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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that I should be allowed to keep my books on our bookcase?

115 replies

EdithSimcox · 09/04/2016 16:42

I never venture onto AIBU. Be gentle.

My DP doesn't approve of some of my books and has removed them from the bookcase. She says she doesn't want 'any of that shit around' (religion).

I think it's outrageous censorship, she thinks it's her right. Is SIBU or am I?

OP posts:
bearbehind · 09/04/2016 16:46

Surely if she doesn't want 'any of that shit around' then this is about more than just the bookcase- presumably she doesn't want it in the house at all?

Not really sure how you can be with someone with whom you disagree on such a fundamental point- if religion is important to you and she can't even stand the sight of a book about it that seems a pretty big gap between you.

Spandexpants007 · 09/04/2016 16:47

What sort of religious books?

ijustwannadance · 09/04/2016 16:48

Yanbu at all.

FourEyesGood · 09/04/2016 16:48

This is a weird one. What exactly are these books?
I'd hate to have books on show in my house that misrepresented my beliefs, so I can see her point of view.

Hassled · 09/04/2016 16:48

SIBU. Is she an atheist and do you have a religious faith - is this part of some long-running difference of opinions? But regardless, unless your books are massively offensive in some way, you can have whatever books you want.

kimlo · 09/04/2016 16:48

Allowed? Her right to tell you what you can and cant own?

None of that shits right.

Scarydinosaurs · 09/04/2016 16:49

Are the books going to cause offence to visitors?

kimlo · 09/04/2016 16:49

But foureyes they dont mossrepresent the dps belief, they do represent the ops beliefs.

Original poster
EdithSimcox · 09/04/2016 16:53

They are normal paperbacks in a swathe of other books so hardly on show. Yes, it's obviously part of a much bigger issue which we're working through. But I was just curious what people think about this narrow aspect of it.

OP posts:
Gatehouse77 · 09/04/2016 16:53

SIBU. Even though we are atheists we own at least one bible (from school days) and a set of books about different religions.

I love the diversity of our bookshelves - fiction, non-fiction, serious stuff, comedy, religion, biographies, auto biographies, etc.

pinkcan · 09/04/2016 16:54

Weird. Can't you both put your books on the bookcase?

If you are religious and it's a problem for her, why do you live together?

FourEyesGood · 09/04/2016 16:55

kimlo My point is that they would be misrepresenting the OP's partner's beliefs.
As an atheist, I would hate to have certain religious books on display in my house.

Original poster
EdithSimcox · 09/04/2016 16:55

They are not offensive, except to someone who is offended by any mention of Christianity.

OP posts:
BlueFolly · 09/04/2016 16:55

Why do you need them on show? If I was with someone who wanted copies of Watchtower, for instance, on display I would cringe beyond belief and ask them to move them.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 09/04/2016 16:58

In what other ways is she a controlling loon?

Original poster
EdithSimcox · 09/04/2016 17:00

We have several bookcases, all more or less full of books belonging to both of us. New ones usually just get shoved in anywhere. These are ones I bought in the last year but she's only just noticed them.

foureyes I have books about politics but I don't agree with every word, and travel books of places I've never been (on would want to). Why would a book about Christianity represent DPs beliefs just by being there amongst the rest?

OP posts:
00100001 · 09/04/2016 17:00

She sounds like a twat.

LTB

AdrenalineFudge · 09/04/2016 17:00

I don't see how you could be in a relationship and disagree on something so critical. I have different beliefs to my DP but he'd never 'ban' me from putting up a book about my beliefs on the book shelf.

LaurieFairyCake · 09/04/2016 17:03

It's either ok to share the fucking bookcase or it's not

I have a Jeffrey archer biography to read plus various other books by or about undesirables

It's books, not evil brainwashing.

Obviously her problem is with you and your religion.

Why does she get to decide what you think or keep? Nope, she doesn't.

DTF

Original poster
EdithSimcox · 09/04/2016 17:04

bluefolly they weren't on show - they were stuck in the middle of the bottom shelf between larger books. She 'found' two of them today - I suspect a visiting toddler had pulled them out - and then looked through carefully to remove any other offending titles.

OP posts:
Original poster
EdithSimcox · 09/04/2016 17:06

DTF? Is that the same as LTB?

OP posts:
capsium · 09/04/2016 17:06

The options are:

1)get another bookcase. Could have doors so her eyes would not be offended by the titles.
2)pass the ones you have read on. This is nice because other people could benefit from them. Keep only the ones you want to refer to in a drawer, cupboard or suitcase. You could ask your church if you could build up a collection there that everyone can share.
3)ignore her. Just keep putting them on the shelf and shrug saying they need to go somewhere.

Going from what you have said about your situation before, yes this is unfair but you know why she is being like this - she doesn't want to accept your religious faith.

If you want to keep the peace, option 3 seems best but maybe a bit challenging. I love books, I hate to see them go to. At least if your church would build up a collection you could look at them when you want.

cozietoesie · 09/04/2016 17:06

You 'ban my books' and in effect, you're 'banning me'. I read them - for different reasons, perhaps - so they represent something of interest to me. Expressing your views on an issue might soon follow in the disapproval stakes, I fancy.

MitzyLeFrouf · 09/04/2016 17:07

Sounds about as fun as living with Miss Hannigan. Is she always this controlling?

Rezolution123 · 09/04/2016 17:09

It's not about books though, is it? It's not even about religion in my opinion.
It's about control. "You can't keep that there because I say so"
This is the warning sign that says "There may be trouble ahead" to quote an old song.