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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For someone to buy DC toys for another persons house?

154 replies

Ohsotired123 · 16/04/2016 23:25

Ok SIL is currently coming off as a bit of a pisstaker to be honest. She's done my head in tonight.

This is the fourth post in probably 5 weeks or so that she's put on Facebook with pictures of toys she's bought saying 'toys for nannys house' 'more toys for princess's at nannys' etc. Quite good toys. The latest is a wooden dolls house and she's ordered all of the furniture. DD is 8 months and doesn't live with her nanny, she lives at home.

Mil has a good range of toys already At her house, a big plastic storage box full of all sorts of toys and books, other non musical toys etc. She has loads! A really good selection.

It just seems she's trying to compete or something, buying all of these toys not for my DD own house but for her mums house. Why?! A dolls house can't be used for atleast 2 years As she's only a baby at the moment, so why buy it? [Removed by MNHQ to protect OP's identity].

Mil told me SIL is now on the look out for a slide for mil house!

Does it seem to anyone else a bit stand offish and a bit OTT.

OP posts:
lalalalyra · 17/04/2016 01:49

I think it totally depends on the tone the Aunt/Granny takes when they are buying things.

My SIL (brothers wife) bought my kids loads of stuff. Often without asking but always because she'd seen it and thought "oh X would love that".

BIL's ex wife on the other hand would buy things she knew we were looking forward to buying. She bought DS a garden house when she knew we'd planned to take him out to choose one for his birthday. The first year DH and I lived together she took DS (technically my step son) to the cinema one Saturday. He came home with new winter boots and a coat despite the fact she knew I was planning on including him in my tradition with my DDs the following weekend. From the outside she looked like a doting into spoiling her nephew, but she was actually a manipulative piece of work who felt her relationship with him was more important than anyone else's.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 17/04/2016 02:36

Without knowing the people involved (SIL, you, MIL, your partner etc) it is hard to say for sure, but it does sound to me like you are being overly anxious and protective of your DD - to the extent that you want to control / limit / do away with entirely any relationships that are not controlled by you, any experiences that are not with you. Seriously this will not be healthy for your child. Just have a little think about it.

liinyo · 17/04/2016 03:41

You do seem a little unreasonable. A family member buying toys to keep at her house for your DD and others to play with seems ok. My own DM bought a beautiful and huge dolls house for my DD1. It was kept at her house and eventually became an integral part of all her DGCs visits. When they eventually outgrew it she gifted it to a local school where many more children still play with it.

My MIL also kept a stash of toys for her GC to enjoy -some a bit old and naff to my eyes , but greatly enjoyed as part of the experience of visiting nanny.

I don't have GCs yet but I do have a small collection of my DDs old toys and books tucked away in case I ever get that lucky. It has come in handy more than once when people with little kids have called in.

Ariana23 · 17/04/2016 12:21

Your daughters auntie is buying her toys and spending money on her?!? Why, how dare she?!?!?!?!? What is this World coming to?!?!?

Seriously OP, you kinda sound like you have deep underlying issues with your SIL and you're letting that affect your daughter's relationship with her auntie. You kind of need to grow up...

She is obviously excited and isn't it far nicer to have a SIL that makes an effort with your child than one who might not give a damn?? You own issues are clouding your judgement.

KayTee87 · 17/04/2016 13:14

Oh I have a box of toys at my house for my nephew, didn't specifically buy them but they are for him. Db and sil seemed happy he had something to play with at ours. Now I'm wondering if I've over stepped some line...
I'm expecting my first and was planning to buy 2 of the little tykes cars for when mine is old enough (1 for my Dc & one for DN) been happily imagining my baby and lovely nephew racing down our driveway...
Maybe I'm doing the Aunty thing wrong.

Maybe she's buying the toys for her mums as your dc is likely to spend more time there than at hers?

PaulAnkaTheDog · 17/04/2016 13:50

...Did I really just read that the op doesn't want her sil spending time alone with her pfb because sil is infertile?!

What the fuck is wrong with people?! Why would anyone think that? It's seriously fucked up.

KayTee87 · 17/04/2016 13:55

paul I just read the other thread too, it made me really sad.
One of my good friends is infertile due to cancer treatment and I would never be worried about her being around my baby due to that.
Feeling very sorry for the sil now and wondering what ops DH thinks about it all as the child's other parent.

AyeAmarok · 17/04/2016 13:59

OP, you really, really, need to unclench.

CiderwithBuda · 17/04/2016 14:03

I think it's odd. My sis had DCs before I did. I bought stuff for my nephew for Christmas and birthday and the odd other time but would never have dreamt of buying stuff to be kept at our mums house. Why would I? It does seem weird and as if the SIL is trying to buy stuff before anyone else can. A dolls house for an 8 month old is daft.

I loved buying for my niece and nephew and did so but there is buying a few things and going overboard. In this case it does seem that the SIL is going overboard.

mudandmayhem01 · 17/04/2016 14:10

My DD is best friends with my best friends niece. My best friend was unable to have children of her own. She is incredibly kind and generous, buys them a Christmas party outfit and takes them to the panto every year. She is an aunty to my DD too and they are so lucky to have her in their lives. I know if I have have any problems with dd as she hits her teenage years she would automatically go to to her special"aunty" if she couldn't talk to me. Children need more special adults in their lives not less.

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 17/04/2016 14:10

I find threads like this really sad Sad.

My DM has a toy box at hers for my DS, and she's planning on getting a little play house for her garden for him to play in when we visit. I don't find it weird, I think it's lovely that she cares so much.

I'm secure about mine and my sons bond, and don't feel that other people loving him and forming their own bond takes away from that it any way. It's best for children to have a wide circle of loving, supportive relatives and this is something you should be encouraging.

thebestfurchinchilla · 17/04/2016 14:20

You are cross that your SIL is buying toys for your DD to play with at MIL's house? What is the problem? It's up to her and your MIL. You are not having to find a home for these toys. Or is that it, do you want the toys at your house? I don't understand.

KurriKurri · 17/04/2016 15:22

I think she is just being a bit over enthusiastic - I would guess the toys will tail off a bit when your DD is older. As it stands it isn't really interfering in your life- she's not cluttering up your home, your DD will enjoy the different selection of toys at MIL's house ) I think the fact that she's buying them for MIL's house indicates she doesn't want to tread on any toes.

It's easy to sometimes feel a bit jealous when it's your baby and perhaps imagine people are over stepping the mark. But really it is so much nicer when relatives are interested and care about your children.

Some children have grandparents and aunties/uncles who couldn't care less that they exist. When it comes down to it - your child can never have too many people loving her - it will make her feel safe and valued, and each of those relationships will bring something different to her life. None of them will ever be more important than the relationship she has with you, but they will bring her joy, so please don't reject them. Smile

SpringerS · 17/04/2016 15:36

My parents have a big box of toys at their house for DS and a drawer of games and jigsaws, my brother has taken some of his old toys down from the attic to have there for them to play with together. As well as that I bought him a number of busy books (the books that come with a playmat and 12 smallish figures) to have there so he doesn't always want to bring his favourite but cumbersome toys to their house. So he has full size Paw Patrol, Avengers and Justice League toys at home and busy books with those characters at his grandparents house.

Dummykiss · 17/04/2016 15:49

Going by your other threads I suspect that your in laws just drive you crazy in general.

Izzabellasasperella · 17/04/2016 15:57

Perhaps when your SIL was little she really wanted a dolls house but never got one so she would dream about buying her dd one. Then she finds out she may never have children. One day she is walking past a toy shop and there is a beautiful dolls house so she buys it for your dd. Please op have a little sympathy for her.

Dummykiss · 17/04/2016 16:07

I think that she might be buying it for granny's house because she doesn't want to duplicate and so as not to clutter your house.

Unfortunately though when people are annoying you every little thing seems bigger.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 17/04/2016 16:13

I hate the use of vile on mumsnet because it's usually an exaggeration. However, I think the OP's attitude to infertile women and them being around children is vile.

Sorry, it's really riled me.

Buttons23 · 17/04/2016 16:18

What is the big deal? So she spends some money on toys for your child. I mean bloody hell what a bitch. I would see it as a win to be honest. Saves me money and I don't even have to keep them at my house.

People are giving you bad comments because your other thread was quite rude and offensive to infertile women and now you have started another thread bitching about your sil when really it's odd but not bad. It's nice she is trying to bond with your daughter. Give her a chance, you sound like a bitch of a sil.

helensburgh · 17/04/2016 16:21

I think it's odd but not something to get uptight about.
She obviously has issues with something!!
Go with the flow. Life's too short

helensburgh · 17/04/2016 16:21

Ps a lot of comments are way out of order. You feel the way you do about it. You can't help that.

Muskateersmummy · 17/04/2016 16:23

If dm is happy having the toys at hers, and SIL wants to buy them, I really struggle to see the issue.

Hissy · 17/04/2016 16:26

Now we have a bigger picture love, your instinct were right.

Your Sil has issues. Serious ones and needs to back it up a lot.

Trust your instincts.

This won't be the last time you have reason to post about her. This is only the beginning!

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 17/04/2016 16:38

I'm sorry but I think YABU. She's buying things for your MILs house, these things will be used over and over again throughout the years not just by your daughter but by any other children you may have or other children in the family. I would have said YANBU if she bought loads and loads for your house without asking but that's not what she has done.

She sounds excited, it does sound like you think she has ulterior motives especially after reading your other thread and I don't think that's fair. I do wonder do you treat your own family like this or only your in-laws?

PaulAnkaTheDog · 17/04/2016 16:39

Way to crank it up Hissy Hmm

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