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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask another school mum to take kids to school?

163 replies

ThereIsTooMuchConfusion · 12/04/2016 16:58

My child care just fell through and I have no options. I'm on nights won't get home until 9am. dh starts work at 0700 and would need to drop kids off at 0645. I have no other options and cannot take carers leave. But feel very cheeky asking others. At a push dh can go in late but his work will get very annoyed at him and he isn't working in a great environment as it is. Agh why are things so bloody hard!

Would I be cheeky to ask, I'm not close to any school mums but we chat a lot at the gate and one of my children are best friends with her child?

OP posts:
lem73 · 12/04/2016 17:21

I like to help out other mums whenever I can so I'd be pleased if someone felt they could ask me. I wouldn't text though, I'd go round and ask face to face. You need to make clear it's a one off as well.

Waltermittythesequel · 12/04/2016 17:22

Asking face to face makes it harder to say no though!

Original poster
ThereIsTooMuchConfusion · 12/04/2016 17:25

I was thinking asking face to face or ringing puts them on the spot. At least a text can literally be ignored or can text back a reply when they have had time to think about it X X

OP posts:
Original poster
ThereIsTooMuchConfusion · 12/04/2016 17:25

Didn't mean to put X X wastexting friend at same time Grin

OP posts:
PaulAnkaTheDog · 12/04/2016 17:25

Ask! I would be more than happy to help in that situation. In fact I do regularly. It's part of the reason I don't get the mumsnet drama about helping out and people becoming 'reliant' or 'taking the piss'. We all help each other out, don't count how many times because we like to help. Smile

paxillin · 12/04/2016 17:26

6:45 could be terribly early for some. How close does everybody live to school? I am quite happy to do the odd drop off for other parents, but school starts at 9, the kids get up at 7:45 or 8.

PPie10 · 12/04/2016 17:27

Yanbu, everyone needs a favour now and then and if you had asked me I would be glad to help.

Waltermittythesequel · 12/04/2016 17:27

Exactly, OP.

A text gives them time to think about the answer and to be able to say no without feeling awful about it.

Looly71 · 12/04/2016 17:28

I have looked after other people's children at that time of morning and someone else has done it for me at similar age to your children. It's no big deal pouring an extra bowl of cereal and plonking them on the sofa in front of telly with a book while their own children get ready for school. We all have times when things get complicated and it can't hurt to ask.

MrsHenryWinter · 12/04/2016 17:28

I would want someone to ask for my help if they needed it.

In our house we are unfortunately up by 6am so we would be happy to have a friend to play for a few hours Smile

Spandexpants007 · 12/04/2016 17:29

Just text

AugustaFinkNottle · 12/04/2016 17:33

Don't text, phone. Texting comes across as pretty offhand and can be misinterpreted. It's much easier to make it clear that you're really sorry and it really is a one-off if you're talking to them directly. You can also make it clear that you're not putting them under pressure and you really won't be offended if she says no.

lem73 · 12/04/2016 17:33

A friend of ds's in year 6 used to show up every day at 7.30. It seemed that's when his mum left for work and she was basically sending him to our house rather than pay for a childminder or breakfast club. I wouldn't have minded if she had actually asked.

BrandNewAndImproved · 12/04/2016 17:33

Can you not offer to pick her kids up and have them for a hour after school to pay it back iyswim.

Playdoughcaterpillar · 12/04/2016 17:36

Another one saying no harm in asking, I would help if someone asked me as a one off. Especially if you're happy to do an evening babysit in return. Everyone's a winner!

diddl · 12/04/2016 17:36

Are you going to mention the time when you ask?

Hope so!

It would be awful if someone accepts without realising how early it is!

Jitterybug · 12/04/2016 17:36

Just text her.

I have done similar for another school mum and had to get up earlier than normal to accommodate but I didn't mind helping out (as a one off). I'd have been upset if she felt she couldn't have asked and I'm sure she would return the favour should the need ever arise.

It's nice to help out where possible.

FuriousFate · 12/04/2016 17:40

Gosh! That is early. Your DH's work sound really inflexible too. As a last resort can you or he call in sick if you can't cover it?

I think this highlights one of the problems with using family for childcare. A nursery or before school club can get cover if someone can't come in. If your DM/MIL is ill then you're stuck.

I wouldn't ask another parent, I'd try and negotiate a different start time with work. DH and I live overseas and we just have to cover everything ourselves, as we have no family locally. It can be done, you just have to be hyper organised and have back up plans on top of back up plans and be prepared to pay for childcare that meets your needs.

Arfarfanarf · 12/04/2016 17:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 12/04/2016 17:41

I know I'm quite old fashioned with this sort of thing, but I think it's really rude to ask a favour by text.

I think it should be either face to face, or at least on the phone.

Original poster
ThereIsTooMuchConfusion · 12/04/2016 17:41

Oh my!! I would definitely mention the time. Not going to trick someone into taking the children and then breezily mention that it's very early, but you said yes now so tough! Shock Grin

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 12/04/2016 17:43

We don't get up in my house till 8am for school, so I would be really cross to get a text, as I would say yes cos I can't say no. Would happily take to school though. I'd only ask a parent who I know their child are early risers.

purplevase · 12/04/2016 17:44

Can your DH arrange childcare, as it's his job who are a pain? Does he have friends or relatives he can text?

Waltermittythesequel · 12/04/2016 17:44

I do think it's very old fashioned to consider a text rude.

I'm firmly in the 'why phone if you can text' camp.

HumanQualities · 12/04/2016 17:45

Ask! One mum at my daughters school has picked mine up at my house and given her breakfast on more than one occasion because of IBS flare ups on my part. I've repaid the favour by having her 3 round for tea and babysitting in emergencies. The worst she can do is say no.