To wonder if there is any compromise when parents disagree on smacking?

[Waitrosesaysimessential]

Dh and I disagree on smacking - he is for it, I think it is pointless, and that there are better ways of managing behaviour. We have three under 5 and it is getting me down as we continually argue about it. We were both smacked as kids, and tbh I thought nothing of it until i had my own. I have had the urge to smack at times but restrained as i think it is quite cruel. I also dont understand how it is ok for me to smack my small child, while if i smacked an adult it would be assault! My dh says there is no evidence of harm, and says yelling is more harmful.

How do we compromise on this issue? He is adament our kids would behave better if i smacked them, instead of the current system of star chart and sent to room for bad behaviour. He has smacked our kids, never much but i find it horrible. I also feel it is kind of lazy, like he cannot be bothered to think of another punishment. His parents are all for smacking, and his ds did it to her own. My friends are all against, they see it as quite outdated and pointless.

Any ideas would be welcome as it is really putting a strain on us, despite years of discussion. Thank you

Not at all pearly. Just that it is pointless to start slinging around names and accusations when none of us are actually in a position of influence over the law. I would never condone hurting a child. Smacking should be done only when a childs behaviour is a danger to them or others or as a last resort when other methods have failed.

But 'smacking' by definition is hurting a child

I havenMt read the thread. How many smacker's children have run out into traffic and/or put their fingers in electric plugs yet? It's amazing how they do that- like a particular evolutionary side branch........

It's one of those laws that develop the same in all countries, at different speeds. First women and children become people rather than property, it becomes illegal to rape, then to beat a wife. It becomes illegal to beat children madly, then all forms of physical abuse become illegal. We're almost there in the UK. Some countries are further along the route, some lag behind.

Unless a totalitarian regime takes over, countries do not usually regress on this. In light of this, child hitters (or smackers if you prefer a minimising term) should widen their parenting arsenal in preparation. Unless their kids are unlucky and will be 18 by the time this kind of assault is outlawed.

But you do condone hurting a child alexa. By your own admission.

So why is it OK to hit a child and not an adult- or a dog for that matter?

"a danger to them or others or as a last resort when other methods have failed." Forgive me for second guessing- but I don't swallow that one.

I am a carer for my elderly disabled mother. She often steps into the road when it is not safe. Should I hit her?

paxillin- again in total agreement.

I think you have to try to convince your DH to discipline otherwise, but at the end of the day I am not sure what you can do if he insists. he is as much entitled to make parenting decisions as you are.Even if you split up over this it will not solve the problem, because he will smack them when he has them.

You are right, you hitting your mum would be equally grotesque as child smacking, pearly. I think even the child beaters would know this to be illegal.

Alexa is your IQ really that low that you can only fathom lashing out at your own child like a wild animal than actually you know... Parenting that child? You teach with words, not with violence.

I only know three sorts of smackers in rl. Firstly really traditional people in small places that got left behind economically and culturally. Secondly, tyrannical people. Thirdly, stressed out, overworked, barely coping, this type usually has social workers to help them raise the kids. Type 3 need all the help and understanding they can get, type 2 should be in prison, type 1 will learn with time.

See bongo this is why I don't think some topics should be open to debate. Mumsnet has proven that they cannot debate a topic without devolving into insults.

Again I will reiterate that smacking is less effective the more it is used. So yes you use other methods and when they are repeatedly failing and said child is still sticking their fingers into dangerous places a sharp swat to the backside will usually ensure that they keep the aforementioned fingers firmly attached and out of the door hinges/plug sockets/gas fire etc.

I just can't see how this is abusive. If you hit them hard enough to mark or make them cry then yeah that is wrong. But I'd never smack in anger. A quick sting is all they should feel. Less than an adult should get from a joy buzzer. It should surprise them and sting for a second. That's all. If it hurts them any more than that then that is not smacking, its hitting. There's a difference.

Well, the power of Mumsnet...I showed the thread to dh last night and he has been persuaded that his view is not right. Thank you!

Wow, OP. That's great!

Whatever alexa you're clearly deluded.

Glad the two of you have agreed op.

Super, OP .

Alexa444, thesaurus (Oxford dictionaries) synonyms for smack: slap, blow, spank, cuff, clout, thump, punch, rap, swat, thwack, crack, informal whack, clip, biff, wallop, swipe, bop, belt, bash, sock

I'm thinking the same about you bongo. But at least I have remained polite and friendly. I think very little of people who can't disagree with someone without making it a personal attack.

Pax AIBU is not in the thesaurus yet here we are.

I think very little of people who hit their children.

You are somebody who thinks assaulting children (but not so much there will be evidence) is ok. You try to minimise your violence by calling it "smacks". That is why I posted it, Alexa.

We are mammals, and mammals use smacking to discipline their young. It does not have to be an "assault", nor is the term "child beaters" justified. A smack is just a mild warning of consequences.

Most mammals shit wherever they go, too. I don't.

No pax, you just spout it on here.

Pmsl.