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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is £100 a month pocket money fair?

143 replies

Picturesofmatchstickmen · 09/04/2016 14:11

DH thinks it's too much pocket money for dd1(18) She is at college full time so we still get CB for her. She repeated a year at school so is at the stage of most 17 year old, but technically an adult. I give her £50 basic a month, plus another £50 at the end of the month if she does a few jobs around the house (max thirty minutes a day) she also babysits her younger brother and sister whenever asked (varies, sometimes once a week, sometimes more) and makes them lunch, dinner if we are working.
I also pay for her phone, Netflix and haircuts (all adds up to another £50 a month) I buy essential clothes. She spends her money on going to gigs, train fares visiting friends, non essential clothes, make-up, going out, cinema, lunch while at college (but this is because she doesn't get up on time to make a packed lunch) and equipment for her hobby.
DH thinks because she works in a takeaway until early hours two nights a week then we should reduce her allowance. I think if she's motivated enough to do this on top of full time study she should get to keep or save that money to spend as she wants. I should add that the course, although classified as full time, is actually only 28 hours a week over four days.
I'd be really interested to know how much money other people give to their older kids? We are not well off, but can afford to give her this money whilst we are still getting CB for her.

OP posts:
Spandexpants007 · 09/04/2016 16:21

The CB is to cover the cost of food, clothing, bills, essentials. However your DD is pulling her weight (as everyone should) with cooking, chores, babysitting and such. She's obviously very motivated working on top of studying. I would use the 100 to pay for her phone and clothes. I wouldn't allocate any more cash to her.

BestIsWest · 09/04/2016 16:24

DS is 18 and in 6th form college. We give him £10 per week plus £10 per week for lunches so £80 per month. We also pay for his phone. He did have a part time job until a few months ago but had to give it up due to an injury for which it looks like he'll need surgery. I think he's got a pretty good idea of what things cost.

Headofthehive55 · 09/04/2016 16:37

I think it's a lot. We gave ten pounds per week for spending money in sixth form.

She did after school care for me for which I paid the going rate on a monthly basis, into her bank account. It was with the knowledge she was using it to pay for driving lessons.

Household chores are just that. For the household to do!

Gatehouse77 · 09/04/2016 16:42

At 16 ours get £100 per month. This is for everything excluding school clothes/equipment, phone bill and if they need any 'best' clothes for an occasion.

They don't have to do any chores but are expected to help out when asked.
One ruling DH has introduced is that in Y13 they have to cook supper once a week in readiness for University and life in general. Not that they couldn't throw a meal together before that but it wasn't expected.

georgetteheyersbonnet · 09/04/2016 16:44

It sounds fair to me - yes in principle one shouldn't be paid for doing housework, but plenty of teens don't do any at all or do it with a bad grace, and she sounds like she is happy to do it. I think some of the pp above are being a bit unfair about thinking your DD is being spoiled. If she was doing a full time course, still at school or away at university she wouldn't be able to do as much for the house and the younger children as she is doing now.

I think your suggestion of giving £50 and saving the other £50 - and letting her know it is being held back towards driving lessons, so it's still hers - is a good one.

Grilledaubergines · 09/04/2016 16:48

I think given she has a part time job, it's a lot when you add it to the clothes and haircuts etc.

I think £100 is reasonable if you say that's her lot, no extras. Added to her wages it gives her a very reasonable sum to live on.

GrumpyOldBag · 09/04/2016 16:53

wow. My 17 year-old ds gets £17 a month.

We do pay for his phone on top of that, anything he needs for school, haircuts and essential clothes.

But he has to pay for everything else himself.

He can earn extra money from helping in the garden, usually mowing the lawn.

Household chores are expected & not remunerated.

Ragwort · 09/04/2016 16:53

Sounds a huge amount considering she has a part time job, why are you paying for her hair cuts and Netflix? Hmm. If you can genuinely afford it I guess it is up to you how you spend your money - but I wouldn't dream of giving my teenage DS that sort of amount (and yes, I could 'afford' to but I don't think it gives him a good message).

Good idea to save some of the money for her - we have always saved our DS's child benefit - it goes directly into a pension scheme for him Grin.

Ragwort · 09/04/2016 16:55

Grumpy - we give our 15 year old £15 a month - we offered to increase it this year if he agreed to mow the lawn weekly - he replied 'no thanks, I am happy to manage on the £15 and not do the lawn' Grin.

teatowel · 09/04/2016 16:56

Mine got part time jobs at 16 and no form of pocket money after that from us. . I paid for basic clothes, fares to 6th form college and obviously they lived rent free. Phones and entertainment came out of their earnings.Once they went to uni we helped them with their accommodation fees. Now in their mid and early twenties they are really great with money. They understand its value! We couldn't afford to be very generous. I think it has stood them in good stead.

Summerwood1 · 09/04/2016 16:56

Think I'll come and do some jobs for you😀

insan1tyscartching · 09/04/2016 17:04

I gave dd £20pw and paid for haircuts,essential clothes,her phone etc, she worked in M&S at weekends so had plenty of cash to buy whatever she wanted really. She saved plenty and that has continued now she has a good salary and working full time. I don't see why teens should be strapped for cash as though it's a character building exercise tbh particularly when they are studying and working and especially if you can afford to give them an allowance as well.

Katedotness1963 · 09/04/2016 17:16

My kids (14&16) get £100 per month.

Original poster
Picturesofmatchstickmen · 09/04/2016 17:29

bettyberry I felt really sad reading your post, how mean of your stepdad. I definitely don't want to punish her for going out and working by taking money from her, but if I can persuade her to let me save the extra £50 for driving lessons, effectively making it £100, then hopefully she will be learning something. It will have to be with her agreement though.

OP posts:
Orda1 · 09/04/2016 17:34

I think giving an 18 year old pocket money is odd, especially in such a substantial sum, think I was given £2 a week until I was about 14 and was very grateful for it! My mum and dad did pay my phone bill though.

kath6144 · 09/04/2016 17:37

I agree with your DH, Op, if she is working then she should also be getting used to spending some of that money for essentials.

DS18 is Yr 13, doing A levels, has had weekend retail job just over a year. We stopped his allowance when he got the job, although carried on paying £10/mth for phone, £2.50/day lunch (he isn't always in school at lunchtime, hence a daily rate!) and the occasional help with clothes for 6th form. He wanted to upgrade to an iPhone when he turned 18, so we bought him a basic one for xmas and he pays the monthly SIM-only contract fee. As well as helping him budget, this also allows him to build up his credit history for the future.

He is quite happy with this and says that earning and spending his own money has helped him to realise the value of money. He is a good kid, v helpful, working hard at school, no trouble and we do occasionally treat him, we are comfortable and could still pay him an allowance, but I think by making them spend/save their earnings, (DS is more a saver!) they learn to budget.

Once he leaves job to go Uni, we will be helping with accomodation and possibly with living costs, as our income will mean he gets minimum subsistence loan. However, we will be happy to help, safe in knowledge that he has learnt to budget during 6th form and hopefully will be careful with whatever we give him.

memememe94 · 09/04/2016 18:10

Well, it's up to you--your money.

In your situation...I wouldn't be giving her anything, bar some childminding money. She's 18--so she should be contributing to the running of the house by doing chores. I'd tell her to grow up, get a job and figure out how to pay your own way.

There are times when I'm grateful I grew up in a house where we had very little money. (My parents had a good income until my father became very poorly and couldn't work.) It meant I got my backside out and got a job while doing 5 A levels. I worked my butt off at school and uni because I understood how much getting a good job would make to my life.

We're well off, but I surely won't be throwing money at my DDs when they're adults.

my2bundles · 09/04/2016 18:15

18 year old adults in part time employment should be contributing to the household not receiving pocket money.

Beachtrowel · 09/04/2016 18:16

My 18 year old student DS gets £160 a month + phone.

I'm not short of money, so I'm buggered if I'm going to keep him short.

LumelaMme · 09/04/2016 18:23

My 17 yr-old Dd gets £65 a month, plus her phone and haircuts paid for. She has to sort out her own lunch (makes it at home for free), clothes, makeup, travel to friends etc. I buy her the odd pair of sturdy shoes as she has a long walk to school (well over a mile), but I do expect her to help around the house without making a song and dance about it. If she's been conspicuously helpful, she might come home from school to find a pair of new socks on her bed, or I might offer to go halves with something she's buying when we're out shopping..

She babysits, feeds people's cats when they go away etc for extra cash.

I don't think she feels deprived - and she doesn't look it!

FuckSanta · 09/04/2016 18:31

At 18 I was self sufficient (still at 6th forms doing a levels) and working to pay my way. I bought a house at 19. Your DD sounds a bit babied to me.

FuckSanta · 09/04/2016 18:33

I got no pocket money once I started working part time - at 15. I paid for my own clothes and driving lessons etc and saved enough to buy my first car at 17.

FuzzyFairy · 09/04/2016 18:59

You could cut her allowance to 80 but then tell her that you'll double anything she saves by christmas or something so that will start to get her into that habit.
Or instead of paying for her phone and netflix yourself give the money and she has to manage the payments etc.

19lottie82 · 09/04/2016 19:10

And she gets £100 a month PLUS her wages which at an estimate are circa £50 a week......

So she gets her "essential" (?) clothes these paid for, Netflix, mobile phone and haircuts paid for PLUS £300 a month to spend as she sees fit?

That's more than a lot of adults have TBH. She's 18 now and she has a job. If I were you I'd give her the tax credits and stop paying for any extras.

80schild · 09/04/2016 19:13

If she is doing things that add value to your lives (looking after younger siblings etc) then fair enough. If she didn't do these things, you would have to pay for a babysitter. I used to clean my mum's house when her cleaning lady was away when I was 18 - obviously at a reduced rate seeing as I was actually earning my own money (and quite decent money give my age).