AIBU to think my sons consultant shouldnt have tried to give my children money?

[jemima39]

I had an appointment today with my 5 year old sons paediatrician, and took my 2 year old daughter with me, he paid more attention to her, commenting on how cute she was and stroking her hair and then as both kids behaved relatively well he tried to give them some change from his pocket. While I feel his intentions were just be nice and reward them I'm uncomfortable when I'm trying to teach my kids not to accept things from strangers especially my 5 year old as his disability means he has very little sense of danger. He is a middle aged indian chap and I gather giving change to small children is very popular in indian culture after talking to a few people about this but is it the right thing for a Doctor in a hospital to be doing?

I can understand his behaviour is not the norm but the fact he did this In
front of you makes it obvious he was doing it as a kind gesture. To report him seems like a really cruel and unnecessary thing do imo and I really hope you wouldn't even consider it? Can't grasp why anyone would

It's an old East End thing too if my older relatives are anything to go by. I don't really see the harm in it, maybe he felt he wanted to reward them for behaving well at the consultation and didn't have stickers.

The stranger danger is a completely bizarre angle to come at it from since it sounds like you'd have been fine if he had given something else. And he's not a stranger. And you were there.

I don't think it's odd really, though yes as a paediatric consultant or anyone working with children then you do have to adhere to safeguarding rules or people like you get twitchy!

In my day it was v usual for elderly people to give kids money and sweets. It's happened once or twice with my kids over the years.

I think it's old fashioned rather than cultural.

Poor bloke

God no, there's no need to make a complaint

Why on earth would you want to complain about someone doing a nice kind thing?

Old fashioned but well meaning I am often tempted to give money to well behaved kids. I grew up in a village and good behaviour or good deeds deeds often meant a ten pee piece to spend in the sweetie shop

My GP when I was little used to have a jar of jelly babies on his desk for the child patients. He also used to put some in an envelope when my dad had an appointment to pass on to me! He was lovely and a uni friend of my granddad so I guess it wasn't odd in that context.

No, I wouldn't make a complaint either

I would have made it clear at the time that I couldn't allow my children to accept money

I wonder if he's the same paed as us. Not Dr S is it?!

My children have been given the odd 50p, 20p by elderly strangers on the bus, particularly when they've been very well behaved. They say thank you, I say "Oh thank you, you needn't have. We'll stop at the shop on the way home for some sweeties."

It's never occured to me to feel weird about it. Maybe in this instance he'd run out of sugar-free lollipops or whatever but wanted to be kind.

My sister had a couple of operations on her thyroid as a child and her consultant used to give her money every time she saw him. I was really jealous. That was in London in the early 90's.

But yeah one way to ensure he feels extremely embarrassed and hurt and ensure he never, ever does anything like it again would be to complain or send him a 'letter'.

How sad.

My teacher used to give us all a threepenny piece when it was our birthday.

A lo-o-ong time ago!

It sounds very circular to say this is unprofessional because if you do it you might be considered unprofessional. Where's the logic there?

It's like making it a crime to wear blue because only criminals wear blue. How do we know - well look, all those people wearing blue are breaking the law, so they must be criminals!

Agree that this used to be normal in the UK too - it was much more common a generation ago. Visiting adults/passing acquaintances of my parents often used to give me money as a child, even if they had never met me before. Now this would be considered quite weird and dodgy, I think.

Yes this was quite normal when I was a child in the 70s. Mostly elderly people elderly ladies you just met would give you a 5p piece or come up to a mum with a pram and give her a small amount of money for the baby. But often people generally too - friend of parents might give you a 20p or a pound coin, for example. I don't know when this stopped generally, but an elderly gentleman in Boots tried to give my DD a five pound note when she was about 18 months -- he was clearly ill and keep pressing it upon us, and in the end he was so upset that we were refusing it that I took it and thanked him (and donated it to charity afterwards). I think for some elderly people they don't quite understand why you would refuse it these days, as it was definitely seen as a kind gesture a generation ago. I agree that what the consultant did was inappropriate but I think it was probably well-meant.

Giving money to children when you are in a position of power and responsibility is unprofessional. There is nothing circular about it.

Safeguarding guidelines are quite clear and he is breaking them.

I don't really see the issue. I think a doctor giving a toddler a lollipop would be far worse.

It is definitely something older generation not cultural. I was in court with a child and his mum for a hearing (civil approval of damages) and afterwards older judge who has now retired gave the child a shiny £1 coin.

It doesn't matter one jot if people on this thread cannot see the issue.

Giving money to children in your care is a safeguarding no-no

I can understand your discomfort as its not usual in this age because of the huge fear that has built up over stranger danger. But I also find it very sad that human kindness and admiration for your lovely children should be regarded like this.

If you didn't feel there was anything untoward in his attention (and let's face it , it was open and in your presence, then I would not say anything but accept it as a cultural difference.

I did loads of safeguarding courses in my time and no one has ever mentioned giving children money or stickers. Do doctors have guidance on interacting with children?

AnyFucker Why is giving money to children when you're in a position of power and responsibility unprofessional? What is the negative outcome that is anticipated?

If there's no negative outcome, if it's simply unprofessional because it has been designated unprofessional, then it is circular.

I work with children and families.

Eyebrows would be massively raised if I gave children in my care money. With or without their parents present.