Do you expect guests to help with the washing up?

[SabineUndine]

My kitchen is tiny so no dishwasher. While I never let friends who come round for lunch or dinner help with the washing up, I've just had someone to stay for a few nights and she didn't help once. I cooked for us both a couple of times. AIBU to think she should at least have offered?

[Alisvolatpropiis]

No, I wouldn't expect guests to offer.

[NerrSnerr]

I wouldn't expect them to offer and would decline if they did.

[KatsutheClockworkOctopus]

I'm slightly on the fence. I think it's polite for guests to offer (though I always refuse). I would hate to think I'd made visitors feel an obligation though. At my in laws' there's such an expectation of busy helpfulness that you can't move for people lurking with tea towels, all ready to swoop in ninja like on each freshly washed glass.
On the whole YANBU though OP.

[SleepyBoBo]

Sabine I know you didn't mention them, I was asking if you would expect your guests to offer to do these other household tasks. You seem to be taking offence that I'm one of few people to say I think you're unreasonable. How am I contradicting myself - you seem to have taken my first post a bit too literally when I said 'an extra plate', I only clarified what I meant. Either you accept having a guest means a few extra chores for a few days or not have guests stay over. Yes it's a bit rude not to offer, but I personally don't think someone who's staying as a guest is obliged to do so.

[wheresthel1ght]

I think it depends on the relationship to the person staying. Family - yes I expect them to help, Friends - I expect them to offer but would decline.

My kitchen is long and narrow and I am a pia over things being put away correctly.

Yanbu

[SabineUndine]

SleepyBoBo but now you're contradicting yourself, and also introducing other household tasks, which I didn't mention.

[G1raffe]

I'd be surprised if someone staying with me never offered but it would be someone close I guess. A bit rude.

[Itinerary]

I appreciate help with the washing up, but I wouldn't expect it of a guest.

[SleepyBoBo]

SabineUndine, I didn't mean 'extra plate' as in all there is, however I stick by what I said. A guest is a guest - do you also expect them to offer to hoover or change their bedding/wash it when done? It's obviously just my personal view of course, but I do believe it is unreasonable to expect staying guests to do any household chores. As other say, it's usually not 'helpful' at all.

[YoJesse]

Yes, we have a tiny kitchen too and although I wouldn't ask I'd appreciate it.

[RiverTam]

Overnight guests should offer, up to you whether you accept or not. However, IME anyone who's become used to a dishwasher is a crap washer-upper so I don't tend to let anyone else wash up.

[Cocochoco]

When I stay with my friends I usually offer (I think) and they tell me to drink wine and chat to them while they work. I do the same. I tend to stay with them loads more than they stay with me but these are longstanding friendships that are way past keeping a tally.

So I think she should definitely have offered, even if you said no. Just don't have her back if you are annoyed.

[princesspineapple]

I always offer when I have dinner at someone's house, because it's polite.
But I never accept the help when the roles are reversed... BIL insists on wiping all the counters down and washing any pots that don't fit in the first dishwasher load when he comes round and I spend the whole time on edge because he's doing it wrong!

[MorrisZapp]

I detest people 'helping' in my house, and I don't usually help in the houses of others.

[CremeEggThief]

What Starling said.

[StarlingMurmuration]

It's nice for guests to offer but I don't accept because they'd do it 'wrong' (I'm very set in my ways about washing up/dishwasher stacking).

[SabineUndine]

SleepyBobo. But it wasn't 'an extra plate' and my guest stayed more than two days. You are misrepresenting what I said.

[SleepyBoBo]

YABU. I always offer when I'm visiting friends/family, however I think that 'a guest is a guest' and I would always refuse to accept my guests washing up when staying with me (unless they were there long term and they were using the kitchen themselves). Guests don't come around to do the household chores! I wouldn't take offence at someone staying not offering to do these things, otherwise why invite them into your home and offer hospitality? If you don't want to wash an extra plate for a couple of days, maybe people staying over isn't an option in future?

[QueenLaBeefah]

I cannot stand people filling my dishwasher or washing the dishes. They invariably do it wrong (or in FILs case just filthy). I'd much rather they relax in the living room whilst I tidy up unhindered.

[firewithfire]

If a meal I wouldn't mind them offering but I'd rather do it later. If staying a weekend or longer they could do their own stuff at least.

[IamCarcass]

No way, hate it. I know how I like it done and no one else meets my standards. Besides I figure they made the effort and time to come and see me, I'm happy to treat them. Maybe I would feel differently if they were using me as a base rather than coming to see me specifically?

[ManneryTowers]

YANBU OP! It's polite to offer even when just having had a lunch at a friend's house, let alone staying a few days.

[whois]

If you invite me round for 'dinner' - I don't offer to help wash up. I consider that you would rather spend the time chatting to your guests and clear up afterwards. Also you chose what to cook and what to get dirty!

If I am staying with you for a weekend or I've just come round for a chat/watch TV and we have eaten incidentally to that, I would help clean up.

At my house, I never want you to help. Maybe pass over plate to me so I can put them in the DW but that is it. You just get in my way.

[witsender]

I think people should offer, but I always decline cause I would rather do it myself!