Page 6 | To wonder if people seem to prefer it when girls are born than boys

waterunderthebridge · 2016-04-03T18:40:23+00:00

Just wondering as based on my experiences there seems to be more excitement and enthusiasms for girls. I could be wrong.

Roseberrry · 04/04/2016 03:41

Yanbu there is a big preference for girls round here. I have 2 boys and most people were happy and excited still but there's always sly comments of wouldn't it be nice to have a girl.
It gets me really defensive. I love my boys and wouldn't swap them for anything!

Stepawayfromthezebras · 04/04/2016 04:27

I always imagined myself having boys and was very happy with the idea. But when I got pregnant with DD I thought of her as a girl and bonded with her as a girl even though I didn't find out her sex until she was born.
DP never expressed a preference out loud while I was pg but it was quite obvious to me from things he said that he wanted a girl.
When she was born I was thrilled she was a girl which surprised me. But then I may have felt the same way if she'd have been a boy. After 2 years of infertility I was bloody lucky to have any baby.

wannabehippyandcrazycatlover · 04/04/2016 04:58

So many people asked my DP if he was disappointed when we found out we were having a girl and that we would 'have to go again'. Obviously, we were excited to have a healthy baby but a lot of people are gender biased towards boys I find.

StrawberrytallCake · 04/04/2016 07:50

Maybe because from birth they are seen as a disappointment and not wanted, could go along way to explain some of the anger issues men have.
They are not born miniature men they aged born babies

Really though Griphook? You're now blaming women for male abusers, their power and their privilege? Nice bit of victim blaming there. Have a little read of the feminist section, it might open your blinkered eyes.

BertrandRussell · 04/04/2016 08:14

It is interesting though, that gender disappointment, however mild is a massive taboo subject. When I wanted a girl in my first pregnancy, I didn't tell anyone. In fact, I told people I had a strong sense that it was a boy, and was so successful at convincing everyone, including myself, that I still remember the surprise and flight in dp's voice when he said "it's a girl!" and my own utter amazement! Expressing any sort of preference except " so long as it's healthy" is completely unacceptable.

Any my bil, who adores his 3 girls had only admitted a couple of times in 22 years, and very shamefacedly, that he would have loved a boy.

BertrandRussell · 04/04/2016 08:15

Delight, not flight! A bit of a Freudian typo!

StitchesInTime · 04/04/2016 08:20

Maybe because from birth they are seen as a disappointment and not wanted, could go along way to explain some of the anger issues men have.
They are not born miniature men they aged born babies

I missed that!

Griphook - If a preference for girls is really a reason for men to have anger issues and part of the reason for them to be "shit givers" - how do you explain the inequal treatment of women, and male violence towards women, in countries where there's a strong preference for boys?
There's some countries where the preference for boys is so great that the ratios of girls being born to boys being born has been unnaturally skewed towards boys because of girl babies being selectively aborted.
These countries still have men with anger issues, despite baby boys being so much more desirable there.

Jemappelle · 04/04/2016 08:37

Maybe because from birth they are seen as a disappointment and not wanted, could go along way to explain some of the anger issues men have.

Having read THIS now I believe I have truly seen it all. I speak as a woman born a daughter in the privileged urban spaces of India - and surrounding me was mass level hatred of women - female foeticide, (therefore making pre birth sex determination illegal), female infanticide , honour killings, dowry killings, punishment rape. Men rule the roost and destroy women in my country, must be because their sisters were so privileged over them at home.

Grip hook - find yourself a grip.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 04/04/2016 09:16

Just the opposite when I had dd2 - we were living abroad at the time, in a community of mainly Greek Cypriots. I had never had an engagement ring, but after the birth dh went and bought me a lovely diamond and emerald ring. When I showed it to a GC friend she said, 'You got that for a GIRL?'

noeffingidea · 04/04/2016 10:22

I wanted my first child to be a girl (he turned out to be a boy, which didn't disappoint me at all).
I don't really know why I wanted a girl initially. I'm certainly not into the princessy sort of stuff. I was perfectly happy to watch power rangers and wrestling with my son.
Perhaps it's something to do with wanting a 'mini me', someone we think we will know and feel familiar with. I wonder how men feel. Do they all secretly hanker after having a boy?

Stanky · 04/04/2016 12:24

I have 2 ds's, and I love them. I have 2 dbs myself, and always have felt more comfortable around male friends. I work in a male environment. I'm very happy with my boys. But some family members have unfortunately made upsetting comments. When I was having ds2, I told a family member we were expecting another boy, and she said "Oh never mind." :(

SIL has had a dd, and she does seem to be treated as a bit more special by dh's family. I do find that a bit sad sometimes. Mil also favours her dds over dh. She comes out with classic lines like "A son is yours until he finds a wife, but a daughter is yours for life" or something like that. She constantly talks about her girls, but dh may as well not exist. I do find it strange and sad. I love my boys fiercely.

Itscurtainsforyou · 04/04/2016 12:30

I've felt (possibly wrongly) that people haven't been as positive when I've had boys. I don't know why - I love having boys!

Narp · 04/04/2016 12:34

I don't know about one of each. I wanted mine to be exactly the same. Like socks

MsFiestyPants · 04/04/2016 13:31

Im having a DD following two DS'. People seem genuinely excited for us and DPs mum is amazed as she has 4 boys. But if it was a first baby im not sure anyone would much care?!

CPtart · 04/04/2016 13:58

I suspect most (not all) women would prefer a girl and most (not all) men would prefer a boy. In fact, there is a wealth of research to show that men are far more likely to leave the family unit if his offspring are solely female. I remember watching a woman give birth to her second DD many years ago when
nursing and her first words to her DH were "oh no, you wanted a boy!"
My DM was disappointed my first DS was male, even more so when DS 2 was not female and "gutted" when my SIL produced a third grandson. She made no secret of her preference for a grand daughter.

glasgowlass · 04/04/2016 14:13

I have two sons.
Everyone was absolutely thrilled for us. I didn't care if the children I was carrying were male or female to be honest. All I ever wanted was to be a mum.
DS1 was 8 years in the making.
DS2 was 4 years in the making.

When you're diagnosed with infertility issues all you want is a healthy child. I have never come across gender disappointment in RL, only on MN & to be frank, it boils my pish! Be grateful for what you have and what you say to a pregnant woman/new mother as you don't know what anyone has gone through to get there.
Any child is a blessing.

MargotLovedTom · 04/04/2016 14:24

We have three girls. DH really wanted a son but that doesn't make him love his daughters any less. We were subject to significant amounts of "Oh no!" type comments when the scan revealed dc3 to be a third girl, and we've had lots of comments asking if we'd try again for a boy (definitely not!). People just make small talk and talk for talk's sake sometimes - I don't take it to heart.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 04/04/2016 14:25

I did feel as though was teetering along the edge without actually going into gender disappointment territory, but since it's been mentioned now ( I have never come across gender disappointment in RL, only on MN) I just wanted to mention two friends who have it.

They have nine boys between them, both would like a girl.

They adore their sons completely, they love them with all of their hearts. They are grateful. They know their sons are blessings. They would like a daughter as well.

Desiring a daughter or a son does not mean that you're not grateful. Having seen these two friends, and knowing their characters and lives, I find it hard to read certain comments about what selfish, ungrateful women they must be to want a girl as well as their lovely sons.

Gender disappointment is complex and hard to understand. To dismiss it with 'you shouldn't feel that' doesn't really help.

drspouse · 05/04/2016 17:20

I have never come across gender disappointment in RL,
We have two adopted DCs and though we could have "requested" a girl after DS, as things panned out, we had a slightly unexpected referral for a girl that was on again, off again to the point we were ready to change the route we were going and then suddenly it was all OK and we have our DD too.
Of the 5 other good friends who all have DC1 within a few months of our DC1 and DC2 within a year of our DC2...
1 very very publicly expressed gender disappointment, they were told it was a girl and she bought lots of girl stuff and decorated a girly room and her DH didn't even want to keep the purple mittens when they found out it was another boy.
2 others have one of each but as one of them says, neither were bothered, like us.
The final two have two girls or two boys and both have apparently privately expressed gender disappointment to my other friend.
Interestingly the one with the most extreme gender disappointment is not very "girly" herself and I bought some of her girl stuff and it was not very frilly etc (that's not me either) but clearly her DH has quite fixed ideas.

Peyia · 05/04/2016 17:29

I've noticed it the reverse in my family. People get very excited when a boy arrives but that might be because we have loads of girls.

I joke when I see a family with multiple boys and say, they ain't stopping until they get the girl. Maybe it's not a preference but wanting one of each?

BabyDubsEverywhere · 05/04/2016 17:59

I feel quite lucky to have two of each. Thinking back, I was pleased my first was a boy, and really happy my last was a girl - I had boy, girl, boy, girl. If the last had been a boy I would have been irrationally displeased with ruining the pattern

I do think novelty plays a part - DHs family had little girls, so they were very pleased DS1 was born as it was nice to have a boy after a few girls. I don't think it had anything to do with how much they loved him, or them, or the ones that came later.

The main comments we had with DC3 was asking why we were bothering with another when we already had one of each - as though we had hit the holy grail already or something!