Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

AIBU? DH doesn't want to hold friends baby

79 replies

Whyissheontheship · 09/04/2016 07:39

Ok this is kinda lighthearted and I am willing to concede I'm wrong if that's the consensus.

Close friends of ours have just had a baby, we don't really know anyone else with kids. They keep offering DH to hold the baby but he doesn't want to and it's getting awkward. They are getting offended I think.

He wants kids and said he is looking forward to holding his own, but not interested in holding other people's kids.

We had a fight about it last night

I said he should just hold the baby for a few mins he said he doesn't want to and why should he have to.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Ifailed · 09/04/2016 08:16

I just made him breakfast in bed and apologised.
I don't know if that is an euphemism, but good for you to understand.

Savagebeauty · 09/04/2016 08:16

Well done Op.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/04/2016 08:17

Good for you, OP - you are a class act! You took the comments on board very graciously - a rare thing in AIBU!

Original poster

Whyissheontheship · 09/04/2016 08:20

ifailed

OP posts:

JasperDamerel · 09/04/2016 08:26

I mostly dislike holding other people's babies. Before I had children, it absolutely terrified me. I would hold them, and they didn't like it and would start crying, and I would have made a baby cry! Now, with years of experience of holding my own babies, I'm no longer scared of breaking them, and I will happily hold a baby to free the parents, but it's not something I enjoy as an experience in itself. With my own children, I held them constantly, and loved them. I think to me cuddling another mother's baby feels a bit like cuddling another woman's husband - it feels like too much intimacy.

Theoretician · 09/04/2016 08:30

DW keeps thrusting friends baby at me. I refuse. She and friends joke that it is because I'm scared of being thrown up on.

It's not just that I don't want to, that I don't see the benefit. I have a positive aversion to it. It makes me extremely uncomfortable. I don't want to be forced into intimacy with a stranger, never mind in front of an audience with weird expectations of how I'm supposed to feel about it.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/04/2016 08:48

I always wonder why some parents are so insistent. Why would you want anyone holding your baby when they obviously don't want to? Surely the baby can sense the tension, and that can't be very nice?

I find it easier to pretend to admire the baby when he or she isn't being forced on me.

Theoretician Actually that's one of the many reasons I won't hold babies - I can't cope with baby sick!

I have a tip as your DW seems somewhat pushy - if all else fails, refer to the baby as 'it' - that sounds harsh and I wouldn't do this normally, but it's the only way I have found to stop pushy people in their tracks.

pictish · 09/04/2016 09:11

Glad you've backed down OP - I've never been one for holding babies. I've had three of my own and schnuzzled the life out of them, but never had any interest in holding other people's.

pictish · 09/04/2016 09:13

Livia I 'm the same. I'll admire and coo over the perfect gorgeousness of said baby and maybe gently stroke a cheek but I don't want to hold them.

AnnaMarlowe · 09/04/2016 09:29

Why I'm assuming that you were upset he wouldn't hold the Baby because you felt it might indicate that he didn't really want his own?

Just to reassure you, my DH was never that keen holding other people's newborns but we have a lovely picture of him holding both of our two newborns with a wonderful smile on his face.

When I was pregnant we got lots and lots of hassle from friends and family about the fact we'd never changed a nappy and how would we cope when we had to do it for twins.

We learned on day one, wasn't hard.

I still have no interest in voluntarily changing anyone else's baby's nappy.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 09/04/2016 09:34

DH never held other people's babies before we had dc and he was a great dad and hands on from the moment they were born. He held our baby nephew for the first time yesterday and honestly it looked like he'd never held a newborn before it was ridiculous. He's also really awkward around any of my friends toddlers.

BennyTheBall · 09/04/2016 09:38

I don't like holding babies. It's really annoying when parents of a newborn think you automatically want to hold it.

Osirus · 09/04/2016 09:39

Glad you have apologised to your poor man! I'm pregnant and I have never liked holding other people's babies. I hope your friends back off too.

ThatsNotMyRabbit · 09/04/2016 09:42

Thank god you saw sense!

Now it's time for your weird friends to apologise. He must have started to think you were all fucking loopy with your obsession with dumping a baby on him 🙄

seven201 · 09/04/2016 09:49

My husband is too scared to hold someone else's baby. I have occasionally plonked one of my toddler nephews or niece on his lap and he looks startled at first and gives me a death stare but then recovers and enjoys it. I wouldn't do that with a baby or an unwilling toddler by the way! Ours is due in June so I'm hoping he gets over his fear by then!

Pipbin · 09/04/2016 09:49

I'm with your DH. People at my work keep having babies and bring them in to be held. I understand that lots of people love to hold a baby. I don't. I do have a reason as I had a long and unsuccessful journey through IVF but that aside I just don't understand what I'm meant to do holding a baby.
Fortunately most people know my history and therefore are mindful that it might be upsetting. It's a great excuse that gets me out of baby holding.

Now if someone handed me a kitten I could hold that for hours.......

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/04/2016 09:50

Pipbin Well of course - kittens are yummy!

gemdrop84 · 09/04/2016 10:04

I'm not keen on holding/cooing over babies. Dh loves it and coos over babies. I'd hate to think I'm being judged by friends because I don't want to hold their baby. Poor bloke. One of our friends refused to hold either of our dc until they could hold their heads, we didn't judge/question at all.

Peppaismyhomegirl · 09/04/2016 10:08

Don't have kids together if you argue about this. YABVU. Loads of people don't want to hold newborns. 4 in my family didn't want to hold my son as he is tiny and they were so worried about hurting him. They are fantastic relatives to him and chuck him round the room happily now he's a wrestling 4 ye old. His choice, stop projecting yourself on him. You sound a nightmare

Peppaismyhomegirl · 09/04/2016 10:10

Just saw you apologised. You've done the right thing, hope you have a nice day together now

Micah · 09/04/2016 10:22

Totally agree with pp who said about the comments.

In my family i am not seen as affectionate or maternal, if a look at a baby im practically harrassed. I'm not bothered about babies, but will have a hold, but increasingly i avoid it to avoid the comments. I also dont like the attitude sometimes that the parents are doing me a huge privelege letting me hold their precious, when i dont particularly want to.

Mollie, its not a "lady thing". Dh openly loves babies, will snatch them for a cuddle at any opportunity, and is found hanging in the sandpit in preference to spending time with adults.

movpov · 09/04/2016 10:23

Why is it such a big deal? You and your friends are being very unreasonable. Leave the poor guy alone and stop harassing him

peppatax · 09/04/2016 10:41

When you have DC, I'd see if said friend wants to hold your baby. I suspect it will be a 'no thanks' on the basis of those with PFB are often not interested in other's children... but well done OP for your response to this

DrDreReturns · 09/04/2016 10:45

If you've never held a baby before it can be (at least I found it) quite scary. They are so delicate! Before I had kids I wasn't really comfortable holding babies, I was worried about hurting them. Glad to see that makes me a 'dick' BertrandRussell, guess I should have just manned up.

Branleuse · 09/04/2016 10:45

why did they need him to hold their baby? Was it for a specific reason, like they had a hot pan, and needed them to? Couldnt you hold it instead?

I dont think theyre offended by it as much as you think.

Flip

1 2 3 4