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AIBU?

To ask another school mum to take kids to school?

163 replies

ThereIsTooMuchConfusion · 12/04/2016 16:58

My child care just fell through and I have no options. I'm on nights won't get home until 9am. dh starts work at 0700 and would need to drop kids off at 0645. I have no other options and cannot take carers leave. But feel very cheeky asking others. At a push dh can go in late but his work will get very annoyed at him and he isn't working in a great environment as it is. Agh why are things so bloody hard!

Would I be cheeky to ask, I'm not close to any school mums but we chat a lot at the gate and one of my children are best friends with her child?

OP posts:

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grapejuicerocks · 12/04/2016 22:51

Did you send the text op?

Penguinepenguins · 12/04/2016 22:58

Of course people would not die if they had to get up before 7.30... I'm sure most mums on here have had the pleasure of being up much earlier/throughout the night - it is merely an expression.

whilst I would not die, a horrible death I'd be exhausted all day - I am just not a morning person at all I'm a night owl, much like a morning person would struggle to stay awake in the early hours - I would feel like death if had to get up before 7.30/8 - that's enough of a struggle for me! I would have kids night before rather than get up and recieve someone else's kid at 6.30/6.45.

Agree with you on the charging though... For a one-off seems a bit harsh! It's good to have a "favour" in the bag for sure :)

ThereIsTooMuchConfusion · 13/04/2016 00:40

Thanks for all the replies. Now I'm not quite so stressed out about it, it's really interesting reading the replies.

I didn't text her. Although I'm sure she would be happy If I asked her. It's the time thing, it's just too early.

So dh is going in late.

Just to answer a few questions. Dh work are flexible but They give him a hard time about it, it's a small company and anytime he needs to do anything that means finishing early etc, they make it well known they are not happy about it, and he is miserable at work and it gets him down in every day life, although he wouldn't admit that. I didn't want to add to his stresses.

My job is flexible however I am in charge tonight (on my break at the moment) and therefore would not just let my manager down but the whole team not to mention the patients, that also means I'm responsible for handing over to the next shift so couldn't leave early without feeling terribly guilty and Sod's law would have it that I happen to be working with a very junior team tonight (who are fantastic) but they cannot take charge yet. So it was a unique situation. And usually child care isn't an issue it was just one of those rare times that every option seemed out of the question.

Anyhoo thanks again for all the replies

OP posts:

Floggingmolly · 13/04/2016 09:03

Oh honestly, op... If it happens again, ASK. Nobody normal would expect you to arrive with breakfast for everybody (wtf!) or would charge breakfast club prices, most people are happy to help as most of us know all too well how it feels to need a favour like that.

DamsonInDistress · 13/04/2016 09:13

For a good friend in a real bind and as a one off, I'd actually be quite upset and offended if you felt you couldn't ask me! This is precisely what good, true, genuine friends are for!

cornishglos · 13/04/2016 09:13

I would help. Because one day I might need the help.

WaspsandBeesSting · 13/04/2016 09:17

butttttttttt if it was truely a one off i'd do it but would charge breakfast club prices to be honest so that there's no "i'll get you wine/repay you in kind" kind of thing going on.

Wow just

Let's hope you never need help from anyone then.

Waltermittythesequel · 13/04/2016 09:55

I can't believe someone would charge money for this!!!

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 13/04/2016 09:59

I would be happy to help too and I work FT. 6.45 is early but it's not 5.30am either.

What goes around comes around and it's good for kids to have a change in routine occasionally see that they aren't the only children in the world that have to get up early.

MirandaWest · 13/04/2016 10:42

I would do it. And we don't tend to be up that early. I probably wouldn't do it when my DC had been at their dads house the night before as I wouldn't want to have to amuse someone else's children for all the time until school, but if mine were here then of course I'd do it. And why on earth would someone charge?

thethoughtfox · 13/04/2016 10:53

It's always OK to ask. It might open the doors to building a relationship where some of you can step in and help each other more regularly and become a support network.

AgentPineapple · 13/04/2016 11:00

As a one off I don't think it would be cheeky, but you'll have to work quickly to sort something else out

ukpor · 13/04/2016 11:07

I don't think it's unreasonable. I have asked another parent as long as you return the favour or make it clear you are happy to do so. You can offer to drop off kids after parties or pick up for her some days and drop them home. Most people understand.

cherrybath · 13/04/2016 11:09

I think it would be OK as a one-off - at least you know that it isn't a reasonable ask! What is unreasonable is if people get into the habit of doing this, or of picking up children very late when not arranged.
But I think that you do need to set up extra care arrangements for this type of contingency - its very easy to get too relaxed about child care and not unusual for problems to arise. Sorry if this sounds a bit high-handed, it isn't meant like that, I just know how often things go wrong... I've previously had my childcare arrangements collapse completely with less than a week's notice. And sudden illness of a carer or of their children is common.

Scarletfox20 · 13/04/2016 11:16

Always ask. I'm sure people will be happy to help you out X

cherrybath · 13/04/2016 11:16

Just read further down the messages: I agree that the one about charging top whack ("Breakfast Club") could sound a bit mean, but bear in mind that the writer might actually be a childminder who is normally be paid for looking after other peoples' kids... It isher paid work, just as much as the writer's shift work. And if you pay her you would not mind arranging for her to do it again if necessary in an emergency - so not necessarily a bad thing if you feel uncomfortable about asking a friend to do it for you.

Divathecat · 13/04/2016 11:29

If I had a friend in this situation and I could help then I would, without charging and would be very grateful of an evenings babysitting in return.

chemenger · 13/04/2016 11:43

If it was me I'd be happy to help, we are up by then on school days but if it meant getting up a bit early it wouldn't worry me. Quarter to seven is hardly the middle of the night.

spiderlight · 13/04/2016 11:58

I'd be fine with it as a one-off. I've done it for DS's best friend from 7am when a dog needed to go to the vet as an emergency and would do so again without hesitation.

kezzy13 · 13/04/2016 12:04

If it's just for one or two days then I would just phone in sick to work

happybee1 · 13/04/2016 12:34

I wouldn't ask. I am in the minority here but I wouldn't ask anybody that I don't know very well. I have often helped friends out with school runs but was taken aback when a mum I hardly know asked me to collect her daughter and take her to school. I felt that I should help. I am myself a single mum with 4 kids, 1 of which has behavioural issues so school run is not easy. It also meant having to spend time at short notice after work clearing the car out so that I could change the configuration to 7 seats. I know I sound mean but life is a bit of struggle, I did feel happy that I'd been able to help though.
YABU to ask especially given the time. The parent will probably feel she should help even if you say don't worry if you can't. Sorry, I hope you manage to sort something out x

glenthebattleostrich · 13/04/2016 12:39

For future reference, childminder may not be out of the question. I have a couple of kids who start later so would be able to squeeze an ad hoc child or 2 in occasionally.

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JimmyGreavesMoustache · 13/04/2016 12:46

do ask - I'd have no problems doing this as a one-off/occasional favour. As a working mother it's good to feel that I can call a favour in when I need some help myself. make sure they know you'll repay them in whatever way works for them.

VerbenaGirl · 13/04/2016 13:14

Not unreasonable to ask as a one off in an emergency. We all need help sometimes, and most are happy to help when it's really needed. Maybe buy her a thank you bunch of flowers, some chocs or a bottle of wine as a thank you afterwards. :-)

Elouie · 13/04/2016 13:29

If I was at your school I would do it in a heartbeat.

I put a facebook post out a couple of weeks ago for my poorly DD as I was desparate and one very kind mum responded and looked after DD for a couple of hours.

She said to me when I picked up that she hesitated in replying as although our daughters are friends (they're 5) neither have been to the others house before. I was so grateful she did and we had a coffee and a chat and now know each other better.

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