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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or is £100 a month pocket money fair?

143 replies

Picturesofmatchstickmen · 09/04/2016 14:11

DH thinks it's too much pocket money for dd1(18) She is at college full time so we still get CB for her. She repeated a year at school so is at the stage of most 17 year old, but technically an adult. I give her £50 basic a month, plus another £50 at the end of the month if she does a few jobs around the house (max thirty minutes a day) she also babysits her younger brother and sister whenever asked (varies, sometimes once a week, sometimes more) and makes them lunch, dinner if we are working.
I also pay for her phone, Netflix and haircuts (all adds up to another £50 a month) I buy essential clothes. She spends her money on going to gigs, train fares visiting friends, non essential clothes, make-up, going out, cinema, lunch while at college (but this is because she doesn't get up on time to make a packed lunch) and equipment for her hobby.
DH thinks because she works in a takeaway until early hours two nights a week then we should reduce her allowance. I think if she's motivated enough to do this on top of full time study she should get to keep or save that money to spend as she wants. I should add that the course, although classified as full time, is actually only 28 hours a week over four days.
I'd be really interested to know how much money other people give to their older kids? We are not well off, but can afford to give her this money whilst we are still getting CB for her.

OP posts:

blueskyinmarch · 09/04/2016 14:36

My DD is 18 and still at school. She gets £50 per month plus £20 per month into her savings account. She had a summer job last year and saved a fair amount from that and uses that to supplement her pocket money. We pay her phone. She has a car which we pay for but she has to buy her own petrol.

Clankboing · 09/04/2016 14:36

It is generous but she sounds like she appreciates it and appreciates you. Why not encourage her to save a chunk of it. You may not always be able to afford this and she will have some put aside for emergencies.

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 09/04/2016 14:38

Does she really do 30 minutes housework a day?
She's getting a lot of disposable income for an 18 year old. £100 cash, plus wages, plus extra for clothes etc. It's not very realistic. Personally I don't think that 18 year olds should still get pocket money especially once they are working.

butteredmuffin · 09/04/2016 14:38

My parents used to pay me to do the ironing actually. I think every family is different. There are lots of spoilt rich kids who get a whacking great allowance and don't do anything to help out at home. And there are kids who do chores without being paid and don't get any allowance at all. Sounds like the OP is somewhere in the middle.

Original poster

Picturesofmatchstickmen · 09/04/2016 14:39

But why should someone get paid for doing housework in a house they live in?! Does the OP get paid for this? Does her husband?
This is one of the things DH has grumbled about ....

OP posts:

Original poster

Picturesofmatchstickmen · 09/04/2016 14:41

It isn't always 30 minutes a day, one of the days she is at college then grabs something to eat, then out to work do I wouldn't expect her to go anything that day. I just meant it's a maximum of half an hour, not hours of chores

OP posts:

Bluelilies · 09/04/2016 14:42

My 16 year old gets £60, and has to fund clothes and hair cuts out of that. £100 does sound a lot to me, but reducing it because she now has a job doesn't seem very fair either. I think I'd look to reduce the extras you pay for rather than cut the money. Eg tell her that now she's 18 and capable of earning a bit she can pay for her own hair cuts and clothes. Clothes are rarely really essential once you've stopped growing

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 09/04/2016 14:42

I'm still with your Dh

TiredOfSleep · 09/04/2016 14:42

I think the babysitting and making meals for siblings deserves extra pocket money, as you'd be paying more than £50 just for the babysitting.

But, the basic plus phone contract etc seems excessive.

titchy · 09/04/2016 14:44

Agree it's generous, but also that you can't punish her for working, so suggest you give her £50 and save £50.

StarOnTheTree · 09/04/2016 14:45

I don't think it sounds OTT considering that she's still in full time education. It is on the generous side though and I'd probably stop paying for the extras and try and get her to save some of her wages.

Boolovessulley · 09/04/2016 14:45

I think it sounds about right.

She us babysitting for you and I imagine that would cost at least £15 a time plus taxi home so £20 .
Plus you would have to get someone reliable.

Original poster

Picturesofmatchstickmen · 09/04/2016 14:46

I agree with your DH and I think you are setting her up not to be self -sufficient. Are you planning to continue to subsidise her at this rate should she choose to go to university when she has fees and accommodation on top?

Her course is more practical and should lead straight into work, once she starts working full time DH and I will stop giving her an allowance obviously but will only charge minimal rent to enable her to save up to move out. But yes, I probably should encourage more saving and less spending

OP posts:

StormyBlue · 09/04/2016 14:47

Maybe instead of reducing the amount of cash because she has a job you could start phasing out the extras you pay for and say it's because of her age rather than because of the job? She could start getting used to budgeting, it's a compromise with your husband, and you don't send the message that she may as well not bother with the part time job.

IdealWeather · 09/04/2016 14:50

I don't think anyone should be paid for doing HW in their own house. Babysitting is a different issue. It's not her role to do that so paying her for that is fair.

I personally feel that, as you paying for everything anyway, it is a lot of money. What is she buying with £100 a month if clothes, haircut, phone etc is already paid by you?

Bottom line is, what are you trying to teach her with the pocket money? In particular, do you think you are teaching her that money doesn't grow on tress and that mummy abd daddy's bank isn't infinite (aka in a few years time, she will have to learn to stand on her two feet, will she be able to afford to spend that much money each month on non essential items. I know I don't.)

Marzipants · 09/04/2016 14:52

I used to get £5 a week (probably worth about 15 today), but clothes etc were all paid for by DM because I'd buy the tightest / shortest thing on the market.

I had to do a lot of chores too (DM had CFS).

I agree with a PP that maybe it's time she started buying her own clothes, unless it's something special (suit for an interview, smart shoes etc).

As an aside, when I go back to work after mat leave, I will have £100 left each month after childcare. I would like pocket money please! :)

Chippednailvarnish · 09/04/2016 14:54

Cost out how much a babysitter would cost if she wasn't doing it and I think you'll find you are quids in.

bigTillyMint · 09/04/2016 14:57

She sounds like a lovely girl, great to have around the household, and she is very lucky to have such generous parents!

My only concern is, will she be tapping you for money as she gets older? She seems to have a huge amount of disposable income and it may give her a false idea of how she will be able to live as a student/young worker.
I agree with others, why don't you save £50 a month for her?

My DD is in Y12 and gets £25 a month from us, plus £15 for her phone and lunches at sixth form. She doesn't do any regular chores at home, but she coaches her sport and does some babysitting. Although she has a good social life with friends/bf, she has saved a large amount of money. She pays for her own gig/festival tickets and buys at least 75% of her own clothes.
I do sometimes buck her a fiver if she is eating out, but really only once a week/fortnight.

Inshock73 · 09/04/2016 14:58

I agree with your husband. I think 18 is too old to be getting pocket money, especially if your daughter has a part time job. My pocket money stopped at 15 when i found a part time job and I plan on doing the same with my children, I think it encourages you to grow up and take the first steps to becoming independent, responsible and understanding the value of money whilst still living within the safety, comfort and responsibility free environment of your parents.

At 18 I also wouldn't pay her to do chores, she lives in your home she should clear up after herself, she could have her own home at 18. I would pay her to babysit as i don't think that is her responsibility.

I don't think there's anything wrong with still putting money in a savings account for your daughter. I think thats a lovely idea and can be put towards something valuable like a deposit on a first home.

AnotherUsernameBitesTheDust · 09/04/2016 14:58

I'm not showing DS1 this thread! He gets £20 per month. He helps out with housework, but pocket money is not dependent on that. He gets extra if he babysits his brothers.

If he had a job he'd get nothing. No one gave me pocket money when I was earning my own money!

I should point out that DS rarely goes out, I put credit on his phone occasionally (but he rarely uses it!) and we are paying for his Explorer camp abroad which is hundreds. He has to save some of his pocket money for spending money and then we double it.

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/04/2016 15:03

If she is getting pocket money, one of the points to to learn to budget. I would go through all the expenses you pay for her, work out how much they are, and try not paying for anything for her from now on. Give her the money for clothes, phone, everything and tell her everything is now her responsibility. She can prioritise clothes or gigs; phone or Netflix.

There are some great budgeting tools online so work out with her what method she is using. Before you dump this on her!

The way you are doing it now, the magical fairies are paying for essentials while she can spend all her money on fun. Really bad budgeting practice. And I teach budgeting. To young people your daughter's age.

VodkaJelly · 09/04/2016 15:04

My DS is 16 but at college he is nearly 17, he works in a part time job and earns about £70 a week, I only pay for his mobile phone and college lunches, he pays for everything else himself

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 09/04/2016 15:04

Could you not put half of it away so when she's ready to move out she has a bit of savings?

Personally it seems a lot even without you paying for her other non-essential extras. But it's your business.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 09/04/2016 15:07

There is a danger that your daughter will get used to this amount of disposable income and struggle when she leaves home.

She is currently getting £100 cash, free haircuts, phone paid for, clothes bought for her and all her bills paid. In addition, she has her own wages, which she spends.
If that is all added up, her monthly expenditure is huge for an 18year old.

CB could be put into a high interest account and saved for her future.

AyeAmarok · 09/04/2016 15:11

Yes I'm going to revise my previous comment of saying I think it's generous but fair given all she does, and suggest that the first (basic) £50 you put into a savings account.

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