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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to thing I shouldn't have to see or touch it?

66 replies

foranangel · 07/04/2016 04:27

First time posting on this topic so be kind. Sorry if this is TMI but its what I am experiencing at the moment.

We have fallen on hard times recently so I have swallowed my pride and have picked up a bit of cleaning in our local village. It started off with one friend who passed my details to another friend etc etc. I am now working about 15 hours a week while my little ones are at school.

There is one lady I work for who appears to be struggling a little. I go there once a fortnight for 3 hours and typically there will be a weeks worth of washing up to get through before I get to do anything else. The place is a tip I spend a fair amount of time tidying and picking toys etc off the floors so I can get the hoover round - and thats fine she is paying me after all! But I am struggling with the dirty (poo) nappies lying round the rooms I am cleaning, the used tampons thrown at the bin rather than in the bin, used condoms in various waste paper bins throughout the house, and the worst today...as I peel back her sheets to change the bed linen.. an enormous recently used dildo! I mean - I understand that it is their private bedroom etc etc - but AIBU to think I shouldn't have to see it, let alone touch it (to obviously move it so I can make the bed)? Couldn't it be discreetly placed in a drawer so I don't have to see it or move it? I just think it is too much.

To be honest I don't think I can go back but I am wondering what I can say. Obviously all the families I work for are connected in some way and I couldn't say I had found a job in my field as she would know that I was still with the other families. I thought about saying I had hurt my back but of course I would still be working for the other families so that wouldn't work. I wouldn't bring up why really as don't want to cause embarrassment.

They are seemingly otherwise nice people although her son has made a few comments that she has just let go like "make sure you clean my bedroom really well." He is 4 so I let it go to but WWYD?

In a previous life we had cleaners and would clean and tidy before they arrived so I realise I might be expecting too much but AIBU???

OP posts:
Penfold007 · 07/04/2016 04:50

YANBU to not go back. They have zero respect for you. I'd just tell her that you are no longer able to clean for them. If she insists on an explanation just tell her that used tampons, condoms and sex toys are not your problem.

Fauchelevent · 07/04/2016 04:51

Just be honest - polite but firm. You are having to deal with a lot of personal hygiene items not being properly disposed and you'll have to terminate the agreement unless the situation improves.

No point lying because you'll get caught out. Just tell her.

Notimefortossers · 07/04/2016 05:11

YANBU at ALL! That's so gross. And I say that with my judgey pants firmly hoisted. I think it's very sad that a small child is living like that with condoms and sex toys strewn about!

I'd love a cleaner in one respect, but one of the things that stops me getting one is that I'd be committed (in my mind anyway) to having to have a big tidy up, sort out on a specific day every week ready for their arrival and what if I don't feel like it/don't get time?! And our mess is nowhere near what you describe, but I'd be embarrassed to let a stranger see it!

I think a cleaner is their to clean, not tidy.

MushroomMama · 07/04/2016 05:20

Do you work on a specific day on this once a fortnight? I would make up a place I had absolutely be at so like a kids club or a regular dental/doctors/washing my hair appointment.

Some people are grim and totally oblivious to it. I used to have a cleaner when I was very ill she used to do my washing up and the hoovering everything else my dh did or my carers even then sanitary stuff was binned before anyone turned up.

BettyBi0 · 07/04/2016 05:35

YANBU - they sound horrendous and so disrespectful. Unfortunately I doubt very much that they would change.

I'd give them notice and then leave saying that you were cutting back on your working hours or something like that. When you get a replacement client through the other networked families she is unlikely to find out and if she does it's none of her business. As long as you've given her good notice and always been polite she'll have no grounds for bad mouthing you. If you offend her by mentioning how incredibly blooming disgusting she and her family have been, then you risk her threatening your good reputation.

Original poster
foranangel · 07/04/2016 05:53

BettyBi0 I would NEVER risk embarrassing her or myself by mentioning it so all good there.

OP posts:
Chottie · 07/04/2016 05:55

I would give them notice too and say you were no longer available on that day / time. As you live in a small place, it could cause major problems for you if you call her on the mess / disgusting personal habits.

acasualobserver · 07/04/2016 06:07

I agree, work your notice - although it might be worth taking a few pics for 'insurance' purposes while you do. One thing I have to ask though: would you have felt differently if the recently used dildo had not been "enormous"?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 07/04/2016 06:25

Grim. She obviously knows she's throwing used tampons near the bin rather than inside. She obviously doesn't care. I wouldn't bother giving a reason, maybe say after X.X.XX I'm not going to be able to clean for you. I don't think you owe her much notice unless there's a contract.

Original poster
foranangel · 07/04/2016 06:26

No - acasualobserver the size of the thing is irrelevant really. I mentioned enormous as I took a split second to figure out what the blooming thing was!!

OP posts:
Penfold007 · 07/04/2016 06:33

I really wouldn't make up a reason to justify my leaving, she knows full well that she isn't disposing of used tampons correctly and that she expects the hired help to pick them up alongside her used sex toy and her child's dirty nappy.

Afreshstartplease · 07/04/2016 06:45

How disgusting that she expects a cleaner to pick these things up!

BarbaraofSeville · 07/04/2016 06:47

To me it sounds like either:

She is depressed or has other health problems and doesn't notice and/or care.

She is extremely bloody minded and trying to prove a point to a slobby partner/DCs - ie she has gone on strike and refused to pick up after them all. It is quite telling that your post is all about her, despite there being a family living in the house. Why hasn't the partner picked up all the nappies, sex toys etc if she hasn't?

She is a slob who doesn't know that the point of a cleaner is to clean not tidy.

But any way it sounds like she wants to change as she has employed you so it would appear that the best way would be to discuss whether it is a cleaner she wants/needs or actually a housekeeper/help with decluttering and then go from there. Try and ascertain which of the above scenarios applies and definitely leave if she is a lazy slob, but otherwise talk to the partner and any older DCs if it is either of the first two. Or you could just make an excuse about having taken on too many clients and she is the one you have to drop for some reason (location, clash with something else).

Booboostwo · 07/04/2016 06:58

None of this is acceptable. Once a fortnight is not often enough, the house will be quite dirty for you to cope with in 3 hours. They are a particularly disgusting family, not tidying up all the toys is silly as it will just take up your time to do it, but leaving around tampons, condoms and dildos is unacceptable. The way the little boy spoke to you is also unacceptable. I appreciate young children often say things they shouldn't, but did the parents pick him up on it? We have a nanny/cleaner and my 5yo would never be allowed to say anything like that or give her orders or criticise her work or anything similar. If she did, I would intervene immediately.

I think you need to hand in your notice, don't get involved in reasons or discuss it with anyone else. You can choose who you work for and you don't want to work for this family.

PPie10 · 07/04/2016 07:02

Yanbu op, what a disgusting household. That woman sounds absolutely vile, how disrespectful of her to think cleaner = treating someone like a dog. As for her 4yo, little shit is picking up on his parents ways. Actually I would say this is not what you were expecting and you won't be able to do it anymore.

AgathaF · 07/04/2016 07:17

Can you say that there is more to do at their house than the current time slot allows, and you are unable to take on further hours?

MyBreadIsEggy · 07/04/2016 07:29

I would just be honest.
I've worked as a cleaner on the military base where my husband works. As a general rule, if we came across anything in the barrack blocks that could be deemed hazardous to our health and safety ie. Broken glass in bin bags, anything "bodily fluid related" that wasn't in the toilet bowl, bin bags that were too heavy for us to lift etc, would get cleaned up, and a notice would be put up near the offending item explaining why it had not been removed by the cleaner.
The person you are working for is, quite frankly, a disgusting human being. She is clearly aware of the used tampons/condoms/sex toys just lying around, and the fact that she has a child living in the same house is vile.

MyBreadIsEggy · 07/04/2016 07:30

wouldn't get cleaned up* that should say!!

Pinkvici22 · 07/04/2016 07:34

You are definitely not unreasonable - I always tidy before the cleaner comes. My view is that she cleans and is not there to pick up after us/put away. A lot of what you mention is gross and unhygienic and I don't know how she's not embarrassed!!

George2014 · 07/04/2016 07:36

Urgh what disgusting people.

Out of interest, what did you do when you found the stuff? Did you clear it up or leave it where it was?

I'd just tell her you are no longer able to work there.

BigChocFrenzy · 07/04/2016 07:39

YANBU
The adults sound disgusting. They have a complete lack of respect for you.
Just give notice politely, no details, no drama. If asked: "It doesn't work for me"
Sounds like you could find somewhere else to clean in those hours - no need to say to either family why you decided to switch.

BigChocFrenzy · 07/04/2016 07:41

I always tidy before my cleaners come, so they only have to clean. There is never anything disgusting left lying around my house anyway

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 07/04/2016 07:43

That's really grim.

No I wouldn't go back and I'd say I was unavailable to clean for them anymore, if asked why.

ChickedyandChick · 07/04/2016 07:56

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DanglyEarOrnaments · 07/04/2016 07:58

We are a cleaning business and it is written within our terms that any home our cleaners attend must be prepared for cleaning on the day of the cleaning visit ie the floors and surfaces included within the scope of the clean must be picked up and clear the kitchen sink must be clear of washing up (but we will do up to 5 pots as a kindness, this is not within the service sold) and we must not be exposed to bio-hazadous waste since we are not trauma cleaners - which is a whole separate industry, trauma cleaners charge hundreds of pounds for a reason and they carry the correct protective clothing and equipment.

Domestic cleaners should not be exposed to bi-hazardous waste full stop. We all know how to clean a toilet safely and there should be nothing else of that nature to deal with. Our staff know that if they come across a job-site as you describe they do not have to attend the work they can call me and the client will be taken off our schedule immediately. We are so busy we will just use the space for the next client to call.

As for the clients being linked by a friendship group, this is always the problem when a client acts against your terms and they are linked to other clients. I would not tell the truth but in your shoes, as an individual cleaner, I would do as suggested above and say you are no longer available that day due to an on-going appointment. You don't have to give notice, you are self-employed not their employee, you can leave instantly, you owe these people nothing, cleaners will always have a choice of clients who will show them the respect they deserve if not treasure them, and as pp has stated, these people have no respect for you and deserve none back.