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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU? DH doesn't want to hold friends baby

79 replies

Whyissheontheship · 09/04/2016 07:39

Ok this is kinda lighthearted and I am willing to concede I'm wrong if that's the consensus.

Close friends of ours have just had a baby, we don't really know anyone else with kids. They keep offering DH to hold the baby but he doesn't want to and it's getting awkward. They are getting offended I think.

He wants kids and said he is looking forward to holding his own, but not interested in holding other people's kids.

We had a fight about it last night

I said he should just hold the baby for a few mins he said he doesn't want to and why should he have to.

AIBU?

OP posts:

peppatax · 09/04/2016 07:41

YABU - I don't like holding other people's babies. Whether he wants his own or not is irrelevant. I've got my own and still don't like forced interest in other babies/children!!

Balletgirlmum · 09/04/2016 07:42

I never used to like holding other people's babies either

BertrandRussell · 09/04/2016 07:42

He sounds like a bit of a dick. But so do they.

MidniteScribbler · 09/04/2016 07:42

You and your friends ABU. Leave him alone.

superwormissuperstrong · 09/04/2016 07:43

Leave him be. My other half never held or cooed over other babies - he just feels they are too small and someone else's precious bundle. The more people insisted or joked about it the more stubborn he eland as it felt like an invasion of his rights.
None of that stopped him holding his own baby or being a very good and involved father himself.

AntiquityReRises · 09/04/2016 07:44

YABVU!

Arkhamasylum · 09/04/2016 07:46

Tiny babies can be a bit scary, if you don't feel confident. Or maybe he's worried that people will do that 'oh, it suits you' thing and he'll be embarrassed.

I'd leave him alone though. There's no real reason why he has to hold the baby and hassling him seems to be making him more entrenched.

On the other hand, maybe the next time he wants you to do something you don't really want to do, you could take the same tack...

Sirzy · 09/04/2016 07:47

Yabu.

I'm not a baby person so wouldn't really want to hold someone else's baby.

mollie123 · 09/04/2016 07:47

yabvu - baby snoogling is a lady thing except for those ladies who are indifferant to small babies (and really - making fun of him is not on)

coconutpie · 09/04/2016 07:47

Your friends sound like twats. He doesn't want to hold their baby - there is no crime in that! It's really poor form how you are all giving him grief over this. You had a fight with him over this? Seriously? You need to get over yourself. Wanting to have your own children does not mean you want to hold another person's baby.

Frickle · 09/04/2016 07:47

Jesus, let him alone. I can't remember my actual friends ever considering that holding someone's newborn was the kind of big deal (a huge favour, but also somehow weirdly compulsory) it is on here. I'm fairly sure that when I've held newborns it's usually been so their parent could take a shower or a walk or just not have a baby in their arms for a few minutes, not as some kind of Big Thing.

And I can't ever imagine a scenario where someone tried to force an unwilling friend to hold their newborn. That's just odd.

Andrewofgg · 09/04/2016 07:48

YABU. And so are your friends. Some men without children are nervous about holding somebody else's PFB. (So are some women; I have a photo of one of DW's SILs holding DS at six weeks, tensed up and terrified.) It doesn't stop them doing fine with their own.

Savagebeauty · 09/04/2016 07:48

Leave the poor bloke alone! I don't like holding babies either and would be pissed off if people nagged me .
Your friends are ridiculous too.

FelicityR313 · 09/04/2016 07:48

This happened me when I was a young mother and needed a pee. A very baby-phobic friend was over to visit. I just shoved ds at her and said 'here, can you hold him, I need to pee'. She squealed and protested but I came back from my pee to find her quite contentedly holding him. I think she was just afraid of newborns. I would just give him the baby for a photo or something. Say you've both got bad backs lol.

WellErrr · 09/04/2016 07:48

YABVVU. As are your friends.

You had a row with him about it? You need to get a grip.

QuiteLikely5 · 09/04/2016 07:48

You had a fight about it?

Oh dear! Yabu

Andrewofgg · 09/04/2016 07:49

But mollie123 when you say baby snoogling is a lady thing you are wrong, wrong, wrong, lets of men love it.

curren · 09/04/2016 07:50

You had a fight about it?

Yabu as your friends. Some people don't feel comfortable holding babies.

It's ridiculous that they are getting offended and ridiculous that you are trying to force him to, to stop them getting huffy.

Sirzy · 09/04/2016 07:50

And lots of women don't!

heron98 · 09/04/2016 07:51

I think YABU.

I was at my brother's house last night and his friend came to visit. My brother just plonked my 9 month year old niece in his friend's arms. The poor bloke looked really uncomfortable. I think babies aren't very intuitive to a lot of people and it shouldn't be assumed that everyone wants to cuddle them.

Yeahsure · 09/04/2016 07:51

Dear God, you had a row about it? Why don't you mind your own. If he doesn't want to hold a baby who cares!

FelicityR313 · 09/04/2016 07:51

I read it as the OP and her partner had a row about it, rather than the OP and friend having a row about it?

44PumpLane · 09/04/2016 07:51

YABVU!
i refuse to hold babies until they can hold their head up. It's just too much responsibility- you're holding the most precious thing in someone else's world and its so breakable.

This signing to sound daft as of course you wouldn't want this to happen, but the way I've always felt is that if you break your own that's one thing, but to break someone else's........... Ugh!!!!!

(I don't have kids either- I have a very adorable puppy, they are much more robust)!

Leave him alone, you're kind of bullying him and your friends are being unreasonable to be offended. Not everyone needs to fawn!!!

Andrewofgg · 09/04/2016 07:51

Eleven minutes from first post to being flamed to a crisp - is this a record?

Princecharlesfirstwife · 09/04/2016 07:53

I don't remember my DH ever holding anybody's babies but his own ever.

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