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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? DH doesn't want to hold friends baby

79 replies

Whyissheontheship · 09/04/2016 07:39

Ok this is kinda lighthearted and I am willing to concede I'm wrong if that's the consensus.

Close friends of ours have just had a baby, we don't really know anyone else with kids. They keep offering DH to hold the baby but he doesn't want to and it's getting awkward. They are getting offended I think.

He wants kids and said he is looking forward to holding his own, but not interested in holding other people's kids.

We had a fight about it last night

I said he should just hold the baby for a few mins he said he doesn't want to and why should he have to.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 09/04/2016 07:56

Jeez, I don't think I have ever, in my 50 years, held a baby, nor do I have any desire to - I don't get the fascination at all, leave the poor bugger alone

Ebony69 · 09/04/2016 07:56

Bertrand, why does he sound like a 'dick?'

FiveCharactersOrLess · 09/04/2016 07:56

YABU and so are your friends - they need to be polite and stop asking him to hold the baby so if they won't you need to have a quiet word. No-one has to hold a baby if they don't want to!

Will say though that if they're getting offended because DH isn't showing any interest in their baby generally, besides not holding it, he's BVU about that, would be asking him to show more interest in that case purely on a politeness level - say baby looks lovely/they seem so happy/he loves their fancy buggy etc etc. Showing interest/pleasure in someone's baby is a basic courtesy imo but that doesn't have to be demonstrated by holding it.

TotalConfucius · 09/04/2016 07:56

My own DH had never ever held a baby until he held his own at the age of 28 (DH 28 not the baby, though they are not too far off). This despite my having 7 nephews and nieces over the years we were together before having our own children.
However, it was soon discovered that he has some sort of special baby-charmer gene so since the age of 28 he has been much in demand for baby holding, and the nephews and nieces he wouldn't hold dump their babies on him after every feed and change so he can work his magic.
Funnily enough, he has the same powers over any kind of baby animal.
So leave your DH be. Maybe he has The Power too and by making him hold other babies now you are diluting the power and will have to deal with colic on your own in the future.

londonrach · 09/04/2016 07:57

Yabu. Poor guy. Dh is very happy to coo, pull faces (seen him make a fuss of babies all the time) etc on others new born but as far as im aware has never held a baby under 6 months. I think its the fear of dropping (as if you would) something so precious and so small. I know he be holding if we are lucky our new baby very soon (cant wait) but its different if your own. Your friends are being very unreasonal to not understand that.

Original poster
Whyissheontheship · 09/04/2016 07:58

Oh dear, Ok ok I concede I'm being unreasonable I'll back off and apologise. Grin

It was more of a heated discussion more than a row per se

OP posts:
wigglesrock · 09/04/2016 07:58

YABU - we've 3 kids and my husband has been over the moon to hold them, feed them, incessantly sing to them not as cute as it sounds, put them to sleep, all the usual child stuff but he wouldn't have any interest in holding a baby that's not his or his niece or nephew. Neither for example would my mum - she'd have held her grandkids all day, every day but someone elses, while she'd talk to them, congratulate the parents, push a pram if needs be she wouldn't see the point in holding the baby.

DoreenLethal · 09/04/2016 08:00

You had a heated discussion because he doesn't want to do something and you are trying to force him to?

You are being the dick here.

curren · 09/04/2016 08:00

Dhs grandad wouldn't hold babies until they could sit up. They adopted dhs mum at 9 months so he had never had a small baby to look after.

It didn't even enter my head to be bothered about this.

Are you friends precious? Or do you think you are imaging they are offended, because you think it so odd.

booklooker · 09/04/2016 08:01

Bertrand Why do you think he sounds like a dick? Some people just do not like to hold babies, it does not mean they are dicks.

What an odd thing to say.

SaltySeaBird · 09/04/2016 08:02

I hadn't held a baby until I was 35 and had my own, I always refused. Even now with two DC I really don't like holding other peoples babies.

lornathewizzard · 09/04/2016 08:03

Nope, I don't like holding other people's babies either. Especially tiny ones. Your friends are BU to go on about it, as are you.
As an aside, BIL would hardly touch our DD until she was more robust and now happily has her. And she dotes on him.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/04/2016 08:03

YABvvvvvvvU and so are your friends. Lots of people don't like holding babies, and your friends making a big deal about it makes them look like dicks, to be honest.

I am a child free woman and I have encountered people like your friends, particularly when colleagues bringing their babies into work. I'm trying to actually do something and they are pushing their baby at me.

On the other hand, maybe the next time he wants you to do something you don't really want to do, you could take the same tack...

Yes because that's totally reasonable Hmm It makes no difference to you if he hold the child or not - putting pressure on him is going to make him dig his heels in, of course it is.

Felicity Whether or not she was comfortable after a while is irrelevant - if she didn't want to hold your child, she shouldn't have had to.

Please don't try to manipulate him into holding the baby for a photo - from experience it will make him dig his heels in all the more.

Lots of us don't find babies cute or appealing - why not save the cuddles for those who appreciate them!

SquidgeyMidgey · 09/04/2016 08:03

Your friends are offended? I'm guessing it's their firstborn, they need to get over themselves a bit. I don't like holding babies either, though I've had a few of my own and you couldn't prise them away from me. Some people just don't like snoogling, it just does nothing for me but in the 'need to pee' scenario I would to help.

ilovesooty · 09/04/2016 08:04

Glad you've rethought your position. I just think your friends are incredibly rude to continue to force the baby on him.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/04/2016 08:06

I used to have to go for a cigarette when I saw colleagues come in with their baby so that there was no way I would have to be near the baby, even if I came back when they were still there.Grin

Abed · 09/04/2016 08:06

If I was DH I'd tell the friends to fuck off if they kept trying to force the baby on me.

NicknameUsed · 09/04/2016 08:07

OH is completely indifferent to other people's children and had never held a baby until DD was born when he was 48. It is utterly unrealistic to expect other people to show any kind of interest in your own child, men especially.

Original poster
Whyissheontheship · 09/04/2016 08:08

I just made him breakfast in bed and apologised.

We are good, he doesn't have to hold the baby I'm going to shut up about it Grin

Thanks for the input

OP posts:
MidniteScribbler · 09/04/2016 08:11

I don't even like holding other people's babies. But if you've got a puppy then you'd better hand it over!

CatsRule · 09/04/2016 08:12

I would have been so grateful if someone didn't want to hold ds as a baby....everyone wanted a shot of the new toy! didn't get treated as a human being, just an accessory for an overbearing grandparent

I just don't get the desire to hold tiny babies other than your own...the baby gets nothing out of it and doesn't want or need to be away from his/her parents.

I do see how it's noce for others to interact with older babies and toddlers and a lot of people feel more comfortable doing this although I've no idea how to talk to other children, ever kids the same age as ds. Totally comfortable with my own, just not with others.

FiveCharactersOrLess · 09/04/2016 08:12

Nickname - I think that's uncalled for, there's no reason anyone, including men especially, can't show an interest in a baby/child (or feign an interest if they have to) if they're NT and don't have any hidden trauma about babies. Everyone, even the menz, should have learnt by adulthood that people's children are a big deal to them and it's polite/sociable to show interest in something someone else loves so much. As I said above though it's very unreasonable to expect that interest to be shown by holding the baby.

DonkeyOaty · 09/04/2016 08:13

I reckon DH is unwilling to hold the baby because he KNOWS that phrases along lines of "ooh it SUITS you" "you're a NATURAL" will be uttered. Amiright?

Abed · 09/04/2016 08:15

Oh gawd Donkey, I get that whenever I hold the wifes cousin's latest baby Hmm

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/04/2016 08:15

I don't even like holding other people's babies. But if you've got a puppy then you'd better hand it over!

Ah I remember someone bringing their puppy into work so we could meet him - that was awesome 😁