To be pissed off re shoes on in the house

[JeVoudrais]

Had visitors round this morning. I didn't answer the door as was occupied and came down 15 mins later.

Shoes on. In my carpeted living room. When they left, I asked DP and he said they always keep shoes on when they come. I expect it is because we have dogs. They know perfectly well that we rug doctored not long ago and that the dogs do not go in the living room with wet or dirty feet, though.

Regardless of how hygienic they think my carpet is, would it not be polite to at least ask regarding shoes? We have always removed shoes ASAP in their house because they take theirs off and it is expected of their guests.

I have OCD and am having a meltdown inside currently. AIBU to tell them in no uncertain terms next time that SHOES ARE NOT ALLOWED and ban them from my house if they want to keep them on?

Chippy? Quite the opposite.

The irony was that you said that 'It's quite funny to see how passionate people are about 'their' way of doing things though' while being erm 'passionate' about your way of doing things.

You were one who initiated talk of 'big ole piles' and 'posh' houses - presenting your idea of 'posh' life in a kind of weird online grandstanding.

It means nothing to me, it's something I would play down rather than up. But if you're going to lay the law down inaccurately then I'm going to say that's not strictly true.

That's from Yseulte btw I'm currently on my sister's ipad.

Twinklestein? Yseulte? Ah. Sister's iPad.

Lets not engage with each other further. We are clearly very different people and have extremely different approaches to contributing on forums like this.

I'm stepping politely away.

Right ho.

When shoesoners come down in the morning do they put shoes on even if not going out to wear around the house? I only put them on when going out but would put slippers on if my feet were cold.

I still can't fathom why you feel it's 'rude' if a host asks you to remove shoes. Someone please explain? To me, not removing shoes indoors is akin to not washing your hands after going to the loo, then touching things and spreading microbes around.

What is wrong with walking around in socks or a pair of slippers/house-shoes? I have a pair of leather ballet-flats that scrunch into a ball in my handbag, I only ever wear them indoors (they're handy for parties or if a floor doesn't look clean). They have their own little washable bag for storage. But usually I'm happy in clean socks.

I'm also trying to understand why you feel it's rude to have shoes off, are you offended by the sight of feet/socks/slippers?

I agree with Fruu. I too have a crawling baby. I wouldn't let him crawl on pavements so why would I allow pavement dirt and street bacteria to be transferred to my carpets and wood floors? Just think about pavements, all the traces of dog/fox/bird poo, human spit/vomit, mud, drain water, roadkill, decaying food etc. I find it revolting that people would wipe shoes on a mat then tread on carpets where a baby is crawling or a child playing. It's basic hygiene to take shoes off. And even if it's a hard floor, why should host have to mop and disinfect after you?

Because of this thread I was wondering where all this started, and trying to imagine the Victorians taking off their shoes when calling round for tea.
I know when you were attending a ball women changed into dancing shoes in earlier periods, but can you imagine a Mr Banks wandering around his house in a suit and socks? Especially when shoes in those days were far harder to put on!

/meander

Regarding walking to my house: in the last month on the pavements / footpaths within a minute or two of our house I've seen more dog poos than I could count, loads of broken bottles and other glass, half eaten takeaways, all sorts of food packaging and other litter, 1 used condom, a bag of used coffee pods (why would someone even carry those up a footpath to dump them?! It's not like they could have been chain-drinking fancy espresso halfway along it!), vomit (unsure whether human or other). I don't live in that bad of an area, but there's a school with loads of teenagers nearby and our binmen seem to spill half the rubbish they collect so I suspect that's a large part of the problem.

A lot of large towns / cities seem to generally have awful stuff on the pavements, including the above and worse. I couldn't believe the state of the streets when I first moved away from the naice rural area where my parents live!

Inland I think some people are offended by the sight of socks etc. Not me, I don't care one way or the other. But they are underwear and when I think of my parents and their siblings etc they would find it a bit indecent, like coming into the house and stripping to your underwear.

Its not a new thing or modern suburbanism or thinking you are posh or being a germaphobe, in most hot countries/third world (delete as appropriate) and historically, having shoes off or washing feet at the door stopped germs and nasties from entering and causing problems in what was often a one room living space, tent dwellers do the same, its common sense as far as im concerned.

And the pavements are gross but if you want me to keep my shoes on at yours then fine but please take them off at mine.
Lets respect each others rules, its as simple as that so i dont understand those who would be offended to be asked to take their shoes off when im not offended when im asked to leave my shoes on.
Let and let live people.
Your house your rules and my house my rules.

I still can't fathom why you feel it's 'rude' if a host asks you to remove shoes. Someone please explain? To me, not removing shoes indoors is akin to not washing your hands after going to the loo, then touching things and spreading microbes around.

I had to call on people in their homes in my previous profession and no one told me to take my shoes off.

Would you ask the doctor on a house call to remove his/her shoes? Or a call for information from the police? If the queen came a-calling would you tell her to take her shoes off?

No. Because it would be impolite and precious. Why would you want to make guests feel uncomfortable?

but can you imagine a Mr Banks wandering around his house in a suit and socks?

No, and I only know one VP ( ex) who takes his shoes off.

Doesnt matter how lovely the house, shoes ON.

Regardless of your illness and how irrational it makes your thoughts I dont think its a good idea to talk of banning your in-laws from your house, firstly its your DPs house to and secondly it would more than likely cause a huge fall out, perhaps actually talking to them about what you see is the double standards regarding shoe removal may be a better place to start?

It's not a class thing or even a hygene thing - it's a cultural thing, and that can be national culture but also there are always different sub-cultural expectations within a county - most people report that which ever way they do things is the way "everyone they know" does that thing for that reason, not because it is "normal" in some universal sense.

In both Germany and Japan, as well as Scandinavian countries, carpets are not the usual downstairs flooring choice but shoes off indoors is standard across all walks of life. In Japan it's been "built in" to every type of home for hundreds of years, with a specific area to take shoes off on the way in.

Why do some MNers have to claim everything is about class just so that they can sneer at other people whilst being too small minded to look outside their own tiny pool of acquaintances.

I was brought up shoes on but adapted to the shoes off cultures I lived (and still live) in and prefer it. It seems most people

Also you never, ever ask anyone to take their shoes off because anyone who is even faintly perceptive and empathetic does as the householders are doing, whether that is shoes on or off - asking for confirmation they have made the correct assumption if unsure, but generally being a reasonable human being and reasonable guest means taking cues from those around you, not blundering in assuming ever one else is the same as you and that the definition of "rude" is "not the same as me".

generally being a reasonable human being and reasonable guest means taking cues from those around you, not blundering in assuming ever one else is the same as you and that the definition of "rude" is "not the same as me"

This ^^

YANBU. I'm sorry, but I cannot imagine for the life of me why people think it's acceptable to traipse outdoor yuck into my house and all over he place.

For those that seem to think it's 'rude and precious' to ask people to take shoes off, I actually think it's rude and inconsiderate to leave your shoes on in someone's house, and disgusting to boot.

I don't suffer from OCD, but it makes my teeth itch.

But would you tell the doctor to take her shoes off? or a police constable?

Riders you wouldn't tell them to, but unless it was an emergency situation people in professions requiring empathy might be expected to be perceptive and quick on the uptake and alert to social queues - and generally to do as the hosts do unless they are there to do a dawn raid or react to a time sensitive emergency.

The only doctor who has been into our house while on duty, as a house call, did remove his shoes - but he was German and in Germany. .. paramedics did not as it was an emergency. Never had a police constable in the house in a work context, but socially police officers remove shoes and have shoes off houses around here :o

Cues not queues :o

I don't think we can be living in the same country.

No one ever asked me to take my shoes off, I would never ask a doctor or a constable or anyone to remove their shoes. It's such bad manners.

It isn't empathy to consider removing clothes, it just wouldn't occur to most people. I have doctor friends, I shall have to ask them when I next see them. They don't here, obviously, or we at their homes.

I have never noticed someone's footwear when I have visited them and I didn't know that shoes off was a 'thing' before Mumsnet. So i wouldn't think to take my cue from that.

Plus I go barefoot in my own home because it's my home, iyswim - I would be a little non-plussed if someone saw that and assumed they were to take their own shoes off!

As a PP said, it's just down to people's own preferences - everyone thinks that their way is the only right way.

Although I do agree with the PP that said that those signs are incredibly PA - thankfully I don't have friends who would display a sign like that

Question for the shoes the shoes off people -

If you are throwing a dinner party and have say 15 guests do you make them take off their shoes? Does everyone sit/stand around in their socks/bare feet/tights?