For someone to buy DC toys for another persons house?

[Ohsotired123]

Ok SIL is currently coming off as a bit of a pisstaker to be honest. She's done my head in tonight.

This is the fourth post in probably 5 weeks or so that she's put on Facebook with pictures of toys she's bought saying 'toys for nannys house' 'more toys for princess's at nannys' etc. Quite good toys. The latest is a wooden dolls house and she's ordered all of the furniture. DD is 8 months and doesn't live with her nanny, she lives at home.

Mil has a good range of toys already At her house, a big plastic storage box full of all sorts of toys and books, other non musical toys etc. She has loads! A really good selection.

It just seems she's trying to compete or something, buying all of these toys not for my DD own house but for her mums house. Why?! A dolls house can't be used for atleast 2 years As she's only a baby at the moment, so why buy it? [Removed by MNHQ to protect OP's identity].

Mil told me SIL is now on the look out for a slide for mil house!

Does it seem to anyone else a bit stand offish and a bit OTT.

You lot are seriously WEIRD!

Do you just disagree because you can? stamp foot

Do you think this isn't real then? Ok I'll report and we'll see.

So what is your exact issue?

The fact she's buying toys or the fact that the toys are older than the child needs?

Let's forget the fact that she's getting her money's worth by buying them now

Is it possible that MIL has mentioned buying a slide or dolls house in future and SIL has taken the bull by the horns and bought it?

I know a 9 month old who can walk unaided so a slide now doesn't seem outrageous.

If you haven't got children you wouldn't know that a dolls house was too old for the child. Maybe she has fond memories of playing with her dolls house? Maybe she is being a little sentimental and wishing to start creating family heirlooms?

I can't comment on unreasonableness without MIL and SIL side of the story.
Maybe MIL is happy with the extra equipment as money is a factor? Maybe SIL loves the novelty of toy shopping?

On the other hand maybe the daughter is buying stuff despite space issues at MIL house? Maybe MIL wants to source dolls houses herself. Who knows?

Maybe she is doing it for 2 reasons. (1) she may never get the chance to do it for her own child (2) If she ever does have a child then Nanny will have some nice toys for her child to play with at Nanny's that can in the meantime be used by your DD.

Maybe there will be a sad post on here from a girl struggling with fertility issues whose brother's wife gets narked at anything she does for her niece. Please try to just shrug it off. As many have said some people get carried away especially if its the first baby in the family and she may really be horrified if to think she has some sort of evil ulterior motive.

The toys are at your MIL's because you and your SIL don't get on. She cares about your daughter but feels you 'put her in her place' more firmly than she would like. It's like you feel you can control (and indeed limit) her relationship with your child (which at this age is probably correct) and she is rebelling against that.

Also, when she does visit she can see your daughter playing with the toys in a more relaxed environment. I am pretty sure from what you have written that she doesn't feel very welcome in your house.

I've read both threads - the SIL can't have her own children.

So I think your are being unreasonable. The SIL is a nursery nurse so clearly enjoys being with children. The things that you are so lucky to have - the cuddles, picking out clothes, watching your daughter develop and grow every day, being 'mum' - she will never have. Let her have the bit she can have - doting on a child that she is related to, seeing a child enjoying things she's got for her.

She probably knows you are suspicious of her or don't like her, and that's why she said to have them at her mums house.

My heart breaks for the SIL to be honest - she's just trying to be a good auntie and do some things she knows she will never be able to do for her own children. It's fun to pick out toys. [Removed by MNHQ to protect OP's identity] She will never have those experiences with her own children and you will have lots of those experiences. Let her have the little bits she can have.

Paulanka- on my other post I never EVER said that infertile women shouldn't or can't be trusted with children, alone. What I did ask and tried to ascertain for my own self assurance is: is my sister in law requesting time alone with my 8 month normal and both reasonable to request? I also pointed out she can't have her own kids currently and desperately wants one so that makes me wonder if that is the reason for HER wanting lone time as a way to feel better or something about her own issues in her personal life. Thereafter I was worrying if that WAS the case would she be constantly be requesting these visits when I'm back at work and my time is precious. If my point didn't come across that way I am deeply sorry but I know for a fact I wasn't being utterly insensitive like you are making out.

not that it's anyone's business here but I didn't exactly conceive easily it certainly didn't take years and years but it took a long enough for us.

I've never raised concerns over my SIL 'steeling' my child all because she is going through fertility struggles I just don't (actually didn't at the time ) understand the request for lone time for an 8 month old child when the mother is actually about all weekend with you and your whole family. I have a Big family and no one has requested this but her. For fuck sake get off you high horse and others who say that I have a vile attitude about infertile women are completely uptight in life. Some people have blown that part completely out of proportion.

May be the only way she can cope with you having a baby and not her is projecting all action away from your dd house and actual mother. If she can't bear to see you be mother then [Removed by MNHQ to protect OP's identity] sending toys to dd's home and involving you in her purchases would acknowledge that you have had a baby and she can't go there. OP if it is this, that's so so sad for her, but not really fair on you and not healthy for your dd either because it means none of this is actually about her.

I just can't understand why you wouldn't want your daughter to be given lovely toys.
I'd like a SIL like you have & l'm sure many of us posting would.
What are you scared of?
I also feel really sorry for your SIL. Doing so many nice things & all you spew forth is venom.

I don't think you understand infertility at all. I didn't until I spent twelve years unsuccessfully trying to conceive.

Why do you feel so threatened by your SIL? What was your relationship like with her before you got pregnant?

You're correct, you just said:

She hasn't been able to have kids of her own and has desperately struggled for a very long time. So I guess I just feel a bit weird about it if you understand.

yes a part of it is that sadly she is struggling with getting pregnant it make me think is that why she wants her on her own I just don't get the lone part, like is that the reason? I've never felt uneasy around her because of how good she is with kids hence my original post on this thread. But the lone part just got me thinking.

I stand by what I said. Your attitude is fucking appalling.

So the family is rather suffocating. Is that really the problem? It sounds like she desperately wants kids and doesn't know how to handle not being a mum. I don't understand some peoples need to constantly post their lives on Facebook but everybody's different. She's obviously filling a gap in her life by doing it, which I suspect has nothing to do with you or your DD. I cannot imagine for one minute she meant to hurt your feelings. Most people don't decide I know what I'll hurt my sister in law today.

Families are so hard and I would really love it if mine would have wanted to buy at least some stuff for my DD. Before my DD was born, my mother asked me if there was anything I would like her to knit for my baby (she is very comfortably off btw). She arrived 2 days after the birth with a pack of 3 vests from Tesco. This was her first grandchild. After buying a pram, she berated me for not "letting" her buy DD a pram. So about a month after DD was born, I asked her if she'd like to buy DD some bedroom furniture instead, she was affronted and insinuated I was money grabbing. Then when I asked her if she would like to buy DD a bugaboo because the pram I chose killed my back (pregnancy gave me fibromyalgia) she refused. Families are never straightforward but then what would I know, apparently as I said I'm money grabbing for even suggesting my mother should buy furniture or a pram or anything else for my DD. So it could be the other way round, which makes me think my DD is a second class citizen especially as my sibling had a child a couple of years later and was bought a considerable amount of stuff. Mother has bought her plenty of stuff since then but each time I ask for stuff for birthday and Christmas, it's always a negotiation process and I'm made to feel demanding and unreasonable.

[Removed by MNHQ to protect OP's identity] You are clearly suspicious of your SiL. What do you think she is going to do?

This is getting totally out of hand. I'm a monster apparently. An infertility hating monster.

First dolls house? Is that a 'thing'?

Everything "first" is a thing nowadays. And if it's not filmed and broadcast on every source of social media available; it didn't even happen.

My own mother does this and I think it's OTT but I let her get on with it and thinks it's very lovely how excited she is to be a Granny. If you went to her house would would think he lived there, they have him one day a week, he loves it and I love that he has that, it's so lovely to be spoiled by grandparents.

Also my SIL has fertility issues and dotes on my DS, she's a wonderful person and would make an amazing Mum. I love it when she around to watch DS as I trust her completely with him. Unfortunately she lives in another country but if she bought him loads I would just view it as her showing her love as well as being excited to buy baby bits.

OP you do sound very harsh on your in laws.

There is a lady I know because she is aunt to one of the children in dds class. It's clear she desperately wanted to have children, she babysits while the parents are at work a couple of afternoons. Now there is another child in the family - I don't know who the parents are, the baby is maybe a year old now and I regularly see her with the pram. She was out walking earlier on today. I wish I had someone like that in my dds life. I think your SIL probably wants to be allowed the same experience as this aunty .[Removed by MNHQ to protect OP's identity] My DD was an ivf baby and from speaking to doctors, they understand that difficult to conceive babies can feel extra special to those parents, which can lead to parents being ultra protective. I don't think you have issues op, I'm just wondering if you have some of these very protective feelings, which are leading you to think that they're trying to one up you or take your experiences of motherhood away.

*DH and me - bloody autocorrect.

Ohsotired did you read my post before your last comment? We aren't all saying this at all and the thread is not getting out of hand.

No one called you a monster. Stop exaggerating to make yourself the wounded party.

I commented on your own words. You said them, own them. You have stated you have an issue with a woman who has fertility issues spending time alone with your child. It's there in black and white, it makes you uncomfortable.

It's a disgusting attitude.