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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that I should be allowed to keep my books on our bookcase?

115 replies

EdithSimcox · 09/04/2016 16:42

I never venture onto AIBU. Be gentle.

My DP doesn't approve of some of my books and has removed them from the bookcase. She says she doesn't want 'any of that shit around' (religion).

I think it's outrageous censorship, she thinks it's her right. Is SIBU or am I?

OP posts:
VulcanWoman · 09/04/2016 17:10

I don't understand why some people care what their visitors think of the kind of books they have on their shelves, it's non of their business. If someone judges you on your books, then best not have them visit again/distance yourself from them.

SmarterThanTheAverageBear16 · 09/04/2016 17:13

I wouldn't want particular religious books on my bookcase. So I don't live with someone who would want to put them on my bookcase.
If you live with someone you don't get to decide what books they can have out just like you can't choose what clothes they wear or what they eat.
It's weird and controlling behavior.

MitzyLeFrouf · 09/04/2016 17:13

I'd perhaps judge if someone had a several editions of Mein Kampf on their bookshelves.

PotteringAlong · 09/04/2016 17:14

If she's only just noticed them they've hardly been in her face have they? She's being ridiculous.

EverySongbirdSays · 09/04/2016 17:17

It depends....do you mind telling us what the titles are?

I'm a book person and i'm very particular about what goes on not only what shelf but which part of which shelf. Like my main shelf is for my really good books that I love.

If there's something about those titles that 'makes a statement' I'd understand.

daisywhoopsie · 09/04/2016 17:20

'I wouldn't want particular religious books on my bookcase. So I don't live with someone who would want to put them on my bookcase.'

Couldn't agree more.

VulcanWoman · 09/04/2016 17:21

Mein Kampf Just because you may have read this book/have in your bookcase doesn't make you a Nazi does it.

LaurieFairyCake · 09/04/2016 17:22

Yeah, I'm upgrading leave the bastard to dump the fucker Grin

BathshebaDarkstone · 09/04/2016 17:23

I wonder what DH would do if books about Christianity suddenly appeared on the bookshelves? He'd probably laugh his head off! Grin

Original poster
EdithSimcox · 09/04/2016 17:24

caps you are forgetting I don't get to go to church.... (Not a topic for this thread!)

everysongbird I can't find them! But I think they are 'Unapologetic', 'Being Christian' and 'It makes sense'. The last one made little sense in fact to me, but it doesn't mean I would worry about it being in the house, or on the shelf.

OP posts:
MitzyLeFrouf · 09/04/2016 17:26

'Just because you may have read this book/have in your bookcase doesn't make you a Nazi does it.'

Well obviously not Vulcan. But I never said it did. I said 'I'd perhaps judge if someone had a several editions of Mein Kampf on their bookshelves.

EverySongbirdSays · 09/04/2016 17:28

"I don't get to go to church" - not a topic for this thread

Shock

Sorry

You are actively being prevented from practicing your religion???

LTB

As regards the titles I can understand why she might not want her bookshelf to advertise views she doesn't hold, but she should respect your views and allow you to hold them so you should have hers and hers sections of the shelves!

PurpleDaisies · 09/04/2016 17:29

Agree with others saying it isn't about the books. If you can't resolve the issue of you being a Christian and her not wanting anything to do with it your relationship is doomed and these conflicts will keep happening.

EweAreHere · 09/04/2016 17:31

Your partner is being unreasonable. It is your home, too.

Even if she is rabidly opposed to religion, you have a right to your own thoughts and opinions on the topic, as well as possession of any religious scripts if that's what you want.

You may not be compatible if she can't even look at the stuff.

capsium · 09/04/2016 17:33

Oh, I thought you were going to church during the week, Edith.

PurpleDaisies · 09/04/2016 17:35

You may not be compatible if she can't even look at the stuff.
I think that's the understatement of the century.

Op I've read threads of yours before. What would it take for you to leave her? There seem to be so many conflicts over your religion. You can't be very happy. Flowers

SquinkiesRule · 09/04/2016 17:38

You don't sound like a very good match, love doesn't conquer all.
She doesn't like your religion, won't let your books stay on the bookshelf in my house they go on the bookshelf no matter what just to look tidy Is there anything she does like about you and your core beliefs.

Arfarfanarf · 09/04/2016 17:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bookishandblondish · 09/04/2016 17:44

I worked at waterstones - there were only two customers in three years I judged by their choice of books. One, because she tried to persuade us that a raw food diet was the way to go. Once, no big deal, every shift for a month - yep. And she bought a book on raw food every time so couldn't avoid her.

One who bought satanic books ( ordered them specially - it was a long time ago pre Internet ordering) and then asked for a job at 10.30pm. Tad creepy.

Everyone else - I judged their lack of manners but never their choice of books.

Ameliablue · 09/04/2016 17:44

She doesn't allow you to visit church or have books on your religion. Why are you with this person?

Arfarfanarf · 09/04/2016 17:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Delacroix · 09/04/2016 17:55

You already know the answer to this. And as said, your previous threads indicate your relationship is dead in the water - she 'flips out' if you go to church, 'bans' you from owning books, 'bans' you from taking your kids to church at Christmas...

It's not going to change. You can't be happy with someone who wants to boss you around, tell you what to do, where to go, what to believe and is not respectful one iota of your beliefs.

Iggi999 · 09/04/2016 17:55

She won't be happy until you give up your beliefs. I kind of understand as I'd be upset if dh abandoned his, having previously been on the same page. But she seeks to control not understand, and I think you've found what the limit of her love for you is. What's yours?

Sighing · 09/04/2016 18:03
  1. If the exsistence of a book about religion shakes a (lack of) point of view, then that person is very insecure in that point of view (this works the other way).
  2. Anyone censoring my book collection (very diverse) would be told where to get off.
  3. Everyone should read material that challenges their worl view, be able to question their point of view. If they can't then it's got too many holes in it.
BertrandRussell · 09/04/2016 18:09

This relationship has no future, sorry. You were one person when it started- a different person now. And she is reacting to the change. She has a say in what you do with the children, but none in what you do yourself. She does of course have a right to say "I don't want a relationship with the person you are now" and then both of you have choices to make. But she has no right to demand that you change.