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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Organising own baby shower?

61 replies

Dozyoldtwonk · 12/04/2016 22:24

I've just received an invitation, not at all unlike a wedding invite with its shiny gold envelope & expensive eye roll paper, for a BABY SHOWER. So far, so normal maybe. But the mum-to-be has arranged it all herself, booked a venue, sent the invites (90, no less Hmm) & so on. Am I missing something here, or is this just fucking weird?

I'm not going, BTW, and have told her so just now. I have no problem with baby showers per se & have been to a fair few but I think this one takes the biscuit & screams too grabby. Or am I just being a whingebag killjoy DH thinks so

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 12/04/2016 22:28

YANBU

I think they're a ridiculous idea.

But then I'm an old fart who remembers when a simple 'congratulations' was enough for a pregnant woman.

The presents came after the birth.

Pinkheart5915 · 12/04/2016 22:29

I don't think your a killjoy.
I've never heard of a 90 person baby shower, or one at a venue, or a mum to be arranging it maybe no one was able to arrange for her?

There not really my thing but when I was pregnant with ds my mum arranged one as a surprise it was ok, had a cake (best bit), about 12 friends and played a few games at my house.

RudeElf · 12/04/2016 22:32

90? NINETY! Shock

Who the fuck knows 90 people? Confused let alone 90 that would want to come and play guess the sex games and eat cupcakes with dummies on them?

Haveheart · 12/04/2016 22:34

Depends. I organised mine but it was more of a party to get everyone together and eat cake. I definitely didn't expect people to buy presents and it was just in my garden. I don't really see the harm in them but I think I'm in the minority on here.

expatinscotland · 12/04/2016 22:36

They are not supposed to be organised by the mum-to-be.

TiffanyAtBreakfast · 12/04/2016 22:37

What's the problem? You only seem to object because she spent some money on the invites. How does sending a fancy invite constitutes being 'grabby'? Or do you mean that baby showers are grabby in general (not always the case)?

Original poster
Dozyoldtwonk · 12/04/2016 22:39

Pink I had similar, 12-ish people, small thing arranged by my best friend. Very lovely to chat, catch up & see the girls for a couple of hours.

Not even joking, Rude, I wish I was! I didn't have 90 people at my wedding as between DH & I we don't know that many people! Just crazy, gift grabbing if you ask me. Baby showers are generally supposed to be intimate little affairs with nearest & dearest playing a few harmless games & eating cake - that sentiment is lost by inviting so many friends people which is one of the reasons I've declined the invite.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dozyoldtwonk · 12/04/2016 22:41

Tiffany - definitely no problem with baby showers in general, it's just the scale of this one plus the fact it's been arranged by the mum-to-be, who's marketing it extensively as a 'hot event' not to be missed. Just seems a little excessive.

OP posts:
BooAvenue · 12/04/2016 22:43

Have you thought that perhaps she doesn't have someone willing to arrange it for her?

Pippa12 · 12/04/2016 22:45

I don't get the hatred of baby showers at all. What's wrong with celebrating one of the most exciting times of your life with your friends??? I wouldn't mind, they cost a pretty penny to host with food/drink/props for games etc. Just buy a pack of bibs and enjoy the day as I'm sure is what most people want. I love wishing a expectant mother well and giving them a gift!

RudeElf · 12/04/2016 22:45

Have you thought that perhaps she doesn't have someone willing to arrange it for her?

Yet knows 90 people she's close enough to, to invite? Confused

Leeds2 · 12/04/2016 22:45

I don't like baby showers whoever arranged them!

Did this one have a gift list attached?

FlyRussianUnicorn · 12/04/2016 22:49

Maybe she is inviting people from different stages of her life who she wants to celebrate with? I dont have many friends but if I invited family, people I grew up with, people from work id have 50 guests easily. Her choice. YABU. Go if you want. Dont if you dont.

KoalaDownUnder · 12/04/2016 22:51

Cringe.

Baby showers are verging on tacky at the best of times, but this is levelling up.

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 12/04/2016 22:52

Yuk. Baby showers are so tacky

Was there a gift list? Let's face it, that's all people want, presents

WorraLiberty · 12/04/2016 23:00

If it's just a get together with friends, then why call it a 'baby shower'? Confused

Surely you can get together with friends any time?

By calling it a baby shower, obviously the organiser (and mum to be) are expecting people to turn up with gifts.

Otherwise they'd call it a 'get together' and wouldn't wait until someone was pregnant.

BennyTheBall · 12/04/2016 23:01

Horrid and vulgar.

A nasty American thing we can really do without.

snickers251 · 12/04/2016 23:03

I'm a fan of baby showers and have arranged a couple for close friends and a family member who told me who she wanted to invite including her mums work colleagues and an old teacher Hmm but out of about 40 only 9 turned up.

Ive always loved baby showers but I've recently been invited and given a list of what to buy (including specific colours) which I know has been drafted up by mum to be (she's like that) and the grabby list has put me off for the first time ... and I've been to dozens.

Lovelydiscusfish · 12/04/2016 23:05

I organised a surprise baby shower for my friend (having secured her dh's and dm's assurance that she would like one!), and would do the same for other friends - I don't quite get the hatred of them on here.

I had a surprise one organised by colleagues for me, which was lovely. We have always done this in my department at work for any pregnant colleagues (which is lovely, but slightly negates the surprise, tbf - more of a nasty surprise if you don't get one! But that would never happen). There is no pressure to buy big gifts - most people bring something, but it might well just be a £2 Primark top, or scratch mits, or something, that they have picked for the baby, that they find sweet. Or, if they are parents themselves, they might bring something that they found useful when they had a baby (for example, I was given a tub of Waitrose Bottom Balm). Some people from different backgrounds give things which are traditional gifts in their culture, which is nice, and interesting to learn about.

So, on the whole, I love baby showers!

Having said that, the one in the OP does sound a little OTT!

WorraLiberty · 12/04/2016 23:09

I get celebrating once a baby is born.

But baby showers are basically congratulating people for having sex Grin

Only difference is an egg got fertilised.

I'm done having babies, so I might organise a sex shower. Trouble is, a name like that might attract the wrong crowds Wink

Scholes34 · 12/04/2016 23:13

Don't people borrow things off people any more? Does everything have to be brand new? I've lost count of the number of people who borrowed my carrycot - babies are in one for such a short amount of time, it was good to know it was getting some use.

Penguinepenguins · 12/04/2016 23:16

Worra love that, has me in stitches imaging the banner "Congrats you shagged ya husband"

Hate the idea of baby showers and the stupid games. Very much an American thing that I would not want to be involved in :) but each to their own, is this lady perhaps American and therefore that's why she has taken it a bit more seriously? Don't think there is anything wrong planning your own party, I quite enjoy organising things and maybe she's the same too - although 90 seems crazy and I would say no gifts on the invite and hope for chocolate

BlueJug · 12/04/2016 23:18

Getting together is nice but I agree that making a thing of it raises the expectation of gifts etc. 90 people, formal invitations, "all about her" - no, no fun.

WorraLiberty · 12/04/2016 23:31

Next time I get invited to a baby shower, I'm going to say

"No. You didn't invite me to the conception so don't bother inviting me to the after show party"...

whatsmyusername · 12/04/2016 23:35

Worraliberty ..your post made me chuckle 😁