To be angry to find so many threads on fights regarding house chores

[Valentine2]

I think it should be regarded a national emergency considering the distress it's causing to at least half the population (women mostly) and definitely the stress extends to men.
MNHQ and JUSTINE
see I think we can actually use Mumsnet as a platform for starting a campaign for this? It can involve academics, funding (Mumsnet can help with that perhaps?) and of course lots of coverage/campaign in media.
I do think that if we are finding this level of stress among mothers and women in general, it is something that must be discussed in an organised way.

Hneydragon
I didn't say that at all. I could always use a seat on the train when I was pregnant as a result of owning a uterus though. I needed it far more than lots of men standing around me I assure you. (There is a reason they have that kind of seating arrangements in the trains and tube).

You have a daughter and a son. Both come back home after spending who day outside doing their study, sports, job etc. Both reach home at 6.00pm and both "look" tired. There are a few chores that need doing. Both get angry when they realise there is work to be done (doesn't matter who is assigned what that day). Now who decides which of them is more tired?

Nobody decides who is most tired, nobody needs to. They do an equal amount of the chores that need to be done, end of story. They haven't been down a coal mine for the day, or climbing K2, they aren't too tired for a few jobs.

If you teach your son and daughter that the level and type of work required of them does not depend on what genitalia you have, you're more than half way there.

And there are people who have emotionally draining jobs too. I still don't see how that advances your argument.

Sarcasm is not your strong point either.

I find the ops argument more misoginist than feminist personally.

It's inferring that men are are the more able partner

ilovesotty - I disagree. As many postings in relationships show. People can be majorly disrespected by their partner and not realise it

Some points made do far against OP's suggestion;
Have you got too much time on your hands?
I've never felt more tempted to use the "are you on glue?" line.
This is the type of idea that makes so many people write-off Mumsnet as a site full of hysterical handwringing women.
ridiculous concept

Gosh those comments were helpful. They really added to the debate, and did nothing to support the concept of women not being able to talk about anything without getting bitchy.

Well done!

cleaty I didn't express that well. I agree. I said if people realise they're disrespected they don't need an app. I also meant that the way forward is to look at strengthening relationships and attitudes so that people are more aware and empowered which renders a scientific study pretty redundant.

Energy levels are an interesting perspective.
Apparently male tennis players should be paid more because they play longer, and because they are stronger, the game is more exciting. And no woman would beat the top 100 male players. Reportedly.
So, housework should be mostly done by men, surely. Because they are so much stronger and energetic. Right?
Instead many seem to find energy for hobbies outside the home and then find themselves shattered. Or go out and come home drunk at odd hours, but then couldn't possibly give up sleep to go to a crying baby.

OP, energy levels are not the issue.

lots of coverage/campaign in media

I think it's safe to say that the study, as outlined by the OP, would receive a lot of media coverage

Wasonthelist
That makes perfect sense to me.😇

It probably would. If it were published on the 1st April people would think it was a hoax.

It would make The Wright Stuff that's for sure and maybe Loose Women Fair.

Can you see everyone slumped on the furniture at the end of the day, all comparing their adapted fitbits and working out who's the most exhausted and who should make dinner or iron clothes.
Regardless of ability or level of stress generated by that activity

Doctordoctor
There is a whole history of trivialising issues around the fair division of housework that goes back to the 70s and hey presto, it's here too. I know what you mean OP. So many threads that indicate how women still accept that they should do more around the house than men and that it seems impossible to change that. Makes me cross reading them too
Completely agree with this.
Some posters have mentioned checking the men out housework wise before marrying them. It is often observed that roles can be equal before dcs come along, when the change in role (and especially the impact of ML and sometimes part-time working) affects the balance massively.

'when the change in role (and especially the impact of ML and sometimes part-time working) affects the balance massively.'

That's when respecting your partner and being able to compromise and adapt need to kick in for both parties.

Lewji
You are spot on! That's exactly what I am talking about. Except that it is obvious from the threads that a large number of couples are not realising that one of them is being unjust and unfair.
I think what happens in the end when men get away with doing far less household responsibilities (specially the ones that need multitasking) is that the "equality" argument wins. "Hey I am doing a job outside home and that is physically shattering me while you are at home so must be less tired than me though I truly appreciate what you are doing for me and the kids"
Honeydragon
No I am not saying that. I say whoever has the better energy status at 6.30pm must go on and take the major load to help their spouse. That's neither feminist nor misogynist.

I do wonder about that argument too. It's not Serena Williams fault that she is a woman and gets less money for playing the same game that a male player does although she is also putting in 100% of her "energy" in it. You see my point?

TBF it may still make the Wright Stuff since it is in AIBU.

OP I think your problem is you're about to base your scientific proof on a false premise i.e. that energy levels are the only thing that should be taken into account when drawing up guidelines.

The point about free time was a good one. How are you going to measure energy levels to make this fair? And what about dealing with fluctuating energy levels over a period of time or varying standards within couples?

But you can never actually measure peoples "energy levels" so what is the point of pretending you can?
And what if we are both equally tired? Do we say sorry kids, no dinner for you, no clean clothes and no bath, because mammy and daddy are both exactly the same level of tiredness, according to this app!

How about you just have a mutually respectful and loving relationship and work it out like adults? Works well in my house, you should try it some time.

Thesolitarywanderer
I am NOT saying you do it every single day. I am saying we need to do a basic measurement to get a rough estimate. It's only just. Please don't trivialise this.
Right now it might seem stupid to a lot of people here. But there was a lot that looked stupid to the men in 1950s too ( and to lots of women of that time too!!)

But that's the thing, it's not so much about energy but about respect and doing the best for each other.

The energy level would also be affected by the fitness of the individual amongst many other factors.
So if my energy levels are consistently lower than OH, would he be justified in making me go walkies with him on his nightly 4 mile rambles as I'm choosing to be less fit by slobbing out after work? Which is skewing the data in my favour?

Sigh. What I am trying to say is this:
We use this kind of measureme to to get rough estimate and then each household use their own rules and methods and principles and love to work out from there.

RAFALS
for the free time: so if I am more tired, I get more rest time.you call it more free time or whatever. The same goes for DH. (Again, we have a great "manual" for household chores so it's not my personal problem. i am sure lots of women will like to give such a proof to courts for proving their Ex has been a lazy slob always (and easily win the cases) 😂