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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my sons consultant shouldnt have tried to give my children money?

133 replies

jemima39 · 08/04/2016 17:22

I had an appointment today with my 5 year old sons paediatrician, and took my 2 year old daughter with me, he paid more attention to her, commenting on how cute she was and stroking her hair and then as both kids behaved relatively well he tried to give them some change from his pocket. While I feel his intentions were just be nice and reward them I'm uncomfortable when I'm trying to teach my kids not to accept things from strangers especially my 5 year old as his disability means he has very little sense of danger. He is a middle aged indian chap and I gather giving change to small children is very popular in indian culture after talking to a few people about this but is it the right thing for a Doctor in a hospital to be doing?

OP posts:
amarmai · 08/04/2016 18:13

op if you do not like this ,contact the hospital complaints and report it. you do not need mners minimising something to do with YOUR dcc.

eatyouwithaspoon · 08/04/2016 18:13

An elderly chap who lived near me always used to give my children coins as its supposed to be lucky or something, I thought it was sweet. Ok it may not have been all that appropriate for a cons to do but I would leave it you obviously dealt with it at the time, it's no big issue and sounds like he was being kind.

TruJay · 08/04/2016 18:14

I think it may be a cultural thing, my mum's neighbours at her old house were enthralled with my dc, both white blonde and ice blue eyes. They get a lot of attention from Asian/Indian people and they often say they can't believe the colour of their eyes and hair. The neighbours gave both my dc a note when they were born, I tried to refuse but they were adamant. They made sure to place it in dc's actual hand (newborn) and not mine and said a small prayer, it was actually quite lovely.
Sorry completely went off on one there Hmm

In the circumstances you describe I think I too would be a bit uncomfortable as wouldn't want dc to think it ok to take off strangers, I don't think I would do anything about it though. I would explain to dc that we don't accept off strangers though and cannot trust everyone, something like that.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 08/04/2016 18:17

It is odd these days.

But I remember as a child my GP used to give me 10p after most visits. Sometimes a lolly but often 10p.

Ciggaretteandsmirnoff · 08/04/2016 18:18

Maybe he was in a good mood and was finishing early!

clam · 08/04/2016 18:19

Well, it could have been worse! When we were children, my grandmother's next-door-neighbour used to invite us kids to feel in his trouser pockets for silver sixpences. We thought this was perfectly normal, until we related the "charming family anecdote" in later years to dh and bil. They were Shock and we suddenly realised it was probably a bit odd after all.

SmallLegsOrSmallEggs · 08/04/2016 18:22

imeg I lost count the number of people who hanselled my bairns (twins). It is very common up North. You put silver in the hands of babies. But it is babies usually.

A consultant is a bit different. Maybe his stickers had run out Confused
I get what you mean about strangers but it is a bit different if you are there.

WannaBe · 08/04/2016 18:24

I think the idea of not accepting things from strangers is more to do with when they're approached in the street on their own, no? This consultant is presumably the child's consultant and isn't therefore a stranger is he?

The world has gone quite mad.

But yes, why not make a complaint instead of listening to people minimising anything to do with your precious children (to quote a poster upthread) exactly what is happening to the OP's children? Shock horror, they were given a coin each. Shock Shock stranger danger, pedo and immigrant all mashed into one post.

Ciggaretteandsmirnoff · 08/04/2016 18:25

clam Shock

LostMyBaubles · 08/04/2016 18:27

My kids arw forever getting money from strangers- not strangers to me but to them (they hadnt seen most of them but most were from the community in fact some I didnt know but they knew mum dad etc)

I think its more he probably didnt have any stickers left and wanted to reward the dc for being well behaved.

Sometimesithinkimbonkers · 08/04/2016 18:27

If you have an elder DC with disabilities they will always pay attention to the younger one ... To see if similar traits!
The money thing is odd!

BoomBoomsCousin · 08/04/2016 18:27

I don't see why it's inappropriate, it's a slight cultural difference. It's not significantly different from giving out stickers accept that parents here are used to stickers.

Couldn't you just have said "Of I'm trying to teach them not to accept things from strangers." and left it at that? Otherwise a letter to the hospital outlining what was so terrible about it might bring about the change you seek.

AnyFucker · 08/04/2016 18:28

if you work in the NHS it is drummed into you that doing stuff like this is a no-no

nothing to do with stranger danger, pedo or immigrant bashing

Dieu · 08/04/2016 18:28

Sigh. I honestly wouldn't think twice.

MsMommie · 08/04/2016 18:29

India is not it the Middle East.
Maybe he was just being nice?

lorelei9here · 08/04/2016 18:29

Indian mother
never heard of this in my life

also completely unacceptable at the doc. I would complain.

BoomBoomsCousin · 08/04/2016 18:31

What is it to do with AnyFucker? I don't see the difference really between this and stickers.

Orda1 · 08/04/2016 18:32

Do you mean ginger? What does strawberry blonde actually mean?

I think it's fine, he was just being kind.

AnyFucker · 08/04/2016 18:34

well, Boom

I think that people who have an issue with this were being accused of being OTT about stranger danger, "pedos" and in favour of immigrant bashing

when this is actually about protecting your own professional reputation and not putting yourself in the firing line for any accusations of impropriety

saoirse31 · 08/04/2016 18:36

Seriously? He wasn't a stranger, he was with you....you'd gone with them to see him. Giving money to kids is traditional in v many countries. Can't see any issue...

CheshireChat · 08/04/2016 18:39

It's a generational/ cultural thing, my son sometimes receives £1 from older people and a nice Chinese chap told me it's lucky to stroke a blond baby's head Smile. And another Chinese lady said it's lucky for DS as well especially since I have very dark hair.
So while I agree it's 'odd', it's not necessarily a bad thing.

Sixweekstowait · 08/04/2016 18:39

Please don't complain - that seems so mean spirited and disproportionate. If you feel you should do something, then do what is suggested above - send him a note ( marked confidential). I'm also a bit Shock about all these comments about strangers - don't you know the statistics for who abuses and harms children most? People they BLOODY know.!

scotsgirl64 · 08/04/2016 18:40

all NHS employees have mandatory training about safeguarding/child protection issues and this is certainly not OK for this professional to be doing this....if only for his own sake

Floggingmolly · 08/04/2016 18:42

It's cultural in Ireland too, particularly for newborns. But not in a professional set up. Imagine a teacher handing out cash to their favourite kids. Would that be ok?

missbishi · 08/04/2016 18:43

Orda am pretty sure it means light ginger. Or blonde with ginger tones.

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