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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that I should be allowed to keep my books on our bookcase?

115 replies

EdithSimcox · 09/04/2016 16:42

I never venture onto AIBU. Be gentle.

My DP doesn't approve of some of my books and has removed them from the bookcase. She says she doesn't want 'any of that shit around' (religion).

I think it's outrageous censorship, she thinks it's her right. Is SIBU or am I?

OP posts:

EveryoneElsie · 09/04/2016 18:13

Giver her a copy of Farenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fahrenheit_451

chillycurtains · 09/04/2016 18:15

I think you have bigger issues here than just the books. It's about your DP's respect for you and your right to believe in anything you want and to practice your religion however you want (without actually harming others). This is a respect and control issue. And you need to get this sorted if you have a future together.

acasualobserver · 09/04/2016 18:17

The books are a proxy for a much deeper resentment. I'd be quite happy for my husband to disown my choice of reading - we have different tastes and views in all sorts of areas - but I'd br royally pissed off if my books had to be hidden from visitors.

AugustaFinkNottle · 09/04/2016 18:25

If it's your home and your bookcases, it seems to me you should absolutely be allowed to keep your books there. I can't see any basis on which your partner should censor the books you cite - if they were cultist or anything, she might have a case, but it appears they aren't. I don't even understand why she objects: in the highly unlikely event that anyone remarked on them, she could say you need to be informed about religion to know that you don't accept it. After all, I have a couple of history books about Hitler, it doesn't mean I support him. I completely agree with Sighing about the need to read material that challenges your world view.

It's sounding to me as if your partner has a really weird attitude to religion. I get it that she might not want your children to be taken to church, but I really can't see how it hurts her for you to go to church or to possess books on it, provided of course that you aren't trying to push your religion on to her. I'm atheist myself, but DD is moderately religious and I'm perfectly happy both to leave her to it and to hold back on saying anything that would upset her.

AugustaFinkNottle · 09/04/2016 18:26

Yeah, I'm upgrading leave the bastard to dump the fucker

I like it, Laurie! Perhaps we should start a campaign to get it included in MN acronyms.

Bringiton2016 · 09/04/2016 18:32

I am an atheist and am massively offended by any religion so I couldn't bear to have them on my shelf. Again, I wouldn't be with anyone who owned religious books.

peggyundercrackers · 09/04/2016 18:36

If you live in the house then you get to have whatever you want on the bookshelf, the other persons views don't trump yours because they don't like your taste in books.

Obliviated · 09/04/2016 18:41

I wouldn't have religious books on a bookshelf in my house. I find all forms of organised religion offensive but I wouldn't date anyone who thought differently (on this particular topic) so it wouldn't be an issue.

GarlicShake · 09/04/2016 18:42

There is no way anyone, far less a partner, should be forcing you to keep an aspect of your personality secret. Whether or not your books are 'on show', they represent some of your principles & beliefs.

Your partner thinks you should be furtive about that.
Your partner doesn't respect you.

DTF here, too! You deserve to be liked for all that you are.

80schild · 09/04/2016 18:47

Is there are a reason why she hates it so much? IME most of the people who are most anti have usually had bad experiences from "religious" people.

Also, have you tried speaking to her (in a non-evangelical way) about what Christianity means to you?

Personally, I don't understand how atheists who hate the thought of organised religion can't see the narrow-mindedness of their own perspective. Everyone deserves to be respected, regardless of what they believe.

Obliviated · 09/04/2016 18:51

Did you become interested in religion after you met her or did she know of your interest before you met?

MizK · 09/04/2016 18:54

Put the books back where they came from and tell her to wind her fucking neck in.

Alternatively, go through all her books and remove any whose content might not be to your taste

RudeElf · 09/04/2016 18:59

I'm atheist. SIBU. What is she afraid will happen with your books being on the shelf?

septembersunshine · 09/04/2016 19:01

I think you should be able to have your books on a bookcase in your home. Myself and my dh have a shared bookcase in the lounge. Both of our stuff is there. His highbrow Dickens and Trollope (he's a classics man) and my chic/lit/general fiction. Never an issue. It's our joint home so we don't segregate our stuff. What's her problem? she sounds a bit nuts... because what else is next? Are you now not allowed to say certain words or eat certain foods?

EElisavetaOfBelsornia · 09/04/2016 19:07

I'm an atheist but have several Bibles, a Koran, the Bhagavad Gita and Christmas Humphries on my shelves. Don't give a toss what any visitor might make of that.

The real issue is that your P doesn't accept your beliefs and tries to control them, and you. This isn't good, OP. It sounds like you have discussed this issue on MN before, you would get a lot of support on the Relationships board.

Lunar1 · 09/04/2016 19:09

Why are you prevented from going to church? We have loads of religious books in this house, we are not religious.

booksandcoffee · 09/04/2016 19:16

Sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time. LTB sounds right to me too. If she can not take you as you are and respect you for it then being together will do you no good in the long run.

DinosaursRoar · 09/04/2016 19:40

It's not about books. It's about you being in what sounds like an emotionally abusive relationship - banning you from practicing your religion is abusive.

It is unhealthy for the DCs to live in a household with relationship like this. It's unhealthy for you.

harshbuttrue1980 · 09/04/2016 19:44

Its a bookcase. Its for books. YANBU to want to store any of your books in it! I wouldn't think she was BU if she wanted to store Dawkins books in there either though. You're religious, she's an athiest, you are both entitled to have whatever books you like stored in your home.

Queenie73 · 09/04/2016 19:46

This could be about anything really, not just religion. What happens if you let her decide where you can go and what you can read, but that isn't enough? Does she also get to control who your friends are, how much contact you have with your family, what you wear?
I think you know the answers really. I'm sorry you have to go through this, it must be very hard.

HamaTime · 09/04/2016 19:50

If you are the poster I'm thinking of then your gf is awful and a pita and I can't believe you are still putting up with her.

If you are not, there is a similar poster who has a gf who doesn't let her go to church and is generally down on her (not in a good way) and she could well be single by now so...

LaContessaDiPlump · 09/04/2016 19:52

Honestly, I'd struggle having religious books on the shelf as I am emphatically not a believer. However, your partner is being unreasonable in banning them as you do share a home.

I get the impression there's lots more to this, but CBA to read all the threads.....

BertrandRussell · 09/04/2016 19:54

I am an atheist and I have loads of religious books! Know your enemy ,I say!

Original poster

EdithSimcox · 09/04/2016 20:19

I wouldn't think she was BU if she wanted to store Dawkins books in there either though

There's a thought! I could remove and hide her copy of The God Delusion! petty, moi?
Actually I am petty because I've put them back. When she notices that'll be fun....

OP posts:

Original poster

EdithSimcox · 09/04/2016 20:23

hama

OP posts:

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