To be angry to find so many threads on fights regarding house chores

[Valentine2]

I think it should be regarded a national emergency considering the distress it's causing to at least half the population (women mostly) and definitely the stress extends to men.
MNHQ and JUSTINE
see I think we can actually use Mumsnet as a platform for starting a campaign for this? It can involve academics, funding (Mumsnet can help with that perhaps?) and of course lots of coverage/campaign in media.
I do think that if we are finding this level of stress among mothers and women in general, it is something that must be discussed in an organised way.

It's still sounding ridiculous to me.

I'd fully support funding into services that work with women to get them back on track after an abusive relationship. Those services are woefully under-funded and I'd support a campaign to raise awareness about abuse within relationships.

I read a good quote once: 'Just because you've left a level 8 abuser doesn't mean you should settle for a level 4 abuser, the only acceptable level is 0.'

I think you are making light of what is actually a serious issue wrt energy levels and quantifying housework. You honestly think husbands and wives across the country will be consulting an online calculator to keep even scores?

I think it should be regarded a national emergency considering the distress it's causing to at least half the population (women mostly) and definitely the stress extends to men

It might be a problem for some people, but please don't include us all in that. There are no fights in my house about domestic chores, its not universal. I'm actually a bit insulted that you think we all need help in this area.
Guidelines? Sod off! What you need to do is live with someone who respects you and vice versa.

That is exactly what we do in our household too but I know it's very unfair to DH sometimes because he is bone tired some days. And so am I.
Besides, if it's that easy, why are women so unhappy even now? There is need of a big discussion nation wide on this. And I think one of the easiest way would be to actually be able to do this justifiably would be by doing this kind of research on energy level / exhaustion level calculation.

Think of the highest possible academic degree in this country and then some. I have that and I am fully sane when I say we need to calculate this kind of thing.

It's times like this I give thanks for being single.

To be fair to Valntine there are an awful lot of threads by women about division of housework and whether they should ask DH/DP to do more.

I have no idea why this should be such a contentious issue really. Isn't this something women should check out before they marry/live with a man?

' I would willingly and happily let him rest then and vice Versa if it proves one of us is more tired in terms of left over energy. '

You wouldn't just take his word for it? You'd rather have a '23% battery left' sign?
Energy levels differ according to the individual, not just the gender, as does peak energy time. As long as the job gets done within the timeframe, does it matter?

I think you probably need to turn your attention to things that actually, ya know, matter

'I have no idea why this should be such a contentious issue really. Isn't this something women should check out before they marry/live with a man?'

Yup. Likewise before having a child together.

Yes it's a fight against abuse no matter how you or I try to label it. And I am not including all of you in it but I am amazed that if somebody like Justine Roberts does 65 things around the house while her husband does 5, we are facing a trouble that does need addressing systematically. I don't think men are evil. I just think we need more clear ways of doing justice to each other if there is at least one thread started on Mumsnet every few hours related to this.

Need of a big discussion nation wide? No. People just need to be assertive and mutually respectful in relationships.

Wasonthelist
That's unfair. I work my bones off everyday. Why did you write that?

The only thing you've posted that I agree with OP, is the bit where you said

"This sounds bonkers"

HTH

I think this is one of the most ridiculous ideas put forward on here. Ever.

I think men are actually facing a lot of difficulty in helping their wives

See that word you used there?
Help.
There lies the whole problem.

When men stop helping their wives there may be hope.

But its a symptom of a wider prpblem, not the cause that needs addressing.

It's like spending your efforts looking for a miracle cream for your itching rather than treating the cancer that is causing the itch. It's about respect for women, and traditionally womens work, and work life balance, and gender roles and expectations, and SO much more.

Designing an app to calculate who worked harder and who is more tired...its just ridiculous surface nonsense.

The alternative is just get a cleaner in a few hours a week.

When me and DW both worked we had a cleaner/ironing lady 4 hours a week.

W have never argued about household chores. I think if one person is going out to work al day its a bit rough to expect them to come home and start a couple of hours of housework as well but at weekends of course.

I have cooked every meal, all the DIY and gardening and bins. We share cleaning, ironing, fill/empty dishwasher. DW does all the washing, sewing, and most day-to-day admin for home and DSs. It seems to work OK.

If women marry a lazy slob, then don't expect him to change. The signs will be apparent already when you are dating him.

Solitary wanderer
I take his word and that is why it's working fine. But there are too many who are facing trouble and I am talking about all the threads being started here daily. I don't think all men involved in those relationship are evil? It's just something that we don't have an understanding of (I think).
Besides, why do you keep joint accounts and check on finances etc when you live with your partner? Why not take their word for it? I don't think it's an insult to just see who is more tired at a certain time. Also, here are times( like when you have very young children and are utterly sleepless etc) when even normal things don't make sense. I don't see anything wrong in taking help at such times from something scientifically proved? Afterall a lot of men and women will do a lot to save their other half from super exhaustion and also will love to save their marriages for sake of kids etc.

So how would this ridiculous concept be funded? How would its ongoing effectiveness be assessed?

OP, I don't remember your cultural background, but it isn't white British, (or whatever the latest jargon calls it) is it?
I do remember that your OH was finding it very hard to say no to expectations of cash support from his family though, because he felt it was expected and something he ought to do.
Women are often raised to believe that their worth is tied up in their ability to perform household tasks, whilst looking good.
That's what needs to change.
Men shouldn't help their wives, it's a partnership of equals if it's worth having. I have 2 adult children, one of each sex. They both do household chores, regardless of gender-determined energy levels.

Op. You could've done the vacuuming instead of spouting your nonsense and daft emoticons.

Whats with all the goady responses? This Q takes up way too much space on MN. Its posted time and time again, and if its not that its 'when should I teach me son how to iron/clean the toilet/about periods because my DH thinks I'm a twat for even suggesting it.

And you know what TheSolitaryWanderer, a lot of men lie. They will say anything they think you want to hear to get what they want.

Its depressing that here we are in the year 2016 and still there are men who pretend to think clean socks (or dry tea towels) appear via the fucking sock fairy.

Men who do this are users. Not a partners.

Loads of weird studies have been done about power within households. My fave being the power of the TV control and who is in charge of it within a household. Conclusion was its a power thing a bit like cock waving. Nowt has come of this apart from me taking the control before DH and joking I'm waving my cock. Lots of research brings up interesting facts that you can do fuck all with. I know I worked in higher education for donkeys years.

I suggest instead of having a study to back up your argument you actually do something to make your lacking In assistance DH actually do something. Talk to him or just stop doing stuff. Many women are bloody downtrodden and vulnerable and voiceless but this doesn't appear to be you.

If anyone is with a lazy git I doubt waving a research paper in front of their face would help. They would probably just ask you to get out of the way of the tv and ask what time dinner was ready.

If I'm too tired to do X at 6:30pm and DP is too tired to do it too we either

a) leave it 'til tomorrow, or
b) the one who insists on it being done there and then does it.

Naff all to do with "official" energy levels.

I agree with sooty and really don't see the angst.

I wouldn't take a few threads on MN as any sort of indication there's a huge problem.