Son treated badly at his own birthday party

[talllikejerryhall]

I am still fuming from the whole incident, hence why I'm posting now, instead of sleeping soundly.

So it's my kid's birthday party and all well except a so-called friend of his who didn't stop belittling and treating him like sh*t, all day long - usually within earshot of me! I told him off a couple times, but didn't want to be sat there haranguing him, and making a bad situation worse, so generally kept out of it until it got bad, at which point I would step in and say something. It was just low-level contempt and disdain, all day. The sort of thing that would upset you if you saw it happening to a friend or a relative when you were out, except it was happening to my son at his own birthday. Another kid pulled me aside to complain that he was feeling bullied too.

I was honestly stunned by his behaviour. You expect kids to at least mind their P&Qs when the birthday boy's parents are stood right there, but not this one.

I have written an email to the child's mum, with whom I am friends, but not sent it.

It wasn't just his behaviour to my son that upset me, but there was also some really unpleasant sexualised conversation relating girls in their class which had me gobsmacked.

My husband says I will have a massive falling out with my friend if I bring up her child's behaviour, but I think a kid needs to be told when they are out of line.

Thoughts?

So sorry that this has happened - I agree that you are right to be angry but I do think the moment for confronting the issue directly with either child or parent has passed as it really needed to be done at the time the incident thappened. Don't feel any sense of blame for yourself as I have been to at least 3 parties in the last month were for various reasons the party has not gone as planned - we have all been there. Yes perhaps the boys mother maybe lovely but if she was in attendance at the party why wasn't she keeping an eye on what her DC was doing?

I agree with others perhaps it's time to distance yourself and DC from this child and their family and encourage friendships with others and confidence building things like other hobbies - if Childs mother asks why you are not seeing them so often you can at that point tell the truth

I had a party for my DC 5th birthday very recently and hired in an entertainer - yes they cost £150 for 2 hours but god it was worth it - she was a mature lady with lots of experience and she so quickly controlled the children and was so skilled at dealing with any pushy kid by putting them back in their box before they even got a chance to get out of it. I have seen so many parties descend into upset for the birthday child between them getting overexcited and upset and also sadly very often so called friends or even siblings generally being horrible that now I would just never consider doing a party without it having a competent neural professional adult at the helm - if I couldn't afford a hosted party by someone I knew I could trust I just wouldn't do a party I would do something else

. I even attended a party were basically the child's father just overreacted to the birthday boy getting a bit upset about a minor squabble and the poor lad was left to sulk on his own for the majority of he party because his father wanted to teach him a lesson - I think as a parent it's very hard to discipline other people's children and in this case rather than address the fact the other boy had been naughty the father blamed his own son for his reaction to it

Sorry hadn't read full thread - it sounds like you skilfully negotiated raising it with the child's mother - well done you - not sure I could have done that I would probably have blown my top at the party itself - so kudos to you😀 now it's time to move on knowing you handled it well and make some new/ happier connections for your DC and yourself

well done, you did the right thing.

I would tell your friend about her son's behaviour. The reason being is recently we had a babysitter come and look after our three kids and DS (7) spat at our babysitter and talked back. He is a cheeky chappy and a sweet boy but he can take things too far. He has never been this rude before. The babysitter text my DH when she got home and told him. We were SO pleased to hear about this so we could correct his behaviour (we were appalled and embarrassed to say the least). We had him do chores in the garden, gain pocket money from that then go and choose her a gift and write a card to apologies. Then took him to her house to give the card and apologies face-to-face. DS was crying and shaking he was so sorry, he will never forget it! If she hadn't told us we would never have known. Our dd's didn't tell us except when pressed!

I know your son is older and the situation is different but the kid was way out of line - rude and arrogant to boot. The boy sounds unbalanced. He may need help of some sort. I would want to know if my son did this. Maybe you could test the water a bit with her - just go gently gently to begin with. Maybe ask if her son had a good time because you noticed that the boys didn't get on that well. Feed in a few less shocking details. I guess if she doesn't take it well then you can still back down and save your friendship but if she wants to know more tell her everything. If not, then like others have said, the boys will not be seeing much more of each other in the secondary and will be forming new friendships. Hope your boy had a good birthday anyway!

If someone hated me for telling them a truth about their child, I wouldn't miss their friendship. Who needs friends like that?