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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be pissed off re shoes on in the house

516 replies

JeVoudrais · 17/04/2016 13:20

Had visitors round this morning. I didn't answer the door as was occupied and came down 15 mins later.

Shoes on. In my carpeted living room. When they left, I asked DP and he said they always keep shoes on when they come. I expect it is because we have dogs. They know perfectly well that we rug doctored not long ago and that the dogs do not go in the living room with wet or dirty feet, though.

Regardless of how hygienic they think my carpet is, would it not be polite to at least ask regarding shoes? We have always removed shoes ASAP in their house because they take theirs off and it is expected of their guests.

I have OCD and am having a meltdown inside currently. AIBU to tell them in no uncertain terms next time that SHOES ARE NOT ALLOWED and ban them from my house if they want to keep them on?

OP posts:

Shepherdessy · 19/04/2016 15:11

Inlandtiger I know MY feet are fine, and I hadn't even thought of it before LaConnerie mentioned it, but yes shoes kept on might be better than SOME people padding around in their bare feet. Let's not forget we're talking about the floor here, not kitchen surfaces. I apply scrupulous hygiene rules in my kitchen, but folk are welcome to keep their reasonably clean shoes on, kids, dogs etc. are welcome and I vacuum every couple of days or as & when required. Oh and by the way "if you think you're shoes are clean should be "your shoes" :-p

justalittlelemondrizzle · 19/04/2016 15:28

I don't allow shoes upstairs but downstairs is fine as we have wood floor throughout. I would always take them off where there are carpets as shoes are filthy! Although if a guest didn't take them off I wouldn't make a fuss. It's not the end of the world.

HidingUnderARock · 19/04/2016 15:32

OMG what are toe bogies?!
I don't think I even want to know :x

Mia1415 · 19/04/2016 15:33

I think I only know of one friend who insists you take your shoes off. Oh and an ex boyfriend (one of the reasons he is ex! couldn't be doing with that if we had ended up together!)

Stargirl82 · 19/04/2016 15:33

Pm me if you want, i suffer from severe ocd. And if these people are your family they should help by sticking to the rules of your house!

Stargirl82 · 19/04/2016 15:34

I take my shoes off wherever I go, it's common courtesy. If it's a family I know that doesn't wear shoes in the house I automatically take them off!

GraysAnalogy · 19/04/2016 15:36

No shoe rules get my goat and I will actively avoid going to peoples homes if this is a rule. No I don't want to wear your bloody guest slippers, I don't want to have to carry a spare pair of socks to put on, and I feel quite vulnerable without shoes. And personally if I'm going to a dinner party I feel like a twat being all dressed up with no shoes on

Xocaraic · 19/04/2016 15:38

I know of only one couple who ask for shoe removal. People can feel a little naked without shoes (and speaking as a short person I hate removing mine) . I also think it's quite a new thing given recent fashion for pale carpets and bright tiles. I get the whole request if you have been out hacking (horse) or on the farm working or have a small mud covered child...but as a general rule I can't really understand it. Could you imagine being asked to tea at the palace and being asked to remove your shoes? However, I think if you see a pile of shoes in the hall you should at least offer to remove yours too as a mark of respect to your host.

TapasGirl · 19/04/2016 15:42

And personally if I'm going to a dinner party I feel like a twat being all dressed up with no shoes on

Seas · 19/04/2016 15:47

I personally wouldn't take my shoes off when I went into someone's house unless they were muddy.

treaclesoda · 19/04/2016 15:48

Stargirl it's not common courtesy if you are in someone's house who thinks it very rude for a visitor to take their shoes off.

I don't know why I am so invested in this thread since I care not one jot if people take their shoes off in my house, but for some reason it's driving me nuts reading all these blanket statements about it being courtesy and basic manners.

It's courtesy to take them off if the person prefers them off. But it's the complete opposite of courtesy if you insist on taking them off when the person whose house it is prefers people to keep shoes on.

Ragwort · 19/04/2016 15:50

I don't think I know anyone who insists on the 'shoes off' rule - obviously if you have been out hiking or it is particularly wet etc then fair enough but like many others I would hate to have to remove my shoes when I go in someone's house.

Personally I think dogs, cats etc are revolting in peoples' homes (esp. cats walking on kitchen surfaces - yuk) but I try to politely hide my discomfort when visiting friends who have pets.

Esspee · 19/04/2016 15:51

I cannot understand how you can be so worried about contamination from shopping bags that have been in shopping trolleys yet have dogs inside your home. Unless you give them a bath as soon as they come in from their "walks" (euphemism for peeing and crapping) they will be sitting/lying on your floors and possibly on your chairs and even your beds with all their unwashed bits spreading germs. I take my shoes off as a matter of courtesy except when there are dogs in the home and I hate sitting on furniture that dogs and cats may have been on. Not that I dislike animals. I would feel the same if my friends were in the habit of sitting around on their furniture bare arsed.

Cath40t · 19/04/2016 15:58

We have wooden floors and our landlady is very precious about them. We have to ask guest to make sure they give their feet a really good wipe so they don't trail in any tiny stones from outside. House is surrounded by a tiny tiny gravel/dust. Usually they just take their shoes off. It's embarrassing to ask though.
We have crocs, indoor, outdoor and garden. Slippers don't give your feet any support. Bare feet would be best if I could stand it. My feet hurt after a while.....wimp.
When we go to other people's houses we follow their cue. Sometimes I take my indoor crocs with me.......I like my comfort.
If they have light coloured carpets, shoes off regardless. I will not be that person who drags in a bit mud on that!

CarrieLouise25 · 19/04/2016 16:01

Whenever I go round to someone's house, the first thing I ask is 'would you like me to take off my shoes?'. It's either a yes, or no.

Generally I have matching socks, so I don't mind

It's a no shoes rule in our house. We don't much like the dirt/spit/anything else brought in from the pavements/roads.

Just after having our baby, we had daily visits from midwives. And because I had medical issues, we had a LOT of midwives and lots of visits. Every single one of them, bar one lady, took of their shoes without being asked to.

The one who didn't, also thought it was fine to put our new baby straight down on the carpet (where she had walked with her shoes) and not on the mat we had provided. She was also the only one not to wash her hands. So obviously wasn't concerned about dirt...

Interesting article on reasons why not to wear indoors: www.treehugger.com/green-home/6-reasons-remove-your-shoes-inside.html

But, each person should respect each others rules. Your house, your rules, whichever side of the fence you're on

dansmum · 19/04/2016 16:05

Early on in our marriage we came to an agreement. If I had a beef with my inlaws..hubby would deal with it. If he had a point to make to my folks..I would deal with it..so there would be no falling out, and we would always be a united team. It seems to me that your dh can help here. He can remind your inlaws about your ocd and your footware issues..and possibly ask ( if they are elderly) if they would need a chair or shoehorn provided as it really distresses you when people dont take off their shoes.
From your in laws perspective ( and mine) we come from a long line of shoes on as living in old cold houses and no central heating so keeping shoes on was a must /important !
If it is important to you, its important to him to sort it out and your in laws will deal with it better coming from him.I doubt they have done it 'deliberately'..it just doesnt occur to them to remove them.

Snowflakes1122 · 19/04/2016 16:05

You are being totally unreasonable. These are your guests!

sykadelic · 19/04/2016 16:09

We are a "shoes off" household. If I'm about to clean the carpet anyway I won't insist on it, most people ask. Otherwise I'll ask them, or they'll enter through the back door. When the carpet is replaced with wood (hopefully this summer) I doubt I'll care as much because its much easier to mop once people have left than clean the carpet after every visitor.

The comments about dogs: we have dogs and our dogs feet are cleaned each time they come back inside (they are inside dogs) so the rationale there isn't rational at all, my dogs feet are cleaner than your shoes.

The "knarled toes", "cold feet" etc: Most people wear socks with shoes, and if you don't the feet are usually fine because they're in sandals or something.

I don't understand how its unwelcoming, but that's probably because its the norm for everyone I know. I'll always take my shoes off, I always have clean socks on etc etc. I always offer and take them off anyway because it's the polite thing to do.

LittleBears · 19/04/2016 16:09

We live in a rural area and it's very much live and let live/use your judgement. I have seen people take their wellies off to come into the pub (I would) and others march right in and sit at the bar, wellies and all! In our house, the dog and cats come in and walk about, so no use being too precious but generally once carpet/bedrooms are reached shoes are off. I find the idea of communal slippers very curious, what if previous incumbent had a verrucca???

shovetheholly · 19/04/2016 16:10

If taking my shoes off makes my hosts happy and saves them work, I'm fine with it. I'm not vain enough to find it a massive hardship to walk around in my socks, and I am a bit FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS about anyone who does!

If someone finds taking shoes off offensive, I am equally happy to keep them on.

It's the host's home, and I want them to feel comfortable and that whatever rules they have are being respected.

Hullygully · 19/04/2016 16:12

It's a class thing

sykadelic · 19/04/2016 16:12

By the way OP, YANBU

It would appear many people aren't reading the part where the in-laws insist on it when at their house but don't extend the same courtesy to your house, despite knowing of your problems with germs and contamination. I too couldn't help but feel they're saying your house isn't as clean/precious as theirs.

Have you considered a sign at the door? "Shoes must be removed at the door" or "For medical reasons, shoes must be removed at the door" if you'd like more of an explanation. You could offer those little shoe cover things for those that don't want to / are unable.

ladybird8131 · 19/04/2016 16:13

I can relate to the OP. I grew up abroad in a house with tiled floors, in a shoes-on environment but now I could never go back to doing that. To me it's shoes off the moment you step into the house, unless you have tiled floors that are easy to clean. We just moved into a house with carpet everywhere except for the kitchen where it is wooden flooring. It makes me weep. I hate hate hate the carpet, so difficult to keep clean. Now the rule is slippers downstairs and socks or bare feet upstairs. It pains me when I know we are going to have visitors because I feel bad asking them to take their shoes off, I am grateful when they do without me having to ask. For builders/tradesmen I have acquired overshoes (though if they come in and out they don't always put them back on then 'clean' side!). It's difficult, so I understand your frustration, especially as they are your in-laws. I find it interesting though that you say you have OCD and still have dogs in the house? I never understood why people with dogs expect me to take their shoes off but it's ok for their dogs to walk in and out of the house. Do you clean their paws before they are allowed back into the house? Why are dogs' feet cleaner than my shoes? To me no shoes and no dogs, unless I have a floor that can be mopped more than once a year....

WhySmythie · 19/04/2016 16:19

We're a shoes on house.

I only have one friend who insists people remove shoes. Her house is cold so I used to take thick socks to wear.

Her front door opens into the living room, one time when I went over she made a fuss when I sat down on the sofa, which is right next to the front door, to put on my boots, which had spent the whole evening all of 20cm away, next to the sofa/front door.

MadameDePompom · 19/04/2016 16:26

'we have dogs and our dogs feet are cleaned each time they come back inside'

What exactly is involved in your paw purification procedure?

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