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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Pissed off with friend, is this fair?

125 replies

MintyChops · 03/04/2016 20:58

Ok, had some friends round for lunch with their kids, one of them came on his own with his 3 year old daughter. At one point after lunch we were in our sitting room, kids playing, adults sipping wine and he asked her to stop doing something (can't remember what) and she had a bit of a tantrum and threw the large hat she had in her hand at him. It knocked a glass of red wine all over my relatively new and extremely expensive curtains plus a cushion.

I quickly tried to clean it up, my husband helped me and he........sat there. He did apologise but made no move to help clean up, sent his 3 year old to say sorry to me and advised us to get it dry cleaned then went home. I was very surprised and then later very annoyed that he didn't help sort the mess his daughter made AND didn't offer to pay to have it cleaned. Have I lost perspective on this? I can't imagine not trying to help clean up a mess one of my kids had made and offering to pay for any costs.

To give a bit more background, we have a dog who hates joggers/runners and will try to bite them. A couple of years ago this same friend was in our house, ran past the dog and the dog lunged and ripped his jeans. He was very upset and we offered to buy him a new pair of jeans. He told us it would cost €300 as they were Diesel jeans. We gave it to him even though I thought it was a huge amount of money especially as the jeans were quite old and I have felt odd/a bit resentful about it ever since.

I suppose my question is AIBU for being pissed off that he was willing to take a lot of money from us for something our dog did but not willing to offer to pay the s for something his daughter did?

OP posts:

bloodyteenagers · 05/04/2016 18:13

Haha love all the posts saying bollocks are diesel jeans 300..
£680

bloodyteenagers · 05/04/2016 18:14

Aren't 300 even

LuluJakey1 · 05/04/2016 18:29

I like the OP. Shes decent. Loves her dog, makes sure people don't scare him, paid for the genes. The friend is a bastard. Send hm a bill- he didn't hesitate with you. And don't ask him back.

LittleRedSparke · 05/04/2016 18:31

no - he should definitely pay up - he THREW something which caused the damage.... Its not rocket science

SurroMummy13 · 05/04/2016 18:35

Maybe he feels embarrassed...

You said he was strapped for cash. Maybe he didn't offer because he can't afford it if you did accept the offer?

gingerboy1912 · 05/04/2016 18:37

No I wouldn't ask him for money to clean the curtain etc it was an accident the daughter was made to apologise. But there's no way in hell I would of given anyone 300 £€ for jeans. Clothes are made to be worn furniture is made to be sat on both are at risk of wear n tear.

Doobigetta · 05/04/2016 20:10

I think YABU. He has contacted you again asking if it is sorted, and whether he can do anything more. You've said you won't ask him to pay for the cleaning, and you'll say no if he offers. But originally you said it was the principal and you were annoyed that he hadn't offered to pay. I think you're just choosing to view whatever he does in a negative light because you don't like him, and he can't win.

Original poster

MintyChops · 06/04/2016 12:18

Thanks Lulu, I do think I am pretty decent . I also think I don't like him partly due to dog gate but also, he's just not my sort of person (meanness, he is a bit pompous, talks over people, lack of sense of humour) but I have to put up with him due to the larger friend group. If it weren't for that, I wouldn't be friends with him so I guess that is all at the root of my irritation over this.

OP posts:

fatherpeeweestairmaster · 06/04/2016 12:29

bloodyteenagers are those jeans before or after the dog had a go at them? [gimmer face]

ReginaBlitz · 06/04/2016 12:33

He needs to pay up. Tbh he ripped you off royally with the jeans diesel jeans have never cost anywhere close to £300! You can pick them up for £30 nowadays as they are old news. This person isn't a friend.

ReginaBlitz · 06/04/2016 12:37

Also good point someone made about the dog, sorry but the dog sounds dangerous why the hell do you have it around kids.

Original poster

MintyChops · 06/04/2016 13:25

Regine I'm not asking for more input about the dog thanks.

OP posts:

RidersOnTheStorm · 06/04/2016 13:36

Why not claim the cleaning on your insurance? It's accidental damage.

FrankUnderwoodsWife · 06/04/2016 13:37

Your friend sounds like a knob. Ditch him. And when he asks why, just tell him the truth. That he's a chancing twat who has no manners.

I actually think your dog went for him cos he sensed he was a dick. Well done that dog.

£300 for diesel jeans, what a posing prick

Original poster

MintyChops · 06/04/2016 13:48

If the cleaning bill is massive I could claim it on insurance but it's more about the fact that he didn't offer. It doesn't feel like how a friend would behave.

Frank at the risk of stirring up the "why do you still have the dog, he should be pts etc" brigade, perhaps we should knight him for services to mankind, I.e. Dealing with dicks for us?

OP posts:

FrankUnderwoodsWife · 06/04/2016 13:54

Minty, definitely knight the dog, for sussing out knob friends character, before you realised it.

And the fact your dog has never chomped on a child's leg, makes him even more of a hero.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 06/04/2016 14:08

minty

Did you just want the polite offer to pay to fix that you could then decide to accept or refuse?

AliceInUnderpants · 06/04/2016 14:14

Everyone claiming the jeans wouldn't have cost near 300Euro, have you actually LOOKED?

Spock27 · 06/04/2016 14:33

I had a house party when my parents were on holiday when I was 16 and someone spilled Buckfast all over my parent's cream couch throw. I used 1001 stain remover and it vanished completely, my mum is eagle eyed and to this day doesn't know about it. Also smells better than chucking some white wine on top! It has since removed many stains ranging from cat spew to blue dye on the couch from new wet jeans, ribena, mud, all sorts. You can get it from the supermarket, try that before faffing with dry cleaners!

Spock27 · 06/04/2016 14:36

Oh and this guy sounds like a dick. €300 is a ridiculous amount of money to spend on jeans.

Original poster

MintyChops · 06/04/2016 14:56

He is really good with our kids Frank, much more tolerant than I am plus has put in years of work lurking under the highchair to clean up dropped/ thrown food!

OP posts:

Original poster

MintyChops · 06/04/2016 15:00

Needs I think I wanted the sort of reaction that I would consider to be appropriate in the circumstances. If that had happened in his house I would have tried to help clean up, offered to pay to have them cleaned, offered to take them to the dry cleaners (they are really heavy), dropped round a bottle of (white) wine by way of apology. He didn't do any of these things AND it's not helped by the fact that I don't really like him. I didn't want a polite, hollow, not-meant offer to pay.

OP posts:

Original poster

MintyChops · 06/04/2016 15:01

Spock, thanks for the tip, will try that.....

OP posts:

NeedsAsockamnesty · 06/04/2016 15:57

That makes sense to me, it is the social acceptable way of responding when you have fucked up, when people fuck up and respond in the polite expected way it makes the person on the recieving end of the fuck up feel better

NeedsAsockamnesty · 06/04/2016 15:58

Obviously when it's meant not fixed habit

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