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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Pissed off with friend, is this fair?

125 replies

MintyChops · 03/04/2016 20:58

Ok, had some friends round for lunch with their kids, one of them came on his own with his 3 year old daughter. At one point after lunch we were in our sitting room, kids playing, adults sipping wine and he asked her to stop doing something (can't remember what) and she had a bit of a tantrum and threw the large hat she had in her hand at him. It knocked a glass of red wine all over my relatively new and extremely expensive curtains plus a cushion.

I quickly tried to clean it up, my husband helped me and he........sat there. He did apologise but made no move to help clean up, sent his 3 year old to say sorry to me and advised us to get it dry cleaned then went home. I was very surprised and then later very annoyed that he didn't help sort the mess his daughter made AND didn't offer to pay to have it cleaned. Have I lost perspective on this? I can't imagine not trying to help clean up a mess one of my kids had made and offering to pay for any costs.

To give a bit more background, we have a dog who hates joggers/runners and will try to bite them. A couple of years ago this same friend was in our house, ran past the dog and the dog lunged and ripped his jeans. He was very upset and we offered to buy him a new pair of jeans. He told us it would cost €300 as they were Diesel jeans. We gave it to him even though I thought it was a huge amount of money especially as the jeans were quite old and I have felt odd/a bit resentful about it ever since.

I suppose my question is AIBU for being pissed off that he was willing to take a lot of money from us for something our dog did but not willing to offer to pay the s for something his daughter did?

OP posts:

witsender · 03/04/2016 21:01

Well, he has set the precedent there...give him the bill for dry cleaning or if the stain doesn't come out, a replacement.

Crispbutty · 03/04/2016 21:02

two separate issues but i can understand you comparing them..

today, I expect with you and your husband both sorting it, there wasnt much room for him to do anything, also if you dealt with it immediately, was there any lasting damage anyway?

AliceInUnderpants · 03/04/2016 21:02

He should pay for cleaning.

But your dig bit him? You still have this dog?

Houseworkavoider · 03/04/2016 21:02

Yanbu.
I wouldn't bother with him anymore. Life's too short to hang out with crap people.

FuzzyOwl · 03/04/2016 21:03

I think the issue with the dog is irrelevant but I would apologise, clean and offer to pay if I (or my child) caused any damage.

Whilst I don't think YABU, I wouldn't have extremely expensive curtains and a cushion I was that worried about if I also had children and a dog.

I think you should get it all dry cleaned (although will that remove red wine stains?) and send him the bill or ask him to buy replacements if the stains can't come out.

TimeToMuskUp · 03/04/2016 21:04

Diesel jeans cannot possibly cost 300 Euro. No way. I wear Skinzee by Diesel and have only ever paid maximum £80 for a pair. He fleeced you good and proper.

Misses entire point of thread.

rookiemere · 03/04/2016 21:05

YANBU for being annoyed about this current situation. I would get a quote and send it to him and say that you hope he is ok with paying for it seeing as he suggested it and his DD made the mess.

YABABU for being annoyed about the jeans. Sure they may have been old, but if that's what they cost, then that's what they cost. Also I'd have been terrified to be attached by someone's dog to the extent where they ripped my jeans and therefore not inclined to be magnanimous about the incident.

Zarah123 · 03/04/2016 21:06

YANBU. Call or text him when you know the cost of cleaning or replacing the curtains and tell him how much he owes you. If he balks, remind him that you paid for replacement jeans.

If he refuses, then you need to consider if this person is really a friend.

imeatingthechocolate · 03/04/2016 21:06

i wouldn't clean up expensive items in someone else's house incase i made it worse i would offer to pay the dry cleaning

Zarah123 · 03/04/2016 21:07

Agree with Time that 300€ seems very steep for Diesel jeans.

Crispbutty · 03/04/2016 21:08

blimey thats dear!!

AyeAmarok · 03/04/2016 21:08

Diesel jeans aren't €300, they're half that. He's a chancer.

Present him with the bill for your dry cleaning.

CallMeDollFace · 03/04/2016 21:09

If the stains won't come out with dry cleaning I think I'd claim on my house insurance for replacements.

As for your friend, I'd think about phasing him out. Do you like him?

Original poster

MintyChops · 03/04/2016 21:09

I know, I know, kids, dogs, red wine, curtains etc not a good mix. I saw the material about 8 years ago, fell in love and when my husband got a promotion we bought the material and my mum made them. She made the cushions too. I'm not precious about them, I am realistic that they probably won't escape the toddler years unscathed but I was pissed off that he didn't offer to pay to have them cleaned, especially as he has taken money from us to replace something.

As for the dog, yes we still have him, he's not really relevant here and did not bite him, though he did rip his jeans. I was in two minds about whether to recount that story about him but did so in the interests of setting the scene properly, i.e. He took money from us for something we felt we were responsible for.

OP posts:

RebootYourEngine · 03/04/2016 21:09

Someone spilling something on my furniture would annoyme however if you and your dh were cleaning it he didnt need to as well.

He should have offered to pay to get it cleaned.

Also your dog bit someone? I hope you put it to sleep because a dog who lunges at someone who runs is a dangerous dog. What if one of your dc run passed the dog?

Passmethecrisps · 03/04/2016 21:10

I can understand how the situation happened and it is really one of those things. However, had my dd done this I would have been absolutely mortified and that would have been clear to see. I wouldn't necessarily be able to help with the cleaning but I would probably inadvertently make a nuisance of myself by apologising. I would certainly also offer to pay for cleaning.

So I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. Send him the bill and move on.

Crispbutty · 03/04/2016 21:10

"did not bite him, though he did rip his jeans."

denim takes a fair bit of effort to rip.. supposing he had been wearing shorts, that would have been his skin!

llhj · 03/04/2016 21:11

Lose this mate, he sounds like a right wanker.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/04/2016 21:11

If the stain does not come out, tell him and ask him to pay for the dry cleaning, it's only fair.

EvansAndThePrince · 03/04/2016 21:11

I get why you're comparing though the dog's a bit scary! and think that if you played to replaced his damaged item, he should do likewise. So no, yanbu but I don't know how I'd approach it. If he's not a close friend then I'd be pretty blunt, send him the bill. If he's someone you don't want awkwardness with then I don't know what I'd say .

Spandexpants007 · 03/04/2016 21:13

Get everything dry cleaned and text him with 'it was cheaper then expected to get everything dry cleaned. £xx amount. Can you pop it round this week?'

Original poster

MintyChops · 03/04/2016 21:14

No, I do appreciate that if that is what his jeans would cost to replace then that is what we should pay but it does rather look like we were mugs.

In answer to the question do I like him, if I am honest, he's ok but no more. Thing is, he is part of a larger group of friends who I love and we all see a fair bit of each other so it's tricky. He and his wife are a bit strapped for cash and seem to struggle a bit. I think he is a bit weird about money which I guess is pretty normal if you are worried about it. He would be my least favourite of our group of 8.

OP posts:

Original poster

MintyChops · 03/04/2016 21:16

Wish I hadn't mentioned the bloody dog now!! It was just to put in context that he took money from us for something but didn't think he should offer it to us....

OP posts:

Heidi42 · 03/04/2016 21:16

Well I suppose he could have really made a huge fuss (even bigger than the one he did make ) and reported you to the police for the dogs 'dangerous' behaviour toward him two years ago but to be fair he didn't .I also think perhaps he was genuinely upset and in shock over the dog attacking him .However that apart, he should have helped you clean it up or offered to and to pay for the dry cleaning also in his defense though he was on his own and probably embarrassed and couldn't wait to scarper . He was a cheapskate to take/demand/make you feel guilty to obtain the money off you too .....I don't think there is much mileage left in this friendship tbh and if I were you I would drop him like a stone he sounds a mean selfish pig .

shazzarooney99 · 03/04/2016 21:17

Send him the bill for the dry cleaning.

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