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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To make DH make all the coffees?

152 replies

StuRedman · 03/04/2016 19:58

I drink A LOT of coffee, starting from the one DH brings me in bed at 6.30am. Obvs when he's at work during the day I make my own but when he's home I ask him to make all my drinks for me. It's just nicer to drink a hot drink that's been made for you.

For balance I do make him the odd cup of tea but then he only ever has one occasionally.

He's just grumbled slightly at making me one just now and I replied that it's the basic foundation of our marriage. There are certain things I always do for him, and his job is to keep me supplied with coffees.

AIBU?

OP posts:
HackAttack · 03/04/2016 20:38

You sound lazy, I wouldn't tolerate it

ilovesooty · 03/04/2016 20:40

I'm sure there are plenty of people struggling with mental health conditions who don't use them as an excuse to behave like this.

Floggingmolly · 03/04/2016 20:41

Are you serious about your illness, op? If it's really part of that I'd leave the thread now. You're going to get ripped to shreds.

Original poster
StuRedman · 03/04/2016 20:42

Offs. It's not like I stamp my feet and pout until he begrudgingly does it. And if he said no (he never has) I'd do it myself.

He likes to look after me and I like the feeling of having a drink made for me.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 03/04/2016 20:42

Please don't bring specific MH conditions into this. There's enough stigma as it is.

You're just a madam. Own it.

Costacoffeeplease · 03/04/2016 20:43

I'm sure there are plenty of people struggling with mental health conditions who don't use them as an excuse to behave like this.

This

Original poster
StuRedman · 03/04/2016 20:43

I am serious about my illness. I only mentioned it as I think it's relevant as to why DH does equal housework and childcare, it's not because I'm lazy. I wasn't using it as an excuse though.

OP posts:
Lighteningirll · 03/04/2016 20:43

My dh makes all the tea I just say tea please or wave my cup at him. I plan all our meals Inc lunch and breakfast and do 99% of the cooking. Other stuff is split pretty fairly but I won't make tea until he starts planning, shopping and cooking. It works for us we generally laugh about it but if he gets pissy I don't make dinner.

ilovesooty · 03/04/2016 20:43

Please don't bring specific MH conditions into this. There's enough stigma as it is

Agreed.

Original poster
StuRedman · 03/04/2016 20:44

And yes, I probably should have put 'lighthearted' in the title. I've been here over ten years and never felt the need to before.

OP posts:
RunswickBay · 03/04/2016 20:45

Is this supposed to be a joke?

I have had periods of ill health that have left me unable to work. I am so grateful to dh when he supported us through that, that if I could do something I would.

There was tons I couldn't do and I'm not saying you should feel guilty for not working but you should recognise the impact your sickness has on your dh as well as yourself. And expecting him to make all your coffees just doesn't square with a equal terms marriage.

What do you think he is? Your bitch?
Clearly unreasonable. You've got a lot of tea to make imo

WorraLiberty · 03/04/2016 20:45

Then why are you asking if YABU, without adding that important little nugget of information to the OP?

He likes to look after you, you like feeling looked after.

You're not 'making' him do anything really, are you?

RunswickBay · 03/04/2016 20:47

It's not effing light hearted though

Zarah123 · 03/04/2016 20:47

He likes to look after me and I like the feeling of having a drink made for me.

So is this a not so stealth boast? Confused

Floggingmolly · 03/04/2016 20:47

Go and have another tea now, op. This is going to turn ugly quite soon Hmm

Original poster
StuRedman · 03/04/2016 20:48

I don't know what I posted for really. Just making conversation. I used to post here all the time and now I don't really bother. I obviously misjudged the tone.

OP posts:
Abed · 03/04/2016 20:49

if you were my wife I'd tell you to get fucked Grin

Orda1 · 03/04/2016 20:51

Sounds light hearted to me.

YANBU, my fiancé makes 95% of the tea, I love him for it. You're right, it takes much better!

WorraLiberty · 03/04/2016 20:51

It's ok Stu, it's just that you originally came across (to me anyway) as a bit of a dick, treating your DH like a skivvy and find it quite amusing.

However, your subsequent posts are quite different.

It sounds as though you're both happy the way things are, so good luck to you both Thanks

Original poster
StuRedman · 03/04/2016 20:52
Flowers
OP posts:
CheckpointCharlie2 · 03/04/2016 20:52

Don't worry op. DH makes me coffees and I make him tea! (Both drinking and eating types!)

Don't feel stressed out by the nasty replies, just carry on as you are and hide this!

ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay · 03/04/2016 20:55

Coffee can exacerbate depressive illnesses, is it decaf you drink?

witsender · 03/04/2016 20:59

My dad always makes the tea in my parents' house, nothing out of the ordinary there for him to nip off and make my mum a tea.

KitKats28 · 03/04/2016 21:01

Is this for real?

What is it with so many women that they need "looking after"? A relationship is supposed to be a partnership, not a point scoring exercise in who did what.

Women fought for years and years to be equal. I'm in no way a radical feminist (no disrespect to those who are) but really, how pathetic are you (male or female) if you can't get off your arse and make a cuppa if you want one. And let's face it, if a bloke tapped his fingers on his cup and demanded service, the cries of abuse would be deafening (I'm not an MRA either).

witsender · 03/04/2016 21:06

The OP is unwell, my mum now has mobility issues. She sorts his lunch when he leaves for his hobby, he lights the fire and makes the tea. Teamwork. Nothing to do with being so pathetic you can't make tea. Most people like being looked after, not just women.