Re clueless friend and toddler

[Fleab1te]

Our friend, his girlfriend and their kid(toddler) came to visit recently. I've known him years and he's a lovely bloke but generally clueless about how he/his behaviour affects others. (Others feel this way about him too. We laugh fondly about his ridiculousness ). We've hosted him numerous times and always spoil him with nice meals etc. When we've visited him we're lucky if we get fed and had to go out and buy ourselves sandwiches once. (Just a bit of back story )

I spent ages cleaning, sorting bedding and 10 min after their arrival the place was a shit hole. Our house is the opposite of a toddler haven so I was prepared for some upheaval, but the more I think about it the more pissed off I get about his/their total lack of respect for us and our home. Here is a list of points of rage inducing behaviour:

They left half eaten food (provided by us) about the place(half a satsuma. ..then another one...)

Allowed him to wander around with sick all over his bib then left it on the side for me to wash.

Stomped into the house with muddy boots after a walk through the woods

Changed his nappy on the sofa /on landing (no changing mat) probably dropping traces of shit on to carpet.

Allowed him to bash furniture with his toys.

Allowed him to bang cupboards /drawers at 7 am.

He NEVER brings his own towel as apparently we are a hotel.

And to top it off after they had gone we discovered the most disgusting mess of shit smear in the toilet. He always does this but it's never been this bad and to be honest it tipped me over the edge. I know I might be being precious over the nappy thing, but it drives me nuts how some people seem to think that snot/shit/sick is somehow less disgusting when it's a baby's. We're not parents and don't ever intend to be, so just wondering if our non parentness is causing unreasonable levels of impatience and lack of understanding. Many thanks if you managed to get this far.

Chaps, do be aware that LeaLander suggested earlier: "Another option people use here is to do the [nappy] change in the rear seat or trunk (boot) of their cars while visiting others' homes" - proof (if it were needed) that LeaLander lives on a different planet to the rest of us .

LeaLander, surely you owe it to the human race to adopt as many of the offspring of the great unwashed as you can house, and show us all what superior parenting looks like in other words you are Gina Ford and I claim my £5--

Goady doesn't mean judgey, though there is judging aplenty in your posts.

Generally speaking, goady posts are breathtakingly ignorant or stupid, and aggressive in tone.

I used to be a fabulous parent before I had children. They came with personalities and opinions and it all got very messy. Sorry your thread has been derailed a bit, OP.

Here in the US there is an abysmal 35 percent high school dropout rate.

Not true.

nces.ed.gov/fastfacts/display.asp?id=16

Lealeander congratulations. Never before has someone managed to sound like Donald trump rolled into Gina fucking ford rolled into a witch hunting village rolled into a mad person all at once.

You have two choices essentially. If you want to continue seeing him on a regular basis you can either put up with frankly some slobbish and lazy behaviour, regardless of whether they have a toddler or you can make a joke of it and suggest they stay in a travel lodge etc next time they visit as your house is not at all child friendly. Depends on how much you value him as a friend.

Some of the things you mention are quite trivial- ie, towels and changing nappies, well I change my GDs nappy in our living room but on a changing mat. They are cheap so why not pick one up for them to use when visiting? The shit smeared toilet is simply laziness and maybe they couldn't see anything to clean it with and were too embarrassed to ask. Not a major issue really and dried mud hovers up easily. None of their behaviour would exactly endear them as friends to me but sometimes the loveliest of people are just not bothered about clean/tidy houses so only you can decide if you can overlook this for the sake of maintaining a friendship.

"in other words you are Gina Ford and I claim my £5"

A strong possibility, though I also suspect her of being Ayn Rand.

Just read the previous pages posts and see thread derailed somewhat. Some very judgemental and intolerant people. Children are not machines and they do come with their own little personalities. They also do not come with a set of instructions. The best any of us can do is clean up after them when very little and teach them to respect other people's property so hopefully when they get older they will follow their parents example. However ask a mum with PND who is functioning on just a few hours sleep whether a few biscuit crumbs or mud is important and watch the air turn blue. Anyone who wants a perfect, clean, tidy house all the time may find themselves very lonely.

The Toddler can be exsued, but the family need to show some apprication for putting them up. Ettechete is up most importance, after all you are doing them a favour.Why should they make selfs at home it's not there's to do so. I hope they do something more then just a simple thank you, eg talking you at for a meal and paying for it or buying you a nice glass of wine.

Sorry I mean bottle! "L

Sounds like a normal toddler

But the parents should deal with him. Where is his gf? Are they both slobs ?

You need to tell them

Take shoes off when in the house. Muddy or not

Food at table

Change nappies with towel etc underneath

The only thing that would seriously piss me off would be the skid marks

No need for this at all !!!!

And bloody rude to leave them for you to clean off

Back on point with the original OP, but as far as I'm concerned no, YANBU!! Firstly, I ALWAYS pack a towel, whether its for one night or two weeks, so that's a valid complaint IMO.

Secondly, for a long time my DH and I were "the couple" without kids amongst our friends and family, so I know where you're coming from! but none of their children were allowed by their parents to behave like that, except for my brothers kids...those 4 children were like wild wee beasties and drove the rest of the family crazy as my DSIL just blanked their behaviour. She once said to me as I was getting frustrated with them "...just do as I do, and pretend it's all happening behind a pane of glass..." We are very laid back, but we have our limits!!

And thirdly, whether or not you have kids yourself is irrelevant. What's unreasonable about expecting ANYONE to treat someone/someone else's property respectfully? And the fact you don't have kids means your friend should be even more considerate, you have chosen NOT to put up with all the crap that comes with children. I get frustrated with some really obnoxious parents who have decided to raise their kids a particular way, then inflict their wild unruly children that smear food into carpets/dvd players/facial orifices', punch/bite/push over others kids and generally behave like untamed animals, on other people. They then get all defensive about it as if it's your problem and offended when people don't like spending time with their children.

We have a DS and DD now and although my son (5 yo) was generally quite mellow, my DD (3 yo) is like a tornado and it's hard work, but we try to teach her to look after other peoples things, be gentle and respectful. It's not easy, last week my DD drew all over my friends hallway with a black sharpie, got hold of a pot of banana yellow acrylic paint and poured it all over our living room and (well, she used to) screams when we ask her to eat her snacks at the kitchen table...I will be going over to my friends with a pot of paint and brush at her convenience .

'And thirdly, whether or not you have kids yourself is irrelevant. What's unreasonable about expecting ANYONE to treat someone/someone else's property respectfully?'

Well said areujoyful. As the OP said in her first post, she felt that her friend showed no respect for her or her home by not managing his child's behaviour and generally slobbing around. That's not an acceptable way to behave, and having children is not an excuse for allowing mess and noise to go unchecked. And the toddler can hardly be blamed for what was left behind in the toilet!

I agree with that, and I am the parent of five former toddlers.

I was you once upon a time OP! Oh, those heady days.....

You have just demonstrated why I didn't hang around with anyone who had kids.

Now that I do, I try not to spend too much time with anyone who doesn't.

You might have to write them off for a year or so.

You expect guests to bring towels? WTF? Really?

None of that seems extreme to me. I have two toddlers. The peices of abandoned satsuma in my house are now rotten. That's how I find them, they start smelling eventually. I'm a stop, drop and change girl too. Trust me, I can wrangle a nappy on and off a writhing childerbeast without a hint of poo loosening from their bum to your carpet. As the mother, I'd be annoyed that I'd left the spewed on bib at your place because I'll have fuck all to catch the next bit of yack on the car trip home.

YABU.

Gross

ah crap it's a Zombie Thread

I would be annoyed at any of that, when I visit people I always treat their houses better than my own because it's not fair to expect them to host me at a cost to themselves and then clear up after me too.

I would also always ask about towels and I'm surprised people think that's weird after all the 'ew you share towels and don't book wash them after every use' type posts.

I just wouldn't host again. If pressed I'd say it's more work than it is fun.

God this thread IS FROM MONTHS AGO.

None of that would annoy me, or even register, really but I have had toddlers so my thresholds are higher for noise, mess, nappies, vomit and early morning disturbances.

Just say it's not convenient when they invite themselves over. Maybe when their children are older (if they have anymore) you might find them more acceptable house guests.

I find that non parents tend to see most children as noisy and messy and frankly incomprehensible. I do, too sometimes, but I love mine anyway :)

You don't have to put up with it - enjoy your child-free non-messiness!

Think you indulged this friend too much when he was childless because you found him endearing; now you are being intolerant about everything because of his child and he is suddenly clueless. Half-eaten food, dirty lavatories, muddy boots, lack of towel and occupying the large sofa must have happened BC, (before Child). And seven o'clock is not unreasonable for toddlers!s

"just wondering if our non parentness is causing unreasonable levels of impatience and lack of understanding".
Just that. End of a beautiful friendship, unfortunately. It happens.

YABU! This is my every day life with young DC! How do you know it was sick on the bib? Wasn't it just a bit of dribbled food?
Yes they bang toys against sofas. It is almost unpreventable. If you stop them they only go and do something else equally as destructive. The main sofa is probably the roomiest place in the living room, so they can sit with their DC and control them from being next to them instead of having to get up, walk across the room and pull them away from everything, every time they go for it.

As for shit in the toilet - that is standard even for some adults!

ZOMBIE THREAD ZOMBIE THREAD

THIS IS A THREE MONTH OLD THREAD!!!