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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off re shoes on in the house

516 replies

JeVoudrais · 17/04/2016 13:20

Had visitors round this morning. I didn't answer the door as was occupied and came down 15 mins later.

Shoes on. In my carpeted living room. When they left, I asked DP and he said they always keep shoes on when they come. I expect it is because we have dogs. They know perfectly well that we rug doctored not long ago and that the dogs do not go in the living room with wet or dirty feet, though.

Regardless of how hygienic they think my carpet is, would it not be polite to at least ask regarding shoes? We have always removed shoes ASAP in their house because they take theirs off and it is expected of their guests.

I have OCD and am having a meltdown inside currently. AIBU to tell them in no uncertain terms next time that SHOES ARE NOT ALLOWED and ban them from my house if they want to keep them on?

OP posts:
liz70 · 18/04/2016 18:09

I have had electricians, meter readers, plumbers, appliance repair men, CH service men etc. in my house, and not once have any of them taken off their shoes or boots, and nor would I want them to. I just mop the floors and hoover the stair carpet regularly.

Janecc · 18/04/2016 18:11

riders schwabish is in Germany. You get shouted at if you cross the road on a red man there, they have entrenched social rules - assuming she's living in Schwabenland.

KittyKrap · 18/04/2016 18:13

If you are throwing a dinner party and have say 15 guests do you make them take off their shoes? Does everyone sit/stand around in their socks/bare feet/tights?*

I'm a shoes off but only as a comfort thing but we did have a large party last year with about 30 people. Didn't bother me in the slightest whether they took them off or not. Some did, most didn't. Like my MiL says, she wants people to be comfy in her home like one of the family. It's not a diet thing for me.

InlandTiger · 18/04/2016 18:29

Riders, I'm a HCP and when I do home visits I usually take my shoes off. Obviously not if the house looks dirty or unsafe or if the family are all wearing shoes, but if it looks clean I say 'should I leave my shoes here?' and the majority of patients say yes. Middle Eastern families in particular expect you to leave shoes at the door and usually offer slippers. You need to be sensitive to cultural differences and most HCP are. In many cultures, wearing shoes indoors is deeply offensive and disrespectful. In many countries all professionals remove their shoes before entering a home, including doctors, lawyers, mobile beauticians, delivery people etc.

Also, my HV (here in UK) has always removed her shoes without being asked. If a doctor or policeman visited, yes I would offer them slippers. I can't force them to remove shoes but why wouldn't they? It's about respecting someone's home. Any tradesmen and cleaners I've had have always worn shoe-covers and that's fine.

Catmuffin · 18/04/2016 18:35

Great post at 17.10 Shwab

We did once have a policeman and woman turn up. I was too busy thinking "What are the police doing in our house?" to think about shoes. Grin

InlandTiger · 18/04/2016 18:35

As to the dinner-party question: yes all 15 of us would take our shoes off and leave them in the cloakroom with the coats. Some would wear slippers or indoor shoes, most just socks.
This is the norm at most of our friends parties too, shoes are automatically left in the hall. Women sometimes bring party shoes to wear indoors but they put them on inside.
Can you imagine 15 people tramping dirt and bacteria into the carpets? Urgh Shock

corythatwas · 18/04/2016 18:40

Ime shoes on used to be the norm in British houses (unlike Scandinavia where I grew up) and no-shoes-in-houses is a very recent development, which does not cover all households.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 18/04/2016 18:40

InlandTiger

I just mentioned this thread to a friend. He visits people in their homes all the time as part of his work (donations officer for a large charity). He said that he always offers to take off his shoes and said that in his experience most (obv not all) people prefer it.

He did say that he had never been 'told' to take this shoes off, ever, but I guess if he's always offering it isn't really necessary Grin

Awalkinthepark1 · 18/04/2016 19:00

Guest slippers! Would certainly never go to that person's house again. Just very surprised that they actually throw parties in their precious house.😳

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 18/04/2016 19:14

Guest slippers! Would certainly never go to that person's house again

I've never been offered a guest slipper in my life, but wouldn't particularly care if I was. Would this actually be a deal breaker for you? Why?

If someone does something that you don't do yourself, is it really that bad? Why would you react so strongly abut it?

Lifeisontheup2 · 18/04/2016 19:29

I wouldn't take my work boots off in anyone's house, in fact we're told we mustn't as they're part of our PPE. No one has ever asked me to.

YouSay · 18/04/2016 19:47

Gosh I couldn't imagine a dinner party like that. We have hard wood floors on the ground floor but even if we didn't it wouldn't bother me but then again I don't spend much time on the floor!

Awalkinthepark1 · 18/04/2016 20:15

Manhattan, because it's rude, rude rude.!. I have NEVER asked anyone to remove their shoes and would NOT expect anyone who came into my home to do so. The only exception would be a tradesman, say a builder or someone doing dirty work.
I just don't know any of these people who are so house proud. How boring!!.

I recently had some men from John Lewis come to measure up for some new curtains. They wore little blue plastic bags over their shoes, sweet. 🤔

WalkingBlind · 18/04/2016 20:25

I have laminate all over downstairs and carpet from the stairs up. There's a sign at the bottom of my stairs that says "shoes off please" (not a big red shouts sign, just a nice scripted wooden one you hang keys off). I only expect them to be off on the carpets because they're whiter than I thought and harder to clean than I thought lol!

However I wouldn't be mad at someone for forgetting/not noticing and never expect workmen, etc to do it. The sign is mainly for DP and DD who trudge around all the time after taking the dog out Confused

Notso · 18/04/2016 20:41

Pro-shoes off people always mention bacteria or germs but surely feet also have bacteria and germs on them without shoes.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 18/04/2016 20:42

Awalk You sound really angry about it. Seriously, what is rude about it? As a poster said upthread, does rude mean 'I don't do it'?

I'm genuinely baffled as to why anyone would react so strongly about something so insignificant, if I'm honest.

Fruu · 18/04/2016 21:08

I would and have asked professionals to take their shoes off, not just guests. The health visitor I had actually did it without me asking!

In the unlikely event that the queen popped round, I'd ask her but very politely. ;) I'm sure she's complied with plenty of customs that seem much weirder when on diplomatic visits and has probably been to countries that do shoes-off as standard.

I wouldn't ask professionals who were around my house for an emergency to do it - this has so far only applied to an ambulance crew and the plumber because he invariably floods the kitchen and I have to clean it afterwards anyway!

dulcefarniente · 18/04/2016 21:20

If you are shoes off do you always wear shoes in the garden - even in hot weather? There's going to be dirt & germs there too.

Lillipuddlian · 18/04/2016 21:38

Interesting! I am Canadian. Apparently, the Canadians and Japanese are the only cultures that have an absolute no shoe culture. My father is European, my inlaws are British and when they visit, they wear their shoes in the house. This, to me, is akin to sitting with a bare bum on the kitchen table! It's horrific! It is simply not done in Canada... so, yeah... I am the wrong person to ask. Come to Canada! We need people like you! Good luck!!

Lillipuddlian · 18/04/2016 21:40

(even the plumbers and service men take their shoes off in Canada). Or they have special slippers or baggies. We really never wear shoes inside!

Natsku · 18/04/2016 22:10

I've never had a doctor visit my home and the one time I had police at my house they stayed in the hallway so shoes weren't an issue (but I would not expect police to take shoes off as they have to be able to leave a house very quickly). My social workers always take off their shoes when they arrive, I never have to ask.

Bogeyface · 18/04/2016 22:42

I am allergic to dogs and would keep my shoes on in your house otherwise I would have to dose up on anti allergen medicine for days.

Its not always a case of being selfish or disgusting or whatever.

However I am in the camp that thinks it is the height of rudeness to demand people remove their shoes. Definitely Non U!

Bemba · 19/04/2016 06:58

I would not let them in again . It's completely disrespectful

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 19/04/2016 07:33

Really strange. Everyone I know expects shoes off and would find it highly offensive to leave them on. Although in houses with a lot of hard floor I don't think it's an issue unless muddy, but even in those houses they expect shoes off which I think is rather annoying as then have cold feet.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 19/04/2016 08:20

Nobody demands that other people take their shoes off - the whole thing is usually unspoken, just the same as not smoking in somebody else's house - if you smoke you don't light up indoors unless your hosts do, even if you smoke inside your own home, anyone who has to have that spelled out is an arse. You also don't wheel your bicycle into someone else's hallway (unless your host says better had as we are in a crime hotspot) even if you keep it in your hallway at home.

The OP has an illness which makes it so important to her that people follow her rules that she has to ask in order to cope, but in households where it is normal to take shoes off for non mental health reasons nobody is demanding anything. The rude thing is to fail to follow the basic "when in Rome" rule and pick up on the accepted behaviour in whichever house you visit - not to do that without good reason (safety/ health/ emergencies being the only valid reasons) just because you are standing on your dignity and believe that your way is right, is astoundingly self centred and ignorant.

The OP's PIL are being doubly self centred and ignorant as they have a shoes off house but fail to follow the same code in the OP's house where the same expect ions exist unless there is something the op isn't telling us about dog allergies or dog hair everywhere...