?. I just have this mental picture.🙀

Natsku · 19/04/2016 20:22

Its common courtesy in some places and not in others. If you go somewhere where you aren't sure then I guess it would be common courtesy to ask your host.

Natsku · 19/04/2016 20:24

I mean, I expect shoes on people would take their shoes off in a Japanese house, right? Would it be more rude of a Japanese host to ask you to remove them or you to keep them on?

Also how often do people vacuum/mop their floors? I'd feel like I'd have to vacuum and mop daily if we wore our shoes inside and that's just far too much effort.

igglepiggleisanarsehole · 19/04/2016 20:38

I have OCD too, particularly fear germs and contamination as well so in a way I know how you're feeling. To me, it's not irrational, but to the majority of people who do not suffer from OCD it is irrational.

CarrieLouise25 · 19/04/2016 22:23

"Your shoes pick up sneaky bacteria which are then spread about your home when you wear shoes inside. A study from the University of Arizona collected germs and microbes on footwear. The researchers found 421,000 units of bacteria on the outside of the shoe, including E. coli, meningitis and diarrheal disease; Klebsiella pneumonia, a common source for wound and bloodstream infections as well as pneumonia; and Serratia ficaria, a rare cause of infections in the respiratory tract and wounds"

Hardly 'clean' shoes...