Do you expect guests to help with the washing up?

[SabineUndine]

My kitchen is tiny so no dishwasher. While I never let friends who come round for lunch or dinner help with the washing up, I've just had someone to stay for a few nights and she didn't help once. I cooked for us both a couple of times. AIBU to think she should at least have offered?

YANBU - of course she should have helped.

Lazy cow.

YANBU! If someone is staying for a few days then I would probably expect them to do some basics like helping to clear the table and wash up a cup after they had tea or something. I think most people would offer to do more than that too whether it's washing up or helping prep dinner!

I wouldn't expect a guest to wash up or do any cleaning. Maybe keep their room tidy and bathroom after using but no I wouldn't.

Most people with tiny kitchens loathe anyone else in there bumping into them and putting things in the wrong place, tbh. No, I don't let anyone staying help, other than stacking plates, but we do have a dishwasher.

No, for one meal (especially as we have a dishwasher) but it is a bit odd that your friend actually stayed in your house for several nights and didn't attempt to help.

This is why i hate having guests. Most people who have stayed with me think i'm there to do everything for them while they have a long weekend break in my city, while i have no break and extra work because of them.

I think people should offer, but I always decline cause I would rather do it myself!

If you invite me round for 'dinner' - I don't offer to help wash up. I consider that you would rather spend the time chatting to your guests and clear up afterwards. Also you chose what to cook and what to get dirty!

If I am staying with you for a weekend or I've just come round for a chat/watch TV and we have eaten incidentally to that, I would help clean up.

At my house, I never want you to help. Maybe pass over plate to me so I can put them in the DW but that is it. You just get in my way.

YANBU OP! It's polite to offer even when just having had a lunch at a friend's house, let alone staying a few days.

No way, hate it. I know how I like it done and no one else meets my standards. Besides I figure they made the effort and time to come and see me, I'm happy to treat them. Maybe I would feel differently if they were using me as a base rather than coming to see me specifically?

If a meal I wouldn't mind them offering but I'd rather do it later. If staying a weekend or longer they could do their own stuff at least.

I cannot stand people filling my dishwasher or washing the dishes. They invariably do it wrong (or in FILs case just filthy). I'd much rather they relax in the living room whilst I tidy up unhindered.

YABU. I always offer when I'm visiting friends/family, however I think that 'a guest is a guest' and I would always refuse to accept my guests washing up when staying with me (unless they were there long term and they were using the kitchen themselves). Guests don't come around to do the household chores! I wouldn't take offence at someone staying not offering to do these things, otherwise why invite them into your home and offer hospitality? If you don't want to wash an extra plate for a couple of days, maybe people staying over isn't an option in future?

SleepyBobo. But it wasn't 'an extra plate' and my guest stayed more than two days. You are misrepresenting what I said.

It's nice for guests to offer but I don't accept because they'd do it 'wrong' (I'm very set in my ways about washing up/dishwasher stacking).

What Starling said.

I detest people 'helping' in my house, and I don't usually help in the houses of others.

I always offer when I have dinner at someone's house, because it's polite.
But I never accept the help when the roles are reversed... BIL insists on wiping all the counters down and washing any pots that don't fit in the first dishwasher load when he comes round and I spend the whole time on edge because he's doing it wrong!

When I stay with my friends I usually offer (I think) and they tell me to drink wine and chat to them while they work. I do the same. I tend to stay with them loads more than they stay with me but these are longstanding friendships that are way past keeping a tally.

So I think she should definitely have offered, even if you said no. Just don't have her back if you are annoyed.

Overnight guests should offer, up to you whether you accept or not. However, IME anyone who's become used to a dishwasher is a crap washer-upper so I don't tend to let anyone else wash up.

Yes, we have a tiny kitchen too and although I wouldn't ask I'd appreciate it.

SabineUndine, I didn't mean 'extra plate' as in all there is, however I stick by what I said. A guest is a guest - do you also expect them to offer to hoover or change their bedding/wash it when done? It's obviously just my personal view of course, but I do believe it is unreasonable to expect staying guests to do any household chores. As other say, it's usually not 'helpful' at all.

I appreciate help with the washing up, but I wouldn't expect it of a guest.

I'd be surprised if someone staying with me never offered but it would be someone close I guess. A bit rude.