Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To make DH make all the coffees?

152 replies

StuRedman · 03/04/2016 19:58

I drink A LOT of coffee, starting from the one DH brings me in bed at 6.30am. Obvs when he's at work during the day I make my own but when he's home I ask him to make all my drinks for me. It's just nicer to drink a hot drink that's been made for you.

For balance I do make him the odd cup of tea but then he only ever has one occasionally.

He's just grumbled slightly at making me one just now and I replied that it's the basic foundation of our marriage. There are certain things I always do for him, and his job is to keep me supplied with coffees.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
StuRedman · 03/04/2016 20:17

I do all the food shopping (although he likes to check the order before it goes through as I'm quite slack at it).

Cook most of the meals including a fry up at the weekend for him.

Most of the driving as I like it and he doesn't.

Most of the thinking and planning and organising (although he's got much better at this stuff since I've been ill).

Happily let him spend as much time as he wants on martial arts and music practice.

I think he's quite happy with the status quo, he only had a little grumble about making my last cup as i'd just come through from the kitchen and he said I could have perhaps made it myself. Shock

OP posts:
Original poster
StuRedman · 03/04/2016 20:19

He does do loads tbf but I am very nice to him and he doesn't mind. He gets plenty of free time.

I have major depressive disorder and bpd so I have days where I can barely get out of bed, much less do housework. I do my best though.

OP posts:
NeedACleverNN · 03/04/2016 20:19

he only had a little grumble about making my last cup as i'd just come through from the kitchen and he said I could have perhaps made it myself. shock

Well yeah that is lazy

WorraLiberty · 03/04/2016 20:21

I'm not really sure what you expect from this thread?

Then again, if he doesnt want to make your coffee, he should grow a backbone and tell you to make it yourself.

But some people do anything for a quiet life, including putting up with disrespectful 'cup tapping' and saying 'ding ding'.

AntiHop · 03/04/2016 20:22

I have the same arrangement with my dp. He makes a much better cup of coffee than I do.

curren · 03/04/2016 20:23

You came out of the kitchen to get him to make you a drink?

Dds

Original poster
StuRedman · 03/04/2016 20:24

The cup tapping and ding dinging is obviously a tongue in cheek thing. It's not serious.

OP posts:
witsender · 03/04/2016 20:26

If he was nearer the kettle and not busy then fine, if the two of you are sat down or he is busy or whatever then yabu.

Original poster
StuRedman · 03/04/2016 20:26

I did. I got ds2 a drink of milk and then asked DH to make me a coffee. He raised an eyebrow and said 'but you were just in there' and I said I know, but it tastes nicer when you make it and besides its the very foundation of our marriage: you make the coffees.

He agreed and made me one. And it was lovely. And then I thought I'd see if you lot thought I was unreasonable.

OP posts:
FancyNancee · 03/04/2016 20:27

So do you make yourself cups of tea during his workday, or do you just wait thirstily till he gets home from work, then ......Ding?

Original poster
StuRedman · 03/04/2016 20:28

I quite often won't make one if he's due home in the next half hour or so. He always makes me one when he gets in.

OP posts:
ChocolateTeacup · 03/04/2016 20:29

Ok I have considered this carefully after reading your further updates.

He can make all the cups of tea/coffee whatever, providing that after every one that he makes you offer him a BJ

Seems fair

ilovesooty · 03/04/2016 20:29

He probably can't stand the prospect of the sulking that might ensue if he doesn't comply.

Original poster
StuRedman · 03/04/2016 20:30

I never sulk Shock

ChocolateTeacup are you my DH?

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 03/04/2016 20:31

Well it seems you have your answer. So far everyone has said YABU so there you go

PPie10 · 03/04/2016 20:31

Gosh you sounds like a lazy lump.

peggyundercrackers · 03/04/2016 20:31

One of my friends does this with her DH - she tried it with me once needless to say she got a two worded answer. If you want a drink get it yourself. her DH gets fed up of it too but still goes and gets it.

ChocolateTeacup · 03/04/2016 20:31

Thankfully no ;)

WorraLiberty · 03/04/2016 20:32

Right so if he tells you from tomorrow onwards that he's no longer making your coffees on demand, what then?

What happens to the 'foundation of your marriage'?

Yes, I'm biting because I'm bored.

80schild · 03/04/2016 20:33

The fact you have to ask means that you know the answer. If you are up, make it yourself and whilst at it why not ask if he would like one.

Original poster
StuRedman · 03/04/2016 20:34

I think I'd have to rethink my entire future with him.

Not really. I'd just crack on and make my own. But I don't think it'll come to that.

OP posts:
Original poster
StuRedman · 03/04/2016 20:35

I am quite needy in general (that's the BPD) and I suppose I see the act of making me a coffee as an affirmation of his love for me. I'd be really sad if he didn't want to anymore.

OP posts:
FancyNancee · 03/04/2016 20:37

I think it's a bit grim to name-check your mental illnesses while gloating about getting someone to fetch your coffee

CandyFlossBrain · 03/04/2016 20:37

Oh my goodness OP. You are supposed to put 'light hearted' in the title of threads like this.

Of course, that only calls off some of the hounds...

RunswickBay · 03/04/2016 20:37

Honestly this sounds really horrible.

If you want his servitude as the 'foundation' of your marriage I think there's something wrong with you.

Swipe left for the next trending thread