Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pissed off with friend, is this fair?

125 replies

MintyChops · 03/04/2016 20:58

Ok, had some friends round for lunch with their kids, one of them came on his own with his 3 year old daughter. At one point after lunch we were in our sitting room, kids playing, adults sipping wine and he asked her to stop doing something (can't remember what) and she had a bit of a tantrum and threw the large hat she had in her hand at him. It knocked a glass of red wine all over my relatively new and extremely expensive curtains plus a cushion.

I quickly tried to clean it up, my husband helped me and he........sat there. He did apologise but made no move to help clean up, sent his 3 year old to say sorry to me and advised us to get it dry cleaned then went home. I was very surprised and then later very annoyed that he didn't help sort the mess his daughter made AND didn't offer to pay to have it cleaned. Have I lost perspective on this? I can't imagine not trying to help clean up a mess one of my kids had made and offering to pay for any costs.

To give a bit more background, we have a dog who hates joggers/runners and will try to bite them. A couple of years ago this same friend was in our house, ran past the dog and the dog lunged and ripped his jeans. He was very upset and we offered to buy him a new pair of jeans. He told us it would cost €300 as they were Diesel jeans. We gave it to him even though I thought it was a huge amount of money especially as the jeans were quite old and I have felt odd/a bit resentful about it ever since.

I suppose my question is AIBU for being pissed off that he was willing to take a lot of money from us for something our dog did but not willing to offer to pay the s for something his daughter did?

OP posts:
EweAreHere · 03/04/2016 22:11

He's not your friend.

Original poster
MintyChops · 03/04/2016 22:12

He did know about the dog. Dog is old, has separation anxiety, developing cataracts and arthritis and is a terrier so inclined to chase especially in a confined space. We all say walk don't run around him. I know it's not acceptable but I try to manage it. He is also very dear to me and I am very aware that he (friend) could have had him (dog) put down but instead took €300.

OP posts:
honeyroar · 03/04/2016 22:15

I probably wouldn't ask a friend to pay for an accident, but my friends would all be devastated and help clear up/offer to pay. He sounds a pretty selfish person, so I would ask him to pay (let's face it, the bill for cleaning won't even be 10% of what he billed you for his jeans, so don't feel embarrassed).

If he says no tell him you're bringing your dog round!

WeAllHaveWings · 03/04/2016 22:17

Accidents do happen and it was an accident, your dog attacking him wasn't an accident that was negligent as you didn't have your dog under control when you knew it was a risk. It was right you paid his damages, and I hope you have had professionals in to resolve the dogs behaviour issues.

He could have offered to pay to clean your curtains, if it was me I would have thanked him for offering but declined as it was an accident.

ivykaty44 · 03/04/2016 22:18

£325 so you probably weren't ripped of by the jeans price.

I would poyr white wine over the red wine or get Lakeland red wine stain remover

Then send get dry cleaning quote and contact him about paying for the cleaning

Wherediditland · 03/04/2016 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RidersOnTheStorm · 03/04/2016 22:21

8 years old isn't relatively new. He should have offered some money but left it to you to clear up.

AyeAmarok · 03/04/2016 22:29

He's on a tight budget by buys €300 jeans?

Nah, he's a chancer!

Xmasbaby11 · 03/04/2016 22:55

Hmm I think it's understandable he didn't try to clear up - although he should have been mortified and offered. I wouldn't attempt to clean someone else's house without explicit direction about how to do it, what to use etc as people vary so much and you could make it worse.

I agree he should have offered to pay for the damage.

Original poster
MintyChops · 03/04/2016 22:57

Curtains are not 8 years old; I saw the material 8 years ago and waited until we could afford it, about 2 years ago. Sorry if that wasn't clear.

OP posts:
AugustaFinkNottle · 03/04/2016 22:59

It's not exactly an accident, though, is it, given that it was caused by his daughter deliberately throwing something.

Original poster
MintyChops · 03/04/2016 23:00

I have had the same feelings about how much he spends on jeans, Aye, but he can spend his own money how he likes! I just object to now having to spend MY money dry cleaning curtains because of HIS daughter......

OP posts:
HeteronormativeHaybales · 03/04/2016 23:11

He should offer to pay for the cleaning, but I just can't get past the dog Shock I hope you don't have your dc's friends over on playdates. If I knew of this and your casual acceptance that your dog 'hates' and 'will try to bite' anyone running, my dc wouldn't be allowed anywhere near yours. Shock

Scooterloo · 03/04/2016 23:11

My DP spilt wine on my best friend's curtains - cost £100 dry cleaning (very heavy handmade lined curtains) as both had to be done at the same time.

She then borrowed a suitcase and it got broken - she whined about it not being her fault, it was done at the airport etc, and made me feel so bad I told her to leave . I was left without a suitcase. I felt she should just have gone out and replaced it. I was left feeling she had taken advantage of my good nature.

Another friend borrowed some baby equipment. Broke it, then wanted to return it to me broken, but still working. She too, tried to tell me it was ok, didn't need to be replaced. At first, said ok, no worries. Then I thought about other friend and asked her to replace it, as I didn't want to feel she too had taken advantage, which she did. No hard feelings or resentment.

Tell him to pay.

Original poster
MintyChops · 03/04/2016 23:25

Hetero, RTFT. I have said dog is not acceptable. I am not "casually" accepting of him. Also, he is not the point of this thread.

*Scooter" these are also very heavy (interlinked to keep draughts out) curtains. You have hit th nail on the head, I feel like he is taking advantage of m good nature.

OP posts:
Original poster
MintyChops · 03/04/2016 23:26

Interlined, not interlinked. Bloody autocorrect.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 04/04/2016 07:29

Just meet him away from your home. Mabey meet a few of tge group you really like, and you don't have to be close just because he is part of a wider circle of friends you really like. It would be unfair to invite them all and leave him out, but just a few friends at a time. Yes do send him the bill.

Aeroflotgirl · 04/04/2016 07:31

Yes tight budget to but €300 jeans, eh right. Tight on money where he wants to be, send him the bill.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 04/04/2016 07:52

I would tell him how much it's likely to cost to get the curtains and cushion cleaned and see if he offers any money.

He was quite happy to rip you off over his jeans, you have nothing to lose.

Cantchangeusernameback · 04/04/2016 07:57

Send the dog in

gleam · 04/04/2016 18:26

Just me that thinks it odd that he knowingly ran past a dog who doesn't like runners, then?

MintyChapstick · 04/04/2016 18:58

I can't believe some of the comments on here! What happened with the dog is irrelevant, if you break or damage something in someone elses house then you offer to pay for it! I probably wouldn't accept money for something that was a genuine accident, but it's still common courtesy to offer. I rememeber years ago my DM getting quite pissed at a neighbours party and smashing a champagne glass, she was so mortified that she went out the next day and bought a replacement without even being asked. The neighbour was laid back, just laughed it off and said that she shouldn't have gone out and bought a new one, but it was the courteous thing to do.

Peyia · 04/04/2016 19:00

Yeah he thought 'I need a pair of new jeans' and does a Mo Farrah.

He is not of good character IMO.

It's a bit harsh saying the OP is negligent in her own home. Her friend knew the dog, he should have ran in slo-mo.

Peyia · 04/04/2016 19:01

Minty YANBU, the man has no manners. You always offer and should be willing to put right.

ShowMeTheWonder · 04/04/2016 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Swipe left for the next trending thread