Son with older guy

[ninaneedshelp]

Hi all, could do with an opinion or two.

I have two sons, one's 20 and at university and my other's 15, about to turn 16. Recently I found texts on youngest son's phone of a flirty nature from an older guy, this took me by surprise as he hasn't come out to me, but I did always wonder. What shocked me more was that the messages were from someone who sounded awfully familiar, turns out it's a friend of my eldest son that went to school with him.

Now the thread title may be assuming more, but either way, it seems they're quite close. I'm not cross and I love him to bits no matter what, I haven't spoken to him about it yet, but I'm wondering how to? Do I wait for him to come to me or do I sit him down and tell him that I know? If there are any members on here with gay children that have experienced this, your replies would be a great help. And AIBU to be a little worried that he's seeing this older boy? I really don't want to see him getting hurt, but maybe I should stay out of it and let him make his own mistakes? I just feel so conflicted on how to handle this!

I'll point out that for most gay teenagers, there's precious little out there. Your son might be the only guy in his year (as far as he knows) to be gay: where's he going to find somebody to explore this with

The very last message you should be giving him is "theres not much for you to choose from, take anyone who offers, no matter if they are taking advantage of you/too old for you/completely inappropriate for any other reason".

We need teach all our children, boy and girl, gay and straight and all, the same message: look after yourself, have self respect, know your own worth, and be strong. And that 15 year olds don't have sex with adults, full stop.

Fith - that's a great post

Rufus sure, go ahead.

Smarter, I fully agree. My post was obviously not clear that I don't condone young freshly-out gay men (and women!) just going for the nearest available person of the appropriate orientation, regardless of age. I'm just trying to see it from his point of view.

it's with a heavy heart but at "nearly 16" I think that OP ought to leave it, really.

I know it's potentially only a few months' difference but if the boy was in year 10, especially early in year 10, I'd personally be very tempted to steam in with at least the threat of police involvement. but at nearly 16, it's just too messy.