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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to thing I shouldn't have to see or touch it?

66 replies

foranangel · 07/04/2016 04:27

First time posting on this topic so be kind. Sorry if this is TMI but its what I am experiencing at the moment.

We have fallen on hard times recently so I have swallowed my pride and have picked up a bit of cleaning in our local village. It started off with one friend who passed my details to another friend etc etc. I am now working about 15 hours a week while my little ones are at school.

There is one lady I work for who appears to be struggling a little. I go there once a fortnight for 3 hours and typically there will be a weeks worth of washing up to get through before I get to do anything else. The place is a tip I spend a fair amount of time tidying and picking toys etc off the floors so I can get the hoover round - and thats fine she is paying me after all! But I am struggling with the dirty (poo) nappies lying round the rooms I am cleaning, the used tampons thrown at the bin rather than in the bin, used condoms in various waste paper bins throughout the house, and the worst today...as I peel back her sheets to change the bed linen.. an enormous recently used dildo! I mean - I understand that it is their private bedroom etc etc - but AIBU to think I shouldn't have to see it, let alone touch it (to obviously move it so I can make the bed)? Couldn't it be discreetly placed in a drawer so I don't have to see it or move it? I just think it is too much.

To be honest I don't think I can go back but I am wondering what I can say. Obviously all the families I work for are connected in some way and I couldn't say I had found a job in my field as she would know that I was still with the other families. I thought about saying I had hurt my back but of course I would still be working for the other families so that wouldn't work. I wouldn't bring up why really as don't want to cause embarrassment.

They are seemingly otherwise nice people although her son has made a few comments that she has just let go like "make sure you clean my bedroom really well." He is 4 so I let it go to but WWYD?

In a previous life we had cleaners and would clean and tidy before they arrived so I realise I might be expecting too much but AIBU???

OP posts:

MyLocal · 07/04/2016 08:04

I think it would be far more helpful to her and your future reputation with other clients to very nicely and assertively say "I really am sorry, but picking up faeces soiled nappies, used sanitary protection, condoms and sex toys isn't what I do, happy to continue cleaning for you if you want me to, but these things need to be dealt with by you or your family"

She isn't going to tell your other clients that you won't work for her because she has unacceptable personal hygiene issues.

I really do feel though that this is a mental health issue rather than her just being mucky, so kindness and clear boundaries all the way.

StealthPolarBear · 07/04/2016 08:05

Yes I agree with a pp just say the job can't be done in the hours and you can't increase your hours at this stage.

TinyTear · 07/04/2016 08:16

i have a cleaner for 3 hours every fortnight. it is enough as it is not the only cleaning in the house, we top up during the weeks ourselves, but every 2 weeks i want the bathrooms and kitchen to have a deep clean and the stairs to be hoovered which is hard when i work full time and my kids are scared of it...

but we don't even ask her to empty the bins as they come mid-week and bin day is monday, so we do it ourselves!

Original poster

foranangel · 07/04/2016 08:18

DanglyEarOrnaments Thank you. Seems like sound advice. Yes - I do work for myself and don't need to give notice.

BarbaraofSeville as far as I know there is no husband or partner that lives with her. No mens products in the bathroom no male clothing lying around. Hence referring to "her" and not "them".

OP posts:

VulcanWoman · 07/04/2016 08:20

Sounds like you've got plenty of work in your village, so as PP have said definitely don't go back, you shouldn't have to put up with that, disgusting. I like the suggestion of "too many personal items to remove before being able to clean", she might realise, doubt it though, dirty cow.

Delacroix · 07/04/2016 09:23

Isn't a faeces-nappy-strewn house a bit of a Social-Services kind of issue? It usually signifies a breakdown of hygiene norms and is where help starts to be required.

BarbaraofSeville · 07/04/2016 09:35

foranangel I took mention of the condoms that there was a male partner living there, but can see that nothing you wrote says that he actually lives there.

But I still think the consensus on this thread shows what I think is an odd attitude on here that there is no excuse for not having a clean house.

If the OP had said that her friend/colleague/neighbour never cooked and fed her children rubbish, she would have been told to mind her own business and all the reasons for not cooking like affordability, depression, time, special needs, lack of inclination, uncooperative partner etc etc would have been citied.

But it seems that it is never acceptable for these exact same reasons to cause a person to not keep a home clean at all time .

Ughnotagain · 07/04/2016 09:38

That's awful. It's one thing to need a cleaner - I reckon I could do with one from time to time - but I would always make sure anything of that nature was properly disposed of. Or put away, in the case of the dildo!

YANBU at all to never go back. But I would definitely speak to her and make it clear that it's for hygiene reasons.

QueenArseClangers · 07/04/2016 09:45

Dirty fucker.

MyBreadIsEggy · 07/04/2016 09:48

Barbara there's a big difference between having an untidy, dirty-ish home because people don't have the time to keep it pristine, and having dirty nappies, dirty tampons and used condoms strewn about the place especially when there is a child living in the home!

ivykaty44 · 07/04/2016 09:50

Leave the offending article upright on bedside table...

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 07/04/2016 09:51

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RattieOfCatan · 07/04/2016 09:52

YANBU. Drop it, don't even give a reason, just drop the job. I do some household tidying/cleaning in my self employed work (I'm a nanny/housekeeper but I do it on an ad-hoc basis as well as for my permanent family) and I make a point of blacklisting families who do less disgusting things. It's not worth the money, you are not their skivvy you are a professional cleaner.

SuburbanRhonda · 07/04/2016 10:01

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Original poster

foranangel · 07/04/2016 10:20

ExtraHotLatteToGo

Sorry - definitely not a wind up unfortunately.

BarbaraofSeville - I agree with you to an extent. An untidy or messy house isn't terrible. And doesn't instantly mean she is mentally ill as someone said earlier in the thread. My issue is that, even in my realm as a cleaner, I feel cleaning other peoples bodily fluids isn't something I can or should be expected to deal with.

OP posts:

InTheBox · 07/04/2016 10:34

I can't believe that she'd leave those things strewn about the place where a young child could find them let alone a cleaner.
I'd just tell her point blank.

glamorousgrandmother · 07/04/2016 10:42

I have a cleaner and don't see tidying up or washing dishes as part of her job. I want her to hoover, dust and give the bathrooms a good going over. Anything that needs doing in between her visits we do ourselves. The same cleaner goes to my Dad's but won't go if my (very messy) sister is staying with him with her large dog. She just says there is too much to do while she is there and she can't work properly with the dog around. I totally agree with her and my dad did not take offence either.

DanglyEarOrnaments · 07/04/2016 12:55

Barbara people can keep house as clean or dirty as they like or are able to but if they know someone has to come in to take care of their cleaning they have a duty of care towards that person and their working environment.

It is the choice of the service provider whether or not they will want to work within these circumstances or not and most would choose not to.

DanglyEarOrnaments · 07/04/2016 12:57

I am not making value judgements about the homeowner, and her reasons for being unhygienic , I am just posting in support of the position of the cleaner here, if she doesn't want to provide service to any customer in any circumstance she does not have to go beyond the scope of her own boundaries.

msrisotto · 07/04/2016 13:29

You could bring it up so that she could apologise resolve the situation so you can carry on cleaning for her? I'm wondering if this arrangement isn't working out for us because i'm not equipped to clean up biohazardous waste.
Nah, there's no nice way of approaching this. Just let her know you are unable to continue the arrangement.

Alanna1 · 07/04/2016 20:37

Is there anyone you can discuss this with in real life? Who knows the characters involved? I can see why you are worried for her mental health - I don't think this is normal and I've had a cleaner for years. It is not her job to do what you are having to do (although from time to time one or two of those things might have happened in isolation!!). I tidy before she comes. Good luck - very difficult. I'd think about saying to her that you can't clean in her house and could she please tidy her personal items first and see what happens, but probably she does have mental health issues and there is no easy solution, which leans me towards saying just leave it....

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 07/04/2016 21:04

If this is every time you go round re the shitty nappies and used condoms then I think there is a safeguarding issue here.

isitginoclock · 07/04/2016 21:26

A little off topic but DP and I once accidentally left a vibrator under the sheets on cleaning day. Mortifying. Found it neatly placed on bedside table when I came back from work.

DanglyEarOrnaments · 07/04/2016 21:33

isitgin cleaners are warned this does occur on occasion and to treat with discretion

What we don't accept are filthy, untidy circumstances which void the price agreed and are abusive towards the cleaner attending the house. Our cleaners are treasured by us (and our clients) in most circumstances, we will not put them through anything unpleasant to that degree.

MyKingdomForBrie · 07/04/2016 21:38

Grim. If you really don't want to quit then at least wear latex gloves for her house.

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